There's Nothing Diabetesalicious About Another Family Member Getting Diagnosed

"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over."

Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950)

I’m really angry at Diabetes right now. Not my diabetes, just diabetes in general.

I’ve accepted mine, I have issues and it’s annoying at times, but I find the humor and live my life. I barely remember my life sans diabetes. It is what it is, and it’s a part of me.
But my mother, that’s another story entirely. Is it not enough that 4 members of my immediate family are or were type 1’s, plus 2 Aunts, a nephew a cousin, and a great grandmother. Now type 2 decides that perhaps my mom hasn’t dealt with enough diabetes in her life, and has decided that she should be forced to join the club.

My tiny little 119 lb 4’11 mother who is one the strongest women I know, has recently been diagnosed with t2. I’M PISSED. She was diagnosed a few weeks ago and has just gotten around to sharing this information with my sister. She hasn’t told me yet because she knows that this past month, and this upcoming week are crazy for me regarding work and life. Knowing her, she wants to wait until things are calmer before she'll causally mention it in passing and crack a joke. This is the same woman who 12-hours into visiting my brother in California, broke her hip in his living room. She dragged herself out of the living room, through dining room and kitchen, where she propped herself up against the stove and took a breath. Then she pulled herself up to the oven range and managed to turn off the tea kettle. She sat with her back against the stove & patiently sat on the floor and waited for my brother to get back from his run. When he walked in the door, she comely but firmly told him to call the 911 because she was pretty certain she'd broken her hip. Two days later she was the Queen of the physical therapy room.
I knew this diagnoses would happen, I knew this for a very long time and I’d even said it out loud.
I’ve accompanied my mom to many Dr’s appoints over the years. When her GP told her she was “pre diabetic” and had neuropathy in her feet a couple of years ago, I knew it then, that very moment, even if the Doctor didn’t.
My mom’s this strong woman, little in size but strong in spirit who’s had her share of health problems over the years. Pace Maker/ Defibulator; broken hip, Cardio Version, and most recently, a torn meniscus that she can’t get operated on due to her hearts “unique” rhythm. She’s bounced back from almost of her issues, and her social life is busier than mine. Her knee hurts every day, but she just ices it, takes tylenol and goes about her day.
Her fasting b.s is about 35 points higher than it should be; the Dr. wants to start her on Glucofauge. So now, it’s official, she’s a diabetic.

God, ENOUGH ALREADY DIABETES. LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE. I don’t care that you and I work as a team, but can't you just leave them out of it!

Marge, (mom) is making the best of it because my mother always sees the glass half full.
No matter what obstacles come her way, she’s always been able to pick herself up by her bootstraps and continued on her course. It’s one of the things that I’ve always admired about her. My sister said she refused to order dessert at dinner last night. She didn’t take a handful of lifesavers, let alone one when they left the restaurant either. Normally, my mother grabs a handful. She has a bit of a sweet tooth.
Her love of chocolate is legendary, and she’s cutting it all out - COLD TURKEY.
This is the same woman who 25 years ago not only decided to quit smoking cold turkey, but also decided that she was going to loose 30 lbs at the same time. Why? Because she wanted to be healthy and fit for her daughter's wedding 3 months down the road. She did it, and people could not believe that she could lose weight and quit the cancer sticks at the simultaneously.

Me, I will see the glass half full because I am my mothers daughter. I will be positive and proactive in her healthcare, and will crack jokes about diabetes and nutrasweet every chance I get – LATER. Today, I have tears in my eyes when I think about it. She’s my mom, my light, the one who believes in me and amazingly thinks that I can do anything. The one who loves me unconditionally no matter what. I want to protect her.

I want her to be here on this earth for as long as possible because I’m selfish. I don’t think I could handle being an orphan in my late 30’s. I’m just not ready for that.

To quote a family saying regarding diabetes, “IT’S IN THE GENES.” And as of today, there’s nothing I can do to change that.

Kelly's Belly....not so good.

I started this post a few days ago, but due to pharmaceutical "issues" beyond my control, I just finished it.

So my Dr. put me on Metformin because he wants me to utilize my insulin better.
Apparently his medical practice has had tremendous success with putting t1’s on Metformin to improve both insulin sensitivity and protecting the patients vascular system. With my family history, I could use all the help I can get in that department. It 's also is supposed to help with weight loss. I’m not overweight, but I’m still about 10 lbs from where I’d like to be.

I was told to introduce Metformin to my system slowly, and start with One 500 mg pill at dinner. After a week of introductions and "getting to know one another" so to speak, I'd increase my dose to two 500 mg pills per day - one at breakfast, one at dinner. Both doses need to be taken with food in order to cut down on the side effects – more on that further down the page.

I’ve been taking “the Met” for 11 days. The positives have been immediate.

1. My blood sugars have been really good – especially post meal blood sugars.

2. I’ve cut my insulin intake now take between 26 and 33 units of insulin via my pump per 24-hour period.

Before the Metformin, my daily totals were between 32 and 43 units per 24-hour period.
I think I’ve lost a few pounds, I’m not sure though because I haven’t actually gotten on the scale.

The negatives…. have also been immediate.

1. I’ve been feeling CHRONICALLY sick to my stomach and nauseous, pretty much ALWAYS. I haven't been hungry because my stomach feels queasy and the thought of food makes me want to puke. The kind of nauseousness & stomach churning that makes daily tasks not so easy. Even my beloved dark chocolate - a cure all for everything in the past, is just not appealing to me.

I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE TURNED DOWN CHOCOLATE BEFORE UNTIL NOW.

2. Gastrointestionally speaking, let’s just say that where ever I am, I need to know where the restrooms are located, and the shortest route to get to said restroom.
Not as bad as the nauseousness, but still (and pardon the pun,) a real pain in the ass.

So, Is it worth it? I’m not sure yet. My CDE says I will feel better soon and I hope he’s right. If he’s not, I’m not sure how long I can continue.

UPDATE:
Monday I upped my dose to breakfast and dinner and felt horrible – nauseous all day and barely able to eat dinner. But I had to eat, because I had to take my second pill. I called my CDE the next day and she spoke with my Endo, who said to stop the A.M pill and just take the PM pill for another week. Apparently, yours truly is a "delicate flower." Who knew? I felt much better on Wednesday and today (Thursday) is actually the first day I haven’t felt any side effects. So….I got that going for me!

HFCS - ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

The ads for HFCS have been driving me nuts! How can we have HFCS in "moderation" when it's in absolutely EVERYTHING?
This crap's banned in Europe - High Fructose Corn Syrup - not my blog. And not those ridiculously condescending commercials that are filled with bull$h*t, unfortunately.

I've been "on my big D Soap Box regarding HFCS here at Diabetesaliciousness almost since I started blogging because I think it's horrible, and is destroying America's health and farm lands.

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Scott S wrote a terrific piece regarding HFCS and it's worth a few minutes of your time to get informed. Great job Scott! And thanks for the "Shout Out!"





THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!

Dear Kelly In The Past, .........

Wrote this for lots of reasons, all to long to get into. Bottom line, we are imperfect people in an imperfect world - Diabetes or not....And we are wonderful!
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Dear Kelly in the Past -

It’s Kelly from the future. I’m writing you for several reasons. To remind me just how far I’ve come whenever stress and sadness start to creep in regarding life with the big D.
And how far I still need to go in order to achieve all that life has to offer.
And to remind others that life goes on and happiness happens, regardless of diabetes. That there’s stuff (shit) that you to need to move past in order to indeed, live and flourish - d related or not.

And that as a child or adult with diabetes, you need to live and experience ALL life has to offer.

First off Kelly, please remember no matter how tough life gets with diabetes or otherwise – you deserve the best life has to offer you.
Your not damaged goods because of a faulty pancreas. And every time that voice of self doubt speaks regarding your self worth and what you deserve, remember that everyone – diabetic or not - is never born perfect, no matter how they appear on the outside.

Everyone on earth is born with imperfections and issues and that’s part of life.
Don’t think you deserve less because a very small part of your pancreas doesn’t function.

Only the dead are perfect, and that’s because our memory allows that in order for us to get past the grief.

You deserve it all. To be loved, accepted, and respected. You deserve to reach your dreams, instead of worrying so much about your health and what the future holds, that you actually hold yourself back in the present.

Look to all the positives your diabetes has given instead of just the negatives.

Would you truly be such an empathetic, funny, intuitive person had diabetes not entered your life?

To that gangly 8-year with the face full of freckles - You don’t have to be so brave about it all. It’s OK to cry in front of your family regarding your diagnoses. Your family is scared and sad too.

Continue to look to the funny as way to handle your diagnoses. You’ll be tempted to rebel and embrace the angry side of things. Don’t. It wastes energy, confidence, and precious time that you’ll never get back.

Your first Endo Dr. Baker was right, “you’ll only hurting yourself.”

Adolescent Kel, I know your parents drive your crazy, especially about your diabetes.
Please keep in mind that they are suffering and stressing themselves. But because they love you, they aren’t going to show you how horrible your diabetes makes THEM feel!
Now, they might need some persuading to let you do a few things (like wear contacts) but they really let you do so much more than they really were every comfortable with.
They’ve let you go on sleepovers; they’ve sent you to camp, allowed you to dance and perform on stage, and always had orange juice waiting in the wings. They let you work and earn spending money. As a child, they never let you wallow in anything even resembling diabetes self pity. They didn’t let anyone else to allow you to wallow in it either.

They prepared you to be an independent adult. Some day, you will appreciate it more than you ever thought possible.

There will come a time in your life when you’ll realize all they did with the knowledge that was available to them, which at the time – wasn’t much. You will be thankful.

I know your scared about your sister. I also know your really angry. That’s OK.
Talk to someone.

Speak up when someone hurts you, instead of being stoic. Stoic is for the birds. Taking in all that hurt and anger only hurts you in the long run, no one else.

To quote Don Henley (whom you will have a major crush on in your late teens) said it best. “Carrying all that anger, will just eat you up inside.”

Kelly, this is a hard one. Forgive and move on. Let things and people go who have hurt you, no matter how difficult it might be. Remove the weight of sadness from around neck and surround yourself with those who not just embrace you, but who embrace positivity as well. You will learn so many wonderful lessons from them!

Don’t fight diabetes, OWN IT. Because the minute you start to accept your diabetes, you will find that many of the issues that you struggle with regarding diabetes, will fall to the side as you begin to become empowered by ownership of your disease.

What you will be left with is a feeling of control regarding not just your disease, but also your life.

Forget what’s popular with masses and go with what your heart knows is right.

Teen Kelly, Remember that those kids who made fun of you because of your diabetes and those horrible glasses you had to wear, might have been picked on for reasons that in actuality, had absolutely nothing to do with you.
Most likely their parents didn’t understand the whole diabetes thing and children learn from their parents.
Maybe (and just as likely,) they had problems at home much greater than your 14 year old self ever imagined. Problems that were even bigger than your diabetes.
Problems like parents divorcing; eating disorders, sickness in their own families, and struggles within themselves that they shared with no one. Perhaps they suffered from such a poor self-image that picking on your visible imperfections helped them to ignore their own.

Instead of thinking that they might be right, know that they are wrong and are unhappy.
Ignore them and focus on the positive.

And stop wanting a nose job for god sakes – trust me, you’ll grow into your nose and be grateful that your not one of those poor people who are walking around with minuscule nose on large featured face.


Kelly At 16: When someone compliments you, look them straight in the eye, with a smile on your face, and say “Thank-you.” Regardless of whether you think you deserve or not.
A compliment is two fold. Yes, it’s given to make the receiver feel good, but it also makes the person giving the compliment feel good.
Don’t diminish or belittle the persons attempt to be nice and confident by brushing it aside and being embarrassed by the kind words said on your behalf.

And remember those compliments, they will get you through the self-doubt.

Listen, I know you don’t want to hear this, but shoulder pads and helmet hair are indeed a "Glamour Don’t," regardless of what Teen Magazine says.

And yes, your mom and was right - Bangs are not your best look, and iridescent lipstick might work for some, but is just makes you look sick.

Kelly at 20: You will be so happy you started with the whole 30 & 50 sunscreen thing, and your 7 year skin plan – TRUST ME. And FYI, the tan goddess bitch who called you "Casper' when you were dating her ex boyfriend – her face looks like a Catcher's mitt now.

Don’t try so hard to prove how normal you are “in spite” of being a diabetic.
You will realize that what’s normal for some, is completely abnormal for others, and that’s ok. What I’m trying to say is, your normal is different that someone else’s, and your normal works for you. So run with it!


Kelly in your 20’s: Embrace ALL of who you are.
Go after your dreams, instead of listening to what others think you should do or be.

22 year old Kelly: Remember to tell those you love, that you do indeed love them, no matter how much they might drive you crazy. The people you love won’t be around forever. And trust me, you will miss them terribly when they’re gone.

Kelly, good call regarding your parents. You will be incredibly grateful that you started to say “I love you” every time you said goodbye. They learned to say it back, and they began to say it first, and often. Soon, it flowed more freely than beer at a bbq - and all of you will know how deep the love really was, and is.

To 27 yr old Kelly: You are NOT fat, and no, your not rail thin. But your parents were right, you are beautiful, inside and out! Please see that instead of only the imperfections.

I know that your scared that history will repeat itself - it will not.
Your doing what you have to do, put whatever mistakes you made with your diabetes in the past, and learn from them. It will not only lead you to good health – but to a wonderful world regarding the diabetes community. I world that you’ve tried to shut out instead of embracing for a very long time.

Let the guilt go regarding Debbie. You did the best you could.

To 33-year-old Kelly: Someone who has no love or self- respect for them self, will never have any for you – no matter what they say. If they don’t love, like, and respect who they are, they can’t love, like, & respect you.

Don’t surround yourself with people who won’t do the work on themselves, they’ll only blame you for what they lack from within.

Kelly in real time: Remember too keep loving yourself – all parts of you.

Hold your head up, continue to learn, continue to laugh, and most definitely continue to love.
You are older and wiser. Life has been full of changes, and going with the flow gets a bit tricky at times, but you are lucky to be in the world, and the world is lucky to have you.

Never Forget

Please take a few moments today to remember those we lost and their families.

Video You Tube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOozRET6NSQ

Pump Banquet....Pump Envy, & Performing

It's been a crazy week since my last post! Sorry for the delay but I am exhausted and looking at an incredibly hectic work/life schedule in the next two weeks. I have missed blogging terribly and promise not to let such a lapse go by – no matter how NUTZ my schedule might get!!

PUMP BANQUET
So, to recap: The Pump Club Banquet of Grater Philadelphia was quite a success. Gary Ssheiner/ Integrated Diabetes has been facilitating the meetings every 3 months, for the past 11 years. Basically it’s wonderful way for pump wears to congregate, learn about the latest and greatest in diabetes care, technology, and research, while having a face to face “Bitch Fest” for those of us who need to voice our frustrations regarding the Big D.

Gary had set up was also quite the history lesson/Torture Chamber in the form of a display of Diabetes aquotramont over the years. I’m talking glass syringes; fizzy pills in brown bottles, lancets made of metal and B.S machines the size of VHS tapes. God, those antiquated blood sugar machines brought back major memories of fighting with my parents. “Are you kidding, you want me to carry THAT in my backpack? NOWAY! That thing is actually bigger than my History book and just as heavy!! I won’t do it – YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! IT”S EMBARRASSING.” Ahhh...good times! What a pleasant child I was. My how times have changed – THANK GOD!

Back to the banquet: At least 100 people were in attendance (including my fellow dBlogville citizen & partner in D Crime, Hannah) and the dinner was sponsored by (and in no particular order but alphabetical) Animas, Deltec Cozmore, Insulet, & Minmed. Each company was there to answer questions and presented what we (the users) could expect in the very near future from their various companies.

PUMP ENVY
It’s wonderful to see that pump companies are taking note of what we, the consumer would like to see in our pumps design, function, durability, and usability.
While all Insulin Pumps do the same thing (deliver insulin in both a basal and bolus rate format) each pump company has it’s own unique bells and whistles regarding their brand.

What does the future of pumping hold? Miniaturization of the existing pump designs, blue tooth capabuilities, and accessories with a “MAC” influence, and customization for the individual user.

Before the dinner, I had narrowed my search for a new pump down to 2 models, now I want at least 4 different models! "THANKS GARY.'

Insulin Pump innovation makes me very excited, but also very nervous. Kind of like when u buy a new MAC Laptop. You really want to buy it, but you know the minute you purchase it, you know the next generation version of your MAC LT will be even greater.
Unlike an MAC or an Ipod, we who wear insulin pumps must wait 4 years to purchase the latest and greatest pump. "CAN YOU SAY PUMP ENVY?"

PERFORMING
As far as my performance. It was wonderful! People laughed in all the right places and afterwards I was able to dialogue with a lot of audience members, which is so important to me – just as important as the laughter. Talking with the audience after a set allows me to see what clicked with them and what situations they related to on a personal level.

This particular group really related to “The Diabetes Police,” dating issues, everything having to do with FOOD, and “Stupid People who think they know every thing about Diabetes!”

Fashion and accessories were a huge issue as well. My red and black Pump lace garter was quite the hit! Chronic disease does not equal a “Glamour Don’t" as far as I’m concerned. Diabetes can be sexy if you have the right accessories, an imagination - and alcohol helps.

All in all a great time was had by all !

CAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKE
OH YEAH _ THERE WAS A HUGE CAKE - WITH ICING AT LEAST 2 INCHES THICK, CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA CENTER - WITH A HUGE PUMP PIC ON TOP!
DELICIOUS - AND NON SUGAR FREE!!!

PICS to follow as soon as Gary sends them!

PS – Gary met almost all the demands of my Diabetesaliciousess Performance Rider…kind of.

Diabetesaliciousness Performance Rider...It's An Industry Standard

So, Last month I got an email from Gary Scheiner of Integrated Diabetes, asking me to perform at his Pumpers Banquet, which celebrates the 50th meeting of Insulin Pump Club of Greater Philadelphia. Which by the way, is tonight at 7p.m.

I of course was completely flattered & excited, and of course said "Yes."

As long as Gary was willing to meet my "Diabetesaliciousness Performance Rider/list of demands." All serious entertainers such as myself have these Riders which is both a common practice and an industry standard.

I sent him my list and he was more than willing.


Here’s a copy of said Rider, do you think I went to far, or not far enough? IS there anything else I should demand in future Riders? Diabetesaliciousness minds want to know.....

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In order to perform at The 5oth Meeting of the Insulin Pump Club of Greater Philadelphia, the following list of demands stated in my Performance Contract/Rider must be met:

1. A crystal bowl of green m & m's must be available to me back stage - Only Green m & m's as they are not only a tasty treat that keeps my blood sugar from dropping, but just as important, they bring out the color of my eyes.

2. Speaking of Green - No "dietetic” or “diabetic friendly” foods in the Green Room (Performers area off stage) of any kind."

3 The Help must refer to me as "Goddess," and are not allowed to look me directly in the eye at anytime. Such insubordinate behavior to what I like to refer to as my “Goddess Clause”, and any other infraction of my Rider is punishable by methods involving infusions sets and doorknobs!

4. Please note that If anyone asks or paraphrases the following questions to me at anytime:

" Are you allowed to eat that?"

"Are you sure your allowed to eat that?"

"You must have the beets real bad to be on an insulin pump."

I have the right to not only quadruple my performance fee, BUT also throw a severe temper tantrum, the likes of which will both shake your foundation to its very core AND make Naomi Campbell, Courtney Love, & Danny Bonnaducci outbreaks resemble” little girls, crying for their mamas."

5. Speaking of fees, mine is as always, negotiable.

6a. OF course, Gourmet food MUST BE PROVIDED to me and must be to my liking.
I also require copious & never ending amounts of Crys-tal Champagne & Cosmo martinis made with Chilled Kettle 1 Vodka, and served in chilled 10 ounce crystal glasses.

6b. These drinks should be "made to order" and available to me at all times, including but not limited to; before, during, and after said performance.

6c. 10 cases of Fuji Water (32 oz bottles) & one box of 100 count BENDY STRAWS must be provided as well.

6d. Transportation and lodging must be provided for me to and from the venue, and preferably in a stretch Hummer. All fees associated with travel must me covered!
**Please note that my Entourage requires all that is listed is rider point 6a,6b,6c, and 6d.

7. You must pay any and all fees associated with my Entourage, which includes my Hairdresser; Make-up Artist, Stylist, Acupuncturist, Fung Shui Practitioner, Yogi Guru, Astrologist, & Masseuse as they accompany me to all public and charity based events and are an essential part of my pre performance peace of mind & well being.

8. I Kelly Kunik, Super Diabetesaliciousness Genius and Diabetic Life Style Maven have the right to add to this Performance Rider whenever I see the need.