Diabetes Memory #12,113,099: The One Where My A1C Goes Down Half A Point, So Why Was Stressing?

So yesterday was my Endo appointment with the glorious, fantastical, and genius Dr. J. 

I’d cancelled my February appointment and hadn’t seen him since the fall. 

At that visit my A1c had been 7.4 and I was nervous. I wanted my A1C to go down and just as important, I wanted ALL my numbers to be good -  Including liver; kidneys, and cholesterol.

The past 7 months have been crazy as you all know, and filled with ridiculous amount of change. 

My mom died, I had the giant task of handling her estate and all that went with it. 

Dealing with distribution of assets, and putting her house and things on the market  - two subjects I have a really tough time talking about, let alone writing about.  But I will say  it was incredibly hard, very emotional and it down right sucked! 

Plus, I had to deal with my own shit regarding my life, my work, not to mention my diabetes.  5 weeks ago I moved and then flew out to California 3 days later.  Came home 4 days later and  closed on my mother’s house 7 days later, which closed the door forever on my childhood home - And that was pretty rough indeed.

So  yeah, the past 7 months have been whirlwind - And not in the good way. 

But now I can focus 100% on myself and my work and my life. And that’s a weird feeling because it seems like forever since I’ve been able to do that. 

And I am doing that, and things are going well for the most part. But there’s a part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop - And thats got to stop. Because by waiting for something bad to happen, I can’t fully enjoy all the good that’s happening to me. 
Wait, what was the point of this post again?? 

ANYWAY, I was surprised when Dr. J told me that my A1C had dropped by 1/2 a point and that all my numbers were normal. 

ME: REALLY? 

Dr. J: YEAH, REALLY.

Me: What about my liver function? 

Dr. J. Completely normal.
Me: What about my thyroid numbers? 

Dr. J: Kel-Lee (that’s how he pronounces my name, and I love it) they are normal, completely in range.

Me: What about cholesterol?? 

Dr. J: GREAT.

Me: They told me out front my blood pressure was slightly higher than normal.

Dr. J: Yeah, that’s because stressing about being here - Kel-lee, that always happens to you. you ALWAYS get nervous when they weigh you, test your sugar and blood pressure. Then you sit in the exam room, calm down, we chat, I take it again and it’s normal. DON”T WORRY.

Me: Maybe they shouldn’t weigh us first  - that should be last. Public weigh-ins really add to the pressure - know what I mean? 

Dr. J:  I'll make a note of that.  Kel- lee with all the stress you’ve had, your A1C has gone down 1/2 a point and your other numbers are great. Plus you managed to keep 10 out of 13 pounds off that you lost when your mom was sick. 

So if you can do all that when your stress levels are high, imagine what you can do when you don't have those stress factors. You are in the home stretch regarding this whole estate and you are doing fantastic. You should be so proud of all you've done despite what happened - Give yourself some credit!  BUT  with that being said: According to my notes, we MUST look at new pump options - Yours is well past its warranty - And that fact is stressing me out!!! 

Me:  You know I have commitment issues. Honestly, I just don't feel like one more changing one more thing in my life.

Dr. J: You are going to make some pump very happy! And we have to deal with this - like now. 

And then we laughed an talked more about pumps and cgms and we just talked person to person, not Doctor to patient -  And he never once looked at the clock. 

Then we said our goodbyes and I scheduled my next  appointment and walked around the city for a bit. 

And I thought of all the good things that had happened to me in the past few weeks - And I really tried to focus on being grateful and happy and content - And I was grateful and happy and content that I had been lucky enough to find him as my Endo all those years ago. 

And then I posted my A1C on Facebook via my iPhone and had an awesome amount of comments/ thumbs-up regarding my 7.0 status. Something like 75. 

And all those "thumbs-ups" and kind words  made me feel loved and happy and filled with hope - And those are wonderful things to feel - So thanks DOC - from the bottom of my imperfect pancreas!