Diabetes: Giving Up Control To Get Control

Starting 2018 with much needed changes that I made at the end of 2017. Asking for help, giving up control to get control. 

This is me - except my hair never looks this good or this effortless. 

After my last Endo appointment in November; struggling to lower my A1C; (it's stubbornly stayed at 7.4 since July,) lower my daily insulin intake and drop weight, I decided to listen to my CDE., give up some control and let her and my Endo look at my numbers and make changes. 

And as long as I’m being honest, I was scared shitless to upload my Omnipod’s PDM to Glooko (which comes with Omnipod purchase,)and have my CDE and Endo access my info. 

Even though I have a fantastic and incredibly supportive relationship with my Diabetes Team,  old fears die hard, and I was afraid of being judged and shamed - even though my CDE & Endo have never done either. 

My diabetes team is amazing - and I know how lucky I am. 

But it’s amazing how old shame and guilt can rear it’s ugly head and cause you to NOT get the help you need. 

Showing my numbers would mean showing my flaws - which of course I have - and I know my HealthCare professionals know I have them - but now those flaws, were going to be print and available to share via Glooko. 

Also, lets talk about the the whole "control thing." 

There’s so much we can’t control on life… and our life with diabetes. 

Like you, I work hard when it comes to diabetes - and I still wasn’t getting the results I wanted. 

My a1c wouldn’t budge; I’d only lost a couple of pounds and I don’t eat huge carb filled meals very often - all incredibly frustrating. 

What I was doing wasn't working - I was taking much more insulin that someone my age and size should be taking.

I needed to give up my control in order to get the control I need and crave. 

I sucked it up, took a deep breathe and did what I was asked. 

My first round consisted of uploading/ sharing 2 weeks worth of numbers, followed by a second round of uploading and sharing 12 days worth of numbers  - and apologizing for my sucky numbers. 

4 days later, my CDE responded in the greatest of ways: 
“Kelly, please don't ever apologize for your blood sugars. You're obviously putting a lot of work into this. And these two weeks are much more stable than what we saw in the last upload. 
You aren't staying high, you work hard to bring the BG back down.”

She also told me that I was actually doing too much work  - for the results I was getting. 
Her words literally made me cry tears of joy and I posted about it on fb and twitter.

Her response motivated me to take her suggestions to heart and actually make them. 

My CDE was convinced that I was utilizing too much basal and too little bolus and wanted to closely mimic my old, "less insulin" pattern with a few changes to simplify things. 
She made drastic changes to my basal, carb ratio, and correction factors and said that if I wanted to wait until the holidays were over to make the changes, I could. 
I didn't want to wait put them into practice as soon as I received her email - 5 days before Christmas. 

The changes were immediate. 
My first 5 days (including Chinese food for Christmas dinner with my family because none of us felt like cooking,) resulted in daily insulin totals between 10 and 13 units LOWER per day, than my old settings. 

On day 6 the cold; sore throat, congestion, and cough that had been brewing in my system went all mock 5 and I caved. Setting elevated temp basal rates. 

Here’s the kicker: Even with higher temp basal for sick days, I was still taking between 6 and 10 units less on those sick days than I would have been with my old settings. 

And I’ve lost 1.5 pounds. 

MIND OFFICIALLY BLOWN.

Things I've Learned/Been Reminded Of

This experiencereinforced that I don’t know everything, can be too proud for my own good,  

and that I’m not great with change, even when it brings good things. 
I'm glad I moved out of my own way, shared my numbers with my team and took their advice. 

I need to upload my next round of numbers at the end of the week and will embrace what ever tweaks are required. 

Bottom line: Change can be hard  - even when it’s good. 
Admitting; asking, and taking help isn't easy. 
IN 2018 I’m embracing change and those who help me make the changes needed to become what and who I want to be in my life…. and my life with diabetes~ 

Am I The Only One Who's OCD RE: Lab Work & My Fasting Blood Sugar?

I'm supposed to get my blood work done tomorrow for my Endo appointment next week. 

Here's the thing: My blood sugars have been in the crapper since the middle of last week, I have a nasty summer cold and sore throat and I'm currently on a temporary basal rate that fluctuates anywhere between 119% and 125% over the last 5 days. 
And FTR: I feel like crap. besides the cold and sore throat, I have a blood sugar headache and my neck hurts. 
I know it shouldn't matter if my labs show a high and or elevated fasting blood sugar -especially since I'm fighting off a cold and a sore throat.   
I know my lab work isn't about the fasting blood sugar, it's about what's going on in my body since my last Endo appointment, not the #blood sugar I had when I had my blood drawn. 
And my Endo, the Rocking Dr. J never chastises me for a high and or higher than normal fasting blood sugar - He gets that every blood sugar number has a story and wants to hear that story - with no judgement. 

But for some stupid and deep seeded reason a high fasting blood sugar matters to me - And it always has. It's like I'm #dstigma - tizing myself. 
Of course, there's a  50/50 chance that A1c has gone in the wrong direction and hyper focusing on my fasting blood sugar this time around is some sort of avoidance issue. 

My question: Am I the only one who feels the need to have an acceptable fasting blood sugar when it comes to lab work or am I just completely OCD?