Goodbye 2009, HELLO 2010

So, 2009 will officially come to an end at 12:01 am Friday morning, and I for one, am happy to say goodbye.

Not that 2009 hasn’t been a little slice of heaven, because parts absolutely have been.

And some parts have definitely resembled Dante’s 7 layers of hell.

I don’t want to take this time to look back, because right now I’m really concentrating on looking (and moving) forward in my life.

Bottom line: I’m ready to welcome 2010 with open arms.

My wishes for 2010 are simple and matter of fact.

I want 2010 to be filled with good health, positive vibes, much love, happiness, laughter and success for myself and everyone I love, and that includes you dear Diabetesaliciousness reader.

I love you all VERY much and couldn’t have made it through this year without you!

My New Years Resolutions are not incredibly outlandish and I think they are doable.

I will remain healthy

I will do everything in life better with 1 good eye then I ever did with 2

I will get my A1C down to 6.5

I will find a job in the diabetes arena where I can help others own their diabetes

I will take Diabetesaliciousness to the next level- even though I have no ideal what the next level is or means, or how to get there

I will take Archery lessons and become a kick-ass Diazon with a bow & arrow

I will find someone who loves an accepts me for me and vice versa - and have fun in the process

2010 will be fiscally better than 2009

I will continue to learn, grow and become.

I hope your New Year's is fantastical in every way, and I hope that 2010 brings all your dreams to reality!

Bumping Pumps- It Ain't Nothing But A D-Thing

So I stopped by my sisters house a few weeks ago and had dinner with her family- which was fabulous and entertaining, as always.

Anyway, my 17-year-old nephew Anton (Longboard Skateboard officiando & man about town) had his friend Nick over for dinner. Nick is slightly older, also a longboard Skateboard officiando/man about town, and a type 1 PWD.

We chatted about skateboarding and the likes there of, dined on a fantastic Jewish Apple Cake (it was like a foot thick and SUPER DELICIOUS) courtesy of the Kibitz Room, and discussed our hopes for 2010.

Then Nick noticed my pump and said: I see you have an insulin pump. Cool, I have one to!

He removed his black Animas Ping from his pocket and held it up in the air for me to see.

Then I unclipped my Minimed 512 from my belt and held it up in the air.

And there we sat, our pumps hanging midair, discussing the Ping’s options (I’m seriously considering a Ping and had lots of questions) and Nick told me how much he liked his Ping. “It actually talks to my glucometer,” said Nick all proud and happy.

Then instantaneously, we each reached out (over the table and the plate of SUPER DELICIOUS Jewish Apple cake) with our insulin pumps and bumped pumps in mid air.

Anton chimed in without missing a beat: OK, I feel like I’ve just witnessed the secret handshake to a Dungeons and Dragons Diabetes meeting! You guys are total geeks.

Me: Anton, it's ain't nothing but a D-thing - pure and simple.

And it absolutely was.

Frosty The Snow.....Pig?

Frosty The Snow Pig!

Photo courtesy of my iphone

So I was out and about yesterday, on my way to various Christmas destinations when I drove by "Frosty the Snow Pig" and laughed out loud!

I stopped my car in the middle of the street, grabbed my iphone, got out of the car and took a pic.

I stood there in the middle of the street, seriously contemplating calling him "Pancetta the Holiday Snow Pig" and creating his back-story, which involved Jack Frost, maple syrup, and a chicken named Hal. Until I was jolted back into reality by the stream of cars beeping their horns and telling me to get a move on!

Anyway,

Frosty/Pancetta and I hope your Christmas Day was filled with love, laughter, and BACON!

HELLO D-O-C!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Regardless of your religious background, enjoy tomorrow with family and friends! Laugh often and loudly,give thanks for all things big and small, AND definitely throw back some Christmas Cookies and the likes there of!

I decided to post the last 9:01 minutes of one of my favorite movies, "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE," because much like George Bailey, I can relate to having the love of friends embrace,comfort, and help me when I most needed it.

And like I said, it's one of my favorite movies EVER!

SO to quote George Bailey: Hello Bedford Falls! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan! Hey! Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!"

A Brave Little Girl? No, Not Really Mrs. Calvi...

Granville Ave School Pic - Way back When!

Being in my hometown during the holiday’s means lots of last minute hustle and bustle like everywhere else on the planet, but especially on the main drag of town, where most of the stores and boutiques are.

Last night as I was just about to walk into the local grocery store, a woman in a red jacket was wheeling her cart out. We both uttered the obligatory “excuse me” and exchanged smiles. I was about to walk past her when all of a sudden the lady in red, who for the rest of this post will be referred to as LIR said: Oh my goodness, Kelly Kunik, HOW ARE YOU? I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN AGES!

The woman looked oddly familiar and I definitely recognized the face, but her hair was shorter than what I remembered. The years had been kind because she looked pretty much the same as when, when….when what?

Did I take tap dancing lessons with her daughter? No, that wasn’t it.

Did I go to school with her kids?? Nooo, I don’t think so.

Did…she work at my old elementary school as an office Aide?

Me: Oh, I’m great thanks. How are you?

LIR: Fine- how’s your mom doing? She moved a few years ago right?

Me: She’s doing great and yes; she’s still in town but on the other side of Jerome Ave, down the street from the church.

LIR: You haven’t changed a bit!

Me: Thanks! I can’t remember your name though Mrs…

LIR: Mrs. Calvi, (Stupid me, the name of her families company was stitched on the jacket!) I used to work at Granville Ave Elementary School when you were little. And of course I remember you, how could I forget! You used to have diabetes and would come to the nurses’ office for orange juice when you needed to.

Me: Yep, that’s me. I still have diabetes-it hasn’t gone anywhere last I checked. And I still reach for the juice whenever I need to. I’m surprised you recognized me, Granville Ave was a long time ago!

LIR: How are you doing with the diabetes?

Me: Great. No complaints, everything still works…for the most part.

LIR: You look exactly the same! You know, I always thought you were the bravest little girl, always having to take shots and having to go to the nurse when you had to. You’d march right in the office and say: I need juice RIGHT NOW PLEASE!

You’d drink up all your juice, wait a bit and then you’d say:“thanks and see ya later” and continue on with your day.

Me: WOW, you really do remember me! Thanks Mrs. Calvi. It was great to see you again-Happy Holidays!

LIR: You to! Tell your mom I said hi!

Me: WILL DO MRS. CALVI MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As I walked in the store all I could think was: A brave little girl? No, not really Mrs. Calvi, but thanks. More like a realistic little girl who was always afraid of the “diabetes what-ifs,” but didn’t want the rest of the world to know it, so she pretended to be fearless.

Dear Friends: THANK-YOU FOR BEING THERE

Photo created and courtesy of Jaime Hernandez

Dearest Friends:

It’s been so hard (and it’s taken me way to long) for me to put my thanks into words and I’m not really sure why.

Maybe it’s because the past 3 weeks have been a shit storm of crap in every sense of the term.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been working so hard to wrap my head around what’s happened and play catch up with my life.

Or maybe it’s because whenever I think of how everyone in the DOC has been there for me, I’m literally rendered SPEECHLESS.

Never have I felt more love and protected than I have this past month. When something bad happens to you, you learn what really matters in life.

You learn how strong you are and what real strength is.

You learn that God/Buddha/The Force (or what ever you believe in) has provided you with a magical bullshit filter that only allows you to focus on what and who is really important.

And you learn the meaning of what a true friend really is.

Every single one of you in the DOC is a true friend and for that, I am truly “the richest man in Bedford Falls.” Wait a sec; I’m not George Bailey! But I do indeed have a wonderful life and fantastic friends.

And lets face it, the DOC coming to bat for yours truly has caused so many freaking bells to ring this past month that all second class angels have now sprouted wings. GREAT BIG ONES!

Big shout outs of thanks and love to every single one of you out there in the Diabetes universe!

But I’d be remiss (WOW and sidebar, because I’ve never actually used that word in my blog before) if I didn’t mention a few friends by name.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I know I’m forgetting some people and I will say I’m sorry in advance:

Scotty J- Thanks for talking/emailing/calling when everything hit the fan! YOU ROCK!

Crystal: Thanks for your continued positive IM's and creation of my tiara and sparkly eye patch avatar.

Lora: Thanks for getting the whole “One Eyed Willie” thing started, for continually making me laugh, and for always making me smile.

Jamie H: Thanks for making me laugh and providing other folks on twitter with avatar eye patches and for putting together such a wonderful pirate collage!

For the army of pirates out in the twitterverse- you know who you are – and what you are is a FABULOUS crew!

Kerri: Your flowers and emails brightened my day more than you will ever know-THANK-YOU.

George: Baconator General, thanks for being there! Talking to you on Friday morning made taking the tests so much easier! You are my friend and I love you.

To The Brothers Bacon, George and Scott: Thanks for sending me the gift of bacon in the form of a pillow – and brightening up my day in the process!

Elizabeth Arnold: Your continued DM's made me stronger and your own strength helped me latch on to mine-THANK-YOU!

Stacey Divone: You are not only a real life CRUMBS Cupcake Fairy, but also a top-drawer friend to boot! Soon we shall dine on CRUMBS in IRL!

Ellen & Melinda: I am so grateful for Twitter, because without it, we never would have become friends!

Dave Nevins: Your emails were filled with positive vibes and pep, and pirate flags-I appreciate them more then words can say!

Babs,FCAnna, Sajabla,Rpederse,Heureste- THANKS for the advice and the laughter!

To the Kellys cubed: Thxs for making me laugh!

Karen: Knowing that your there means the world to me!

Cherise: Your prayers and awesome attitude never cease to amaze me!

Rachel: You and I both deserve a vacay sista!

Scott S: You make me laugh and I love your honesty!

@SamoliPirates for following & saying to me : "Aye, is a pleasure to follow your fine pirate booty!" That just made my day in more ways than one!

Leeann: We are doing lunch VERY soon!

Hannah: For just being you!

Cara and Casey: Thanks for your continued good wishes & prayers!

Manny: For making me smile and bringing lots of love and positive vibes my way!

For every single Parent in the DOC who emailed me or commented via the blog. You guys continue to teach and amaze me every damn day! Your kind words and positive vibes made me strong.

And special thanks go out to any and all I’ve failed to mention by name.

I’m grateful and filled with gratitude for everything you all have given me- and I'm a better woman for having received your gifts of love and compassion.

Thank you from the bottom of my imperfect pancreas!!

Love,

Kelly K

PS Below are pictures of some fine Pirate Booty sent from the likes of Stacey Divone, Kerri Marone Sparling, and George and Scott, my "Brothers in Bacon!"

CRUMBS Cupcakes Courtesy of Stacey Divone

Sunny Gerber Daisies Courtesy of Kerri, Chris, & Baby Sparl

Bacon Pillow Courtesy of my "Brothers in Bacon" George "Ninjabetic" Simmons and Scottie K Johnson!

Cold Snowy Weather, Warm Thoughts, & Preventing Insulin Ice Cubes

HELLO!!! I'm sure that those of you on the East Coast are recovering from the Blizzard we had on Saturday. Personally, my brain is still a bit snowy and my muscles are sore from digging out!
But on the bright side, shoveling snow and clearing 2 feet of snow of my car is a great workout, and I can use all the moving and stretching I can get!

Anyway, the whole "Winter Wonderland" thing got me thinking about sun, sand and surf!
Which lead me to think about fruity drinks with umbrellas being served to me on a white sandy beach by a funny,cute guy named....Well, OK he didn't have a name, or at least I didn't catch it. But he was funny in a "HA-HA" sort of way, which made him cute, and he was serving me some yummy,fruity,delicous drink ocean side and in the sun.

Which in turn got me thinking about the insulin in my pump going bad because it got all "skunky" from being in extreme heat.

Which led me back too the reality of the winter snow and cold and how the insulin in my pump reacts when the thermometer dips.

Which brings me to the following question for those of you who live in the Midwest; Canada and other northern parts of the east coast, Alaska,or the North Pole. Does the cold weather affect the insulin in your pump and if so, what the heck do you do to prevent insulin ice cubes?

1 In A Million? Yeah, Most Likely...They Guess/ I Guess & Life Goes On

So, it's been a long week/December and at times, this Diazon feels like she's been run over by a truck. The past two weeks I've been poked; prodded, pinched, examined,shot up with dye,scanned,and scanned again, had a camara jammed down my throat, and a shiny bright light aimed in my face for such long periods, that my good eye saw spots for hours afterwards!

I've been treated by almost every medical professional I've come in cantact with's greatest medical oddity.

I've been cranky, scared and hyper focused on all things medical, to the point of physically and mentally being spent. Stick a freaking fork in me folks, I'M DONE.


Tuesday's follow up visit to the ophthalmologist confirmed what we all know. The vision loss to my right eye is permanent and was not caused by anything diabetes related to the eye. Optho feels it was a 1 in a million thing. It was something I knew and had even stated, but to hear it once again made me well up with sadness and I started to tear up.

On the bright side, my left eye is strong and both retinas are looking fine. Nothing is off limits to me. I can still drive, swim, dive, snorkel, and write a blog. The only thing that's off limits is being an Astronaut, but I'm OK with that because:

1. I can't read a map to save my life so your truly would would truly get lost in space

2. I get motion sickness on roller coasters and from what I hear, the space shuttle makes a roller coaster look like a walk in the park, so NO THANK-YOU!

There IS a 1 in a million chance (a term I've heard way to often as of late,) that my right eye could grow new blood vessels, which I was all types of psyched about.

Until I heard that growth of new blood vessels would result in something called instantaneous glaucoma. So keep your fingers crossed to no new blood vessel growth. Two more visits to the ophthalmologist in the next two months and then I can cross it off my things to do list for until August.


Wednesday was the TEE, or Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram and all of your advice regarding my insulin pump and fasting was a God send. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I've never, ever had to be put under for anything and was very nervous-especially regarding the fasting.

Being told that I could not eat after midnight, or they won't be able to do the procedure, stressed me out because all I kept thinking was, WHAT IF MY BLOOD SUGAR DROPS AND I HAVE TO EAT?

Prepping for Wednesday of course meant that Tuesday nights blood sugars ran high due for no reason WHAT SO EVER. My guess is that the high numbers were brought on by stress.

From 4pm Tuesday until 10 pm I couldn't get my blood sugar below 260 and that was freaking me out big time. I NEVER RUN THAT HIGH. I was afraid to screw around with my basal rates because I was afraid of eventually hitting a knock-down low that would have me running for the peanut butter and 1/2 of banana at 2 am.

When my numbers finally started to drop, they dropped fast. By 11:30 PM I was 180 and decided to eat a breakfast bar and a cheese stick sans bolusing. I wanted to go into Wednesdays procedure with a bloodsugar level between 160 and 170.

At 3:57 am on Wednesday, I woke up and tested, and my blood sugar, it was 216. I didn't bolus and went back to sleep.

At 6:15 I woke up and my blood sugar was 180. By the time I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 my blood sugar was 170. At 8:30 and 9am it held fast at 160.

As they were hooking me up to monitors I cracked jokes with the attending Fellow Dr Rodriguiz who giggled appropriately.

I was nervous to get put under and became a bit OCD regarding my numbers. I told the prep nurse to do a fingerstick test a 1/2 hour into the procedure and she thought that that was a great ideal and promised that she'd do it, which made me feel better.

Next ,the Anesthesiologist wanted to know "on average" what my numbers were daily. When I told her that that info would depend on the day, and it's level of activity, stress, food, etc and that no two days with diabetes are the same, she was less than amused.

I did tell her that my last a1c was 6.8 and that seamed to placate her...UNTIL I mentioned the fingerstick test.

When I told the Anesthesiologist about wanting a fingerstick test done during the middle of the procedure, she was less than pleased and had no problem letting me know that.
She told me in a VERY bitch like tone: You took your blood sugar a 1/2 hour ago and it was 160, there's no need to take it again.

I looked her straight in the eye and responded with: Look, I've never put under for any medical procedure before and there's a chance my sugar could drop. I won't be able to tell you what's going on, so I NEED you to do a test a 1/2 hour into the procedure. If the prep nurse doesn't have a problem with it, why do you?

Anesthesiologist: OK, fine we'll take a finger stick test a 1/2 into the procedure- but it's really not necessary.

Me: Great.

After that, I was given some gelatinous, gross, goop to numb my throat, which I promptly choked on and spit out. The goop had the consistantsy of Spackle and gargling with it was not an option. Dr. Rodriguez then took an atomiser with a 1 foot long nozzle and gingerly jammed it down my throat, spraying a liquid form of said gelatinous gross goop around the throat area.
Next, I met the Cardiologist (Dr. Cohen) who was going to do the TEE. He was a jokester & wanted to know what in the heck made me decide to have a retinal ocular occlusion!

Then they hooked my nose up with an oxygen tube and put an oxygen mask on me.

And then they placed a blue mouth guard in my mouth so they could guide the camera down my throat more easily. The mouth guard made it very difficult to talk, and I was glad of that. I was afraid that the drugs they were giving me would allow my thoughts on the anesthesiologist (total bitch with an attitude that she should have left at home) to go from my directly from my brain and out past my lips- no good would come of that.

After that- I was in la-la land.

When I woke up, I felt sleepy, but good. I was told my blood sugar held at 166 during the TEE and that my test went well. Arteries look VERY good, with minor thickening of the aorta most likely due to genetics/diabetes and that it was nothing that would cause my crazy Retinal occlusion.

Then I had to wait 24 hours for my Cardiologist Dr T to call to see the tests before I could say for 100 % if I was indeed a 1 in a million case.

Dr. T called me late Thursday afternoon and said that the test results looked good and that they could give me no reason as to why what happened. I was concerned about the "slight thickening of the aorta w/plack" but Dr T said: On a scale of 1 to 4, with 1 being the best, 2 being mild, 3 being moderate and 4 being a complete blockage, I was considered 1 and in great shape.

Plus, my corroded artery test showed that my corroded were in great shape, and Dr T felt that that those tests were a great indicator of the bodies vascular system as a whole.

"Basically Kelly, we can't give you a definitive answer as to why this happened because we just don't know and most likely, we'll never have a probable answer as to why this happened to you. Might of been this, could have been that, we just don't know."


I had to admit, I was grateful, but still very nervous and scared. I continue to think about all the "what if's."

What if it happens again?
What if it happens to my good eye?
What if I didn't love bacon so much?
What if I'd taken more of this medication or less of that one?
What if, what if, WHAT IF!!

The whole "what if" thing was and is driving me nuts to the point of keeping me awake at night. During the day I've been bombarded with moments of grief and fear, and moments of complete and utter exasperation and sheer exhaustion.

I've also been blessed with many moments of love, compassion, prayers, and humor.

Bottom line, life goes on and bad shit sometimes happens to good people. I could let this rule my world and let it stop me in my tracks, or I can continue to move forward with life and celebrate all that life has to offer.

I've decided to move forward and get back to the business of living.

The whole eye thing might indeed be 1 in a million, but I'm 1 in a million in more ways then one DAMN IT, and not just because of my eye "issue".

I've embraced my 1 in a million status...and I'm more than OK with it- because life is beautiful and any way you look at it, I'm 1 lucky lady!

A Video Shoot of Aortic Proportions

Greetings friends, fellow pirates, and members of dblogville.

Life has been hectic as of late and the medical tests continue. I'm seriously looking forward to closing the book on this chapter (that being every Dr. I've come in contact with in the last two weeks favorite medical oddity. I'm OVER IT) in Kelly's Big Book of Life and move forward.

Tomorrow it's back to the eye specialist for a follow up and on Wednesday I will be an active participant in a video/photoshoot of my aortic valves & company. This procedure is called a TEE or Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram.

Basically, they put a camera down my throat and esophagus and take video & stills of my heart chamber.

LOVELY - I know. But hopefully, it will show that all is good in that area.

Me being a bit of a camera whore - I'm sure they'll get some good shots.

I'll admit-I'm big time nervous about what they'll find, but this needs to be done in order to move on, so I agreed to it.

"Diabetically" speaking, blood sugars have been spot on.

Speaking of blood sugars,I have a question for you guys:

This test requires that I fast and not eat before they shove said camera down my throat. Any insulin pumpers out there who can offer advice regarding fasting/basal rates for same day medical procedures?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated by yours truly and I'd be forever in your debt.

And of course,sharing your advice would definitely put you one notch up on Santa's "Good" list ;)

Music Is A Visible Thing. Close Your Eyes. You Will See.

Our Strength grows out of our weakness ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ahoy & God Bless The Platypus!

Photo courtesy of Toonitup.com & my friend @notsostilllifes

Photo courtesy of MotivatedPhotos.com

AHOY!!!! First and foremost- a HUGE & HEARTFELT THANKS YOU to all of my friends in the DOC. Your love, support, positive vibes, and willingness to not only talk like a pirate and don an eye patch means the world to me!!

I can’t even begin to articulate what your kind words and funny actions mean to me.

A proper letter of thanks will be posted tomorrow!

Anyway, my tests results from Friday were FANTASTIC.

EKG- GORGEOUS.

Corroded Arteries-GORGEOUS. And to quote the 2 corroded artery ultrasound specialists: Kel, YOU have a great set of corroded arteries with almost no plac for a person over 35. And especially for a person who’s had type 1 for 32 years!

Echo cardiogram- FANTASTIC.

So far, my Endo, Cardiologist, and crackerjack team of ophthalmologists from Wills Eye all believe this my ocular occlusion was a one in a million occurrence and ironically WAS NOT DIABETES RELATED.

Now, I just need to get a Stress Test and a few brain scans out of the way for a clean bill of health.

I absolutely believe that God,Buddha,The Goddess,etc or whoever the powers that be is or are (and I absolutely believe in loving & funny higher power) does indeed have a sense of humor. Seriously, have you ever seen or read about the platypus?

Whatever the reason is for my right eye losing most of its vision I will accept and move on.

If for some reason Mr. Wonderful gives my right eye some more vision- I will be happy. And if Mr. Wonderful continues to provide me with the little vision I have left in my right eye, I will be happy. My brain is already adapting and my left eye is picking up the slack quite nicely.

I will continue to work, laugh,learn, and will continue to make others laugh and learn, and move forward with my life instead of looking back.

I won’t focus on what I don’t have, but will continue to look ahead and focus on what is ahead.

Glad to be back blogging and will report more when I know more!

Coincidence or Fact? You Be The Judge...

Ironically, when I woke up Monday morning with the feeling that something was in my eye.

I also woke up with absolutely no pain in my arm our rotator cuff.

For over a year I've been dealing with pain in my right arm & rotator cuff, after I injured my shoulder doing something mundane- trying to check if I'd packed my laptop in the backseat, while driving. I kept feeling around for the laptop shock pocket in the backseat while driving. Over 40% of all rotator cuff injuries are caused by doing this, so don't do it, EVER.

The arm and shoulder felt like there was a continual lactic acid buildup- 24 X7.

I had an MRI that showed only normal ware and tare of the shoulder and arm.

Two thoracic ribs on the right side of my back kept popping out, and while my range of motion was not severely limited with my arm- it sure as hell hurt to move my shoulder and arm while doing certain exercises. And sometimes, If I moved my arm to far back behind, I'd get a shooting pain. Sometimes, the pain would wake me up in the middle of the night.

Yet, all signs pointed to a rotator cuff issue.

Monday morning when I woke up, the first thing that I noticed was that my right arm and shoulder didn't hurt, like at all. Not one bit! I'd been waking up in pain for over a year -it was indeed a strange and wonderful feeling.

The second thing I noticed was the whole right eye issue thing.

I didn't put two and two together until yesterday when I realized: WOW- my shoulder and arm barely hurt at all!

Personally, I think that in all the scar tissue in my right rotator cuff, there was a blood clot a brewing.

Sunday, I had a crazy two-hour pool workout that included weights and cardio - I was doing exercises with weights that I hadn't been able to do in quite sometime.

I felt great!

I felt great on Monday morning.

Tomorrow I will be having my ecco cardiogram & corroded artery tests and I will bring up the whole rotator cuff / arm issue.

I'm not a really a betting woman- but something tells me that these coincidences do indeed go together. I'm thinking maybe I should pick up some lottery tickets on the way to my appointment at Jefferson University.

Ahoy for now!

Dear Dblogville: I Will Be Seeing Things In a Different, But No less Beautiful Light

5th UPDATE: THIS HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH DIABETES -and I have the test results to prove it! Nothing to do with heart or brain issues. It was a 1 in a million thing- just like me~

4th UPDATE 12/11/09: Yesterdays Brain MRI and MRA are perfectly normal. Well...as normal as a brain owned and operated by yours truly can be~

3RD UPDATE 12/7/09: HeartEKG/ Echo cardiogram/Corroded Artery tests all came back negative. Apparently, I have no blockages, incredibly little plack, a fine looking heart muscle. and a "great set of corroded arteries!"

12/3/09 2ND UPDATE: Both my Endocrinoligist & The two eye specialists (who both said I had the most beautiful looking retinas they'd ever seen on a PWD with diabetes for 32 yrs) agree that my vision loss WAS NOT caused by Diabetes.

This is an updated version of last nights letter that I sent in reply to the emails in my inbox. It has some new updates, and less grammatical errors & typos. Though I did have some really good excuses for the latter, including getting my eyes dilated twice in one day, having my veins shot up with all sorts of dye- and the whole lack of vision thing.

Dearest Dtribe:

Thank you all for being such wonderful caring friends!

Without your love and positivity life would be much more difficult.

I love and appreciate every single one of you VERY much!

Tuesday was a very long day that involved multiple Doctors,tests, and a shitload of tears.

I tried keeping up on Twitter and email- but I was in a very poor calling area and couldn't access any online activity.

Plus mentally, I was dealing with some stuff.

You all know what happened on Monday, so I wont rehash.

Visually, my eye looks perfect. No pain, no redness, no goo, no outward swelling.

The good news, I have VERY LITTLE diabetic retnopothy- especially for someone whose had diabetes for 32 years.

But, a 1 in a million occurrence happened. I developed a blood clot in my eye called a retinal artery occlusion. Basically my right eye had a stroke and oxygen supply was lost to the vascular system of the eye. If it's not caught within 90 minutes of occurring,you loose your vision.

The kicker is- you don't have any symptoms. They don't know when this happened, it might have happened while I was sleeping since I woke up feeling like something was in my eye.

I've lost most of my vision in my right eye, permanently. The clot could have gone to my brain, but did not.

Yes, it was a lot to take in, and there were many moments where I couldn't speak because the fear and grief that caused a huge lump in my throat.

Thank God my friend Cathy V, and my sister Cathy M(two separate Cathy's who I love VERY much) were there to take notes and answer questions when I was to upset to.

On a positive note, I was born with an extra blood vessel in that eye- which only 15 to 20% of the population is born with.

That small, wonderful little vessel who I've decided to call "Mr Wonderful", provided my eye with some oxygen. And that wonderful blood vessel will allow me to see a bit from my right eye, once the swelling& pressure around the retinal area goes down.

The Docs are not sure if this is diabetes related or not- especially since I had very little diabetic retnopathy for someone w/D for 32 yrs.

They actually feel it could be due to heart and stroke issues that run in my family.

And they also thing it might have been some freak factor - one in a million shot.

The medical staff at both specialists office were very upset, brutally honest, and incredibly supportive.

The DON'T believe it will happen in my left eye - which is strong, and is already starting to compensate for the right.

I will be getting an ecco cardiogram & a corroded artery test to rule out any blockages.

The way I see things now will be different but no less beautiful.

I will still see the wonders that the world has to offer and experience the love of friends like all of you.

And for that, I am truly blessed.

This morning I woke up and had some sad moments.

I cried when I opened my eyes.

I guess I just need to get used to waking up too the world in a different way.

Not only did I cry, but I sobbed until I couldn't catch my breath.

Then I got up, scheduled my ecco cardiogram & corroded artery test for Friday afternoon.

To be honest, I continued to cry as I scheduled the tests.

On the bright side- my tears made the receptionists on the other end of the phone schedule me ASAP.

i've decided that I will cry when needed,but just as important, l will also continue to laugh and live.

This is a moment in my life that is a life changing one- but not necessary for the worse.

On the contrary, I will fight very hard to see (no pun intended) the gifts that this moment has given,and will continue to give me.

Like I said, the clot could have gone to my brain, the fact that it did not is indeed a gift.

The fact that my experience might get others to go to both the heart and eye Dr, is indeed a gift.

There is the gift of continuing on with life.

I will continue to live, be a Diabetes Advocate (perhaps a diabetes / Retina Artery Occlusion Advocate now) work, blog, and find the funny a regarding this most recent bump on the road of life.

And I absolutely expect all of you to do the same.

Just please don't send any braille get well cards, because I have too much on my plate and I don't have time to learn a new language just yet!

But feel free to done some new fashions inspired by yours truly by clicking HERE!

LOVE YOU ALL

k2