Diabetes Myth Busting @ Starbucks, Keeping My Cool & Extending My Post Endo Afterglow~

I don't know about you, but I always want to bask in the afterglow of a good Endo appointment as long as possible. That's not always doable, especially when you're put on the defense about your disease and your community with some one who has no idea.
Still, I'm thankful that I was able get my diabetes myth buster cape on, keep my cool and hold onto my post Endo afterglow. 
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It was cold and rainy in the city yesterday and I made a beeline to the Starbucks directly across the street from my Endo’s before heading home. 
I was freezing and in need of caffeine, so much so that I decided it was worth risking incurring extra parking fees in order to secure a hot cup of Chai tea with steamed milk.
Sidebar: Labs were great and my A1C was 7.7, up from 7.4 - My Endo was thrilled - take that steroids!
The Starbucks line was long and stretched from the register, around the food cases/coffee displays, and curved around to the hallway where the restrooms were.
I took my place in line, looked around and immediately started a conversation with the man directly behind me, (and who from this moment forward, I will refer to as Coffee Dude,) because I realized that I’d inadvertently snagged his spot inline and didn’t realize it until after the fact. 
After some ribbing from him and me offering to switch places, which he declined,  
he asked me why I was smiling.
And for the record, I didn't realize I was smiling, but I sure was happy.
Me: Good Doctor’s appointment. 
Coffee Dude: Most Doctors are in sickness for the money - they don’t care about the patient.
Me: Ahhh, ok. Honestly, if you don’t like your Dr, find a new that you click with - one who treats you like an equal - My Endo and I work really well together and we make a great team. I love him!
Coffee Dude: Endo? Why do you need an Endo? 
Me: My pancreas doesn’t work.
He looked at my like I had 3 heads. 
Me: I have diabetes. 
Coffee Dude: You have diabetes? That’s for sure misdiagnoses - you look great!
Me: This is what diabetes looks like. 

Coffee Dude: Sorry, but you're not what I envision a person with diabetes looking like.
I could literally feel my ears turn red and I took a deep breath and said: 
So exactly what to you equate people with diabetes looking like? 
Sidebar: I knew exactly what he thought people with diabetes looked like.
Perpetuating diabetes myths, party of one, your table is ready!
Do you equate people with diabetes being lazy or ugly or out of shape - because that's not the case. Diabetes isn't a character flaw, living with diabetes means you either have metabolic disorder, like people with type 2 - which by the way, has a very strong genetic component, or an autoimmune disease and your body no longer makes insulin, like people with t1 - like me.
There’s also LADA 1.5 , which I’m not even going to go into, because we’ll run out of time - but Google it. As a matter of fact, google “diabetes facts verses diabetes myths,” and see what comes up. 

Coffee Dude: Are you sure you weren’t misdiagnosed?
Me: Positive - I’m going into my 38 year of living with t1 diabetes. 
Coffee Dude: OH, OK. So wait... you don't grow out of juvenile diabetes? 
AAARRRGGG!
And I wanted the conversation to end immediately and for several reasons.  

1. I was afraid he’d start to say derogatory things about people with type 2  and I wasn’t going to stand for that - and it wouldn't have ended well for him
2. I was afraid he was going to bring up some bullshit okra/cinnamon cure  - again, it would not have ended well for him
3. Coffee Dude was seriously effing with my post Endo afterglow and I wanted to hold on to it as long as I could because I worked damn hard for it. 

Then as if by some magical forces created by both the diabetes gods and coffee gods deciding to work in tandem and for the good of everyone, the line moved and within 56 seconds I was standing in front of the register, paying for my Chai tea with steamed milk and moving to the end of the counter to wait for it. 

Once again, the magic of the diabetes and coffee gods merged together and my Chai with tea with steamed milk arrived at the end of the counter 60 seconds after I did.

I thanked the Barista, grabbed my drink and some napkins and exited the building without looking back. 

Could I have educated Coffee Dude and advocated more and torn him a new one in the name of diabetes advocacy?  
 Yes, but I'm glad I didn't tare him a new one - sometimes less really is more and keeping your sanity takes priority, as does extending your post Endo Afterglow as long as possible~

Diabetes Memory 124,659: Eat First, Explain Later.

I was thinking about my dad this morning and all of sudden the phrase "eat first, explain later," popped into my head. His long ago advice taught me as a child with type 1 to listen to what my diabetes was telling me and do what I had to, ASAP.
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When I was first diagnosed  with diabetes back in “77,” before glucose meters and CGMs, 
I remember my dad (who was also a type 1,) telling me the following: If you start to feel low, do what you have to and do it immediately. Don’t make a grand production of it, just eat  first and explain later. Grab your snack from your desk or from your dance bag or on the playground, eat and then tell your teacher how you’re feeling. 
Don’t wait and don’t be afraid or embarrassed about what your friends or teachers might think. They don’t want anything bad to happen to you - they love you.

By eating first and explaining later, I soon found that I didn't have to explain the why, because my teachers and my friends understood the why. 

They'd ask if I was OK and if needed anything, but eating first and on my own terms allowed some feeling of control when diabetes  was challenging me in terms of control. 

And in a way the phrase gave me confidence. Simple and direct, the rule of eat first and explain later, gave me power when it came to and over my diabetes. 
I may have been mad that the low blood sugar was occurring and where - still am for that matter, but that's a subject for a different post. 

Today with diabetes and technology, I'm all about testing my blood sugars, one might even say I'm obsessed with it - and there are times I say " I've got to eat know," when I know my internal blood sugar GPS is dipping south, but in those moments where my blood sugar drops low lightning quick and seemingly out of the blue, I eat/treat first and explain later if needed -  And I make no apologies for doing what needs to be done. 

#tbt Diabetes Style: Multi Purpose Tongs That Boiled Needles, Flipped Bacon & Caused My Dad To Break Into O' Sole Mio"

My mom and or my dad would stand over a little tan pot with a dark brown handle filled with boiling water, one eye on the clock  & with these tongs in hand. 

My folks were still in the habit of sterilizing needles, even though by the time I was diagnosed disposable needles had hit the market and were the norm. A throwback practice from the days when they only had two children with diabetes instead of three and needles were made of glass and sharpened with a stone slate .
And in some weird way I think they found the ritual comforting.
These were the very same tongs that after being washed, worked their magic flipping bacon for 6 children and two adults.

God, it's funny what you remember about growing up - And growing up with diabetes. 

Today, these ancient tongs are still used every now and then - Like when my “real tongs” broke and lost their springiness while I was right in the middle of a veggie stir fry extravaganza. And they can still flip bacon like a badass and with chef like precision.  

Mostly though, I keep them around for what and who they remind me of. 
Also: These well worn tongs were the subject matter of a post from January of 2012 - Which I've reposted below in honor of #tbt - And the people who they remind me of every single time I look at them~
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Diabetes Memories: Boil, Boil, Toil & Trouble - Of Boiled Insulin Needles & Other Diabetes Givens Growing Up~

With three people with diabetes growing up in the house, (four if you count my oldest sister who got married when I was 4) things got pretty crazy, not to mention expensive.

And there were certain diabetes givens in the Kunik household

Like my dad kept his insulin in the butter compartment in the fridge in the utility room, while my sister and I kept our insulin in the fridge in the kitchen.

My dad used Lente as his long acting insulin and I used NPH - And I think my sister did too.

I remember my dad, Debbie and I always busting out needles before we ate our meals, right there at the table - no matter who was at the table. That was our diabetes reality and if you ate at the Kunik table, you were bound to see some hypodermics being injected before the main course.

I remember glasses of orange juice measured out perfectly to treat a lows and the the anxiousness in which we drank down that orange juice.

I remember Tab and Fresca and Diet Pineapple Fanta and diet Orange Shasta always being on hand - Same goes for Diet Pepsi.

I remember that when I was first diagnosed, I used Sweet N Low in my cereal, while my father used something called Sweeta - A liquid sweetner that I thought was heinous.

And those are just a few of the many diabetes memories that enter my clogged mind on a daily basis!

I also have these very vivid memories of my father (and my mother for that matter,) boiling our insulin needles over the stove in a tiny little tan pot with a brown handle - which is something they started doing way before I came to be.

Because back in the Diabetes Dark Ages, needles were made of glass and required boiling and sterilization before each use. So my parents spent of time pre Kelly boiling needles over the kitchen stove.

By the time I was diagnosed, needles were disposable and came in boxes filled with at least a hundred. But my dad still boiled mine to make them last longer, which taught me a few diabetes lessons early on. Lessons like:

1. The numbers and lines on the needle started to become faint and difficult to read after it’s been boiled a few times
2. Much like “blunt lancets,” the more you use a needle (after you boil it, of course) the more blunt it gets!

My eight year old self would have major arguments with parents regarding boiled needles and how much they sucked.

And I remember my dad talking about the cost and then singing an intangible and entirely made up english version of O' Sole Mio in a mock yiddish accent while boiling the needles and waving the tongs around to make me laugh and get me off the subject.

Looking back now, I realize how much they had on their plate - And I’m still amazed at how they did it all.

And I’m reminded how far diabetes care has come - And how O' Sole Mio no longer applies~

Do you have any diabetes memories from growing up with diabetes?

Joe, My Very First Friend With Diabetes & How Life Comes Full Circle~

Writing about Joe, my very first friend with diabetes was difficult because there were so many ways I could tell the story. 
For me the story represents a tale of friendship and diabetes and life coming full circle -  With a dash of wonder thrown in. So that's how I'm going to tell it. 
###### 
Once upon a time and in the summer of "77," there was a little girl named Kelly who started to feel "not quite right," and right before she entered third grade. 
That was the summer where Kelly grew really tall and lanky and down right thin. 
And that was also the summer where Kelly was always so incredibly thirsty that no amount of water, soda or juice could quench it. And of course always being thirsty meant that Kelly was always running to the bathroom.
Finally on Halloween, Kelly’s parents drove her Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia, PA, (CHOP) where she was was diagnosed with diabetes and admitted - And where she stayed for three weeks. 
It was there Kelly met her Peds Endocrinologist, Dr. Lester Baker. 
Dr. Baker was a kind man with a deep voice and a big laugh, and who always told Kelly that she made him smile.  And he never failed to give Kelly a big hug whenever she saw him - which was a lot. 
On day number two, or maybe number three of her hospital stay, Dr. Baker introduced Kelly to Joe, who turned out to be Kelly’s very first friend with diabetes. 
Joe looked like a grown up, except he didn’t act like one. 
True, he worked at CHOP and in tandem with Dr. Baker, but Joe was still in school.
Kelly didn't know what he was studying or what school he was attending, she just knew Joe was really funny and smart - And that college or not, Joe was just a big kid. 
He was tall with black hair that fell just above his shoulders, with a thick New York accent and a goofball sense of humor. 
Joe always made Kelly laugh and Joe encouraged Kelly to talk about the good, the bad and diabetesalicous of it all. Joe talked with Kelly about life with diabetes and didn’t dumb it down - And the fact that Joe talked to Kelly and with Kelly, and never at her, made all the difference.

Like I said, Joe was Kelly’s first friend with diabetes. Turns out Joe had been diagnosed with diabetes as a child, so Joe “got it.” 

Kelly and Joe would have most of their heart to hearts by the fountain in the atrium across froth the McDonalds at CHOP. 
Yes, it was the 1970s, things were much more loosey goosey and there was indeed a McDonald's at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Times have changed, and today CHOP has an actual Food Court. 
Anyway, that's where Kelly and Joe would hang out, eat their Cheeseburgers (after clearing it with both Kelly’s nurse and dietitian of course,) loaded with extra pickles and ketchup and drink their Diet Cokes and talk about everything under the sun.
 Joe would tell Kelly: Kel, you know what I’m going to do when they find a cure for diabetes? I’m gonna rent out the whole Breyers Ice Cream factory and throw a party for all my friends with diabetes and we’re gonna to go crazy! 

Kelly would laugh and tell him she couldn't wait until that day, and then she'd try and crack jokes about diabetes - not necessarily funny, but not bad for an almost 9 year old. 
And after trying to make him laugh, Kelly would talk to Joe about her big sister Debbie who also had t1 diabetes and how she was so sick. 
Kelly told Joe how Debbie kept getting worse instead of better and how Debbie being sick, made Kelly scared and mad all at the same time. 

Sometimes Kelly’s parents would sit in on those sessions - AND looking back - they probably met with Kelly’s friend Joe by themselves. 
Lets face it, being a parent to a child, let alone 3 children with diabetes wasn't easy then, and it's not easy now~ 

Finally, Kelly was allowed to go home and she did OK her first few years with diabetes. But at the end of 6th grade she was readmitted to CHOP because Kelly was having some issues and her A1c had hit the double digits. 
I have it on very good authority that Kelly was furious with her parents for readmitting her to CHOP - and she refused to say goodbye to them at the 3rd floor elevators when they were leaving after settling her in - And between you and me, she still feels kinda bad about that. 
During that week in the hospital, Kelly cried her eyes out to her friend Joe - and on a daily basis.

Joe let her cry and Joe also told her she needed to "get it together" if she wanted to live a good life and talked with her about doing just that. 
And Kelly knew in her heart that Joe was right. 
The week ended, Kelly went home and things with her diabetes were better for a time. 
Her friend Joe left CHOP for places unknown & Kelly never got to say goodbye. 
But she never forgot Joe - And every time she thought of him, Kelly smiled. 

Over the years and whenever she met a child with diabetes - Kelly talked with them and to them - Not at them - Just like her friend Joe had done with her. 

For years and well into adulthood, she’d talk of her very first friend with diabetes named Joe - And how he’d made such a positive impact on her life, and her life with diabetes. 
Sidebar: Every time Kelly saw a movie with Ron Silver in the cast, she thought of her old friend Joe, because the actor reminded her of her long ago first friend with diabetes. 

Cut to the end of 2008/ beginning of 2009. Kelly was getting ready to move, but was procrastinating in the name of diabetes. She was checking out the Animas website and had clicked on the " Animas Employees with Diabetes," video link. 
She decided to cut the procrastinating and kill two birds with one stone. 
So she listened to the Animas employees with diabetes interviews while she was cleaning out her walk-in-closet. 
And as Kelly was packing up her clothes in wardrobe boxes, she heard a familiar voice with a thick New York accent. 
And Kelly was all like: NO. WAY. No way, no way, no way!! 
Kelly hadn’t heard that voice since she was 12 - And that voice literally stopped Kelly in her tracks. 
IS THAT MY FRIEND JOE? She asked asked herself out loud. 
Kelly poked her head out of her walk-in-closet and looked at the computer screen - And there on the screen was her old friend Joe, wearing a fez hat and talking about life with diabetes. His hair was much shorter - but it was Joe. 

After 30+ years, Kelly found out that Joe was not only alive and well, but that he was still doing what he did best - Helping children and families with diabetes and had gone on to do wonderful things in the world of diabetes. 

And finally after 32+ years of talking about her friend Joe, she actually learned his last name - It was Solowiejczyk. 
And the fact that Joe Solowiejczyk was still alive and doing what he did with such gusto made her smile and it made her very happy. 
Kelly, who had mastered the art googling, emailed her old friend Joe but didn’t hear back. 
Cut to less than a year later in Orlando, Florida. Kelly was attending the Roche New Media Summit at The World Marriott,which happened to piggy backThe Children With Diabetes Friends For Life Conference, which was being held at the very same hotel that year. 
While Kelly was talking at the bar with a group of Diabetes Bloggers - she spied her old friend, Joe. 
So she took a deep breath and walked up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and said: 

Kelly:  Are you Joe, Joe Solowi..? 

Joe: Yep, I'm Solowiejczyk!

Kelly: Oh, OK. Hi. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but my name is Kelly Kun.. 

Joe: You're Kelly Kunik!  You were my 3rd patient ever - I can still see your patient card in my mind  - OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU. YOU MADE IT -YOU”RE STILL ALIVE. 

And it was like all the years that had passed had magically melted away and Kelly and Joe hugged one another tight (and their eyes may or may not have gotten misty,) and it was as if no time had passed - Except of course it had. 
Now they had both grown up and they were both in the diabetes world - which and not so ironically, isn’t as large as you might think - It's actually quite small. 

Joe Solo & Kelly
Old friends and friends for life - ADA 2012
Philadelphia, Convention Center~ 

Now they see each other every year at Children With Diabetes, Friends For Life and a few other D conferences - And they keep in touch in real life. 
And Kelly,(who FTR, normally never writes in the third person) blogs about living with diabetes. 
And she (OK, me,) recently had the opportunity to read her old her very first friend with diabetes, Joe Solowiejczyk's amazing new ibook: A type 1 Diabetes Guide to The Universe & interviewed Joe about his book and his website AMileInMyShoes.com,via the Skype. 

You’ll get to read all about it tomorrow - You’ll also have the chance to win a copy of the book for yourself!  

So what’s the moral(s) of this story? 

It's pretty simple. The world is smaller than we imagined and everything in our world does indeed comes full circle.  

One person makes a positive impact on many - And in the world of diabetes, friends become friends for life~   But I have a feeling you've already experienced that last part ;) 

#tbt Diabetes Memory #2393: The One Where I Lied About Sneaking Food & Broke Up A Friendship

My sister without diabetes & I were discussing body issues one day a few years back and she asked me if I ever thought I'd suffered from body dysmorphic, eating disorders or food issues because of diabetes. 
I told her that while I don't believe I had an eating disorder because of diabetes, diabetes certainly helped me have issues with food because of the very nature of living with diabetes.
Honestly, I think that when you you grow up with people watching what you eat, questioning what you eat and having to rely on insulin to live - food, eating or not eating becomes a huge focus - And for many, diabetes and food issues can lead and eventually turn into & dangerous and deadly eating disorders like diabulimia.
I also told my sister that I think Diabulimia is very real and very dangerous and that I have friends who have written about their struggles with diabulimia.  
Sidebar: YOU MUST read Christel's beautiful and brutally honest post about her struggle with Diabulimia that she posted today,  HERE. 

Yep, I snuck food and I lied about it as a child and as a teen - A lot. 
And I felt really guilty about  - Still do~ 
 I was a 10 year old who snuck Christmas cookies and rode her bike for miles to offset the contraband Reeses. 
I was a 13 year old who would have rather have lost friends than admit to sneaking food because... because I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be normal - And maybe I wanted some control/choice over something that made me feel like I didn't have any control or choice - I don't know.  Also: See post below.
And today like many people living with diabetes and regardless of the type, I have diabetes food quirks that still have me wondering from time to time: DO I DARE TO EAT A PEACH?

XXXXXX
 This #TBT post that was originally published on 11/15/11

 Growing up at the beach you had your regular friends - The friends you went to grade school, dancing school and CCD with, and the ones who came to almost every birthday party you ever had.

And then you had your summer friends. Summer friends only lived in your town during the summer, and you almost never saw them during the school year.

Summer friends were the friends that you played flashlight tag with, and whose cousin Chip gave you your first sort of real kiss when you were in 6th grade. You’d spend all day at the beach with your summer friends, and then play over at their house all night, until it was time to go home. Then their father walked you around the corner & dropped right at your front door.

You slept over your summer friends houses and read Nancy Drew & Little House On The Prairie at the same time, then acted out the plot of the books.

Summer friends were great, except that by the end of the summer, we all got sick of one another and couldn’t wait to see our school friends again.

Still, every June, the summer friends would come down and the cycle of “Summer Friends” would begin.

I had a whole gang of both summer and regular friends who lived around the block - And we played together from the time we were about 4 until we were in our early teens.

Then, times changed the summer I was 13.

We still hung out, but I could tell it was different. The whole neighborhood kid dynamic started to drift.

That was the last time I was with my neighborhood gang, and it all started with the break-up of my summer friends, the sisters Lucy & Ethel.

Lucy was a year older than me and Ethel was a year younger. Most of the kids in the neighborhood were closer to their ages and that was the summer when age lines started to be drawn in the theoretical sand. Sometimes Lucy would play with me, other times she couldn’t bother. Same with Ethel - who could be moody anyway.

Now the break up was mostly my fault, and I’ll admit it.

I’d begun to sneak food (Oreos & Entenmann’s pastry) on a daily basis from Lucy & Ethel’s kitchen on my way to the bathroom. I’d take the contraband carbs into the bathroom, close the door, down the carbs, rinse my mouth out with water , and went on about my business like nothing happened.

It was the summer and I was incredibly active and growing like a weed, and I was ALWAYS hungry.

Test strips had only been out for a few years and our family shared both a prescription and a meter for 3 people. And since it was the Diabetes Dark Ages, anything and everything was off limits.

It was also the first summer in three years that I wasn’t going to diabetes camp because my family couldn’t afford it. My dad had lost his job and my sister Debbie kept getting sicker. I felt my world changing faster than I could keep up with.

One day I went over to Lucy & Ethel’s - And out of the blue, the jig was up.

Lucy: Kelly, my mom saw you take a danish from the kitchen yesterday afternoon.

Me: No I didn’t . ( I SO TOTALLY DID)

Ethel: She saw you take it to the bathroom and she heard the sink water running in there while you ate it. It’s not good for you, Kelly - You could get sick.

Me: I didn’t eat anything!

Ethel: You did too!
Lucy: It’s OK, just don’t do it again.

ME: I DIDN’T DO IT!!! I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m going home!

And then I ran out the door and I never went back.

I was so embarrassed that I could barely see straight and the tears were streaming down my face! I ran down the block, took a short cut through my neighbors’s yard, hid behind the giant Honeysuckle bush and cried my eyes out.

I felt like such a bad kid. I told myself I was loser and a dork and I felt so alone. The diabetes diet back then was so restrictive and just wanted to enjoy food like everyone else.

I spent a lot of time that summer alone, babysitting and taking long bike rides after dinner.

8th grade sucked for many reasons, and all too numerous to mention, The following summer I started hanging out with kids I’d be going to high school with, and a new group of summer friends.

And I steered clear of the gang around the corner - I was so afraid that Lucy & Ethel had told them what I’d done,

Whenever I think about getting caught and how I handled it, my face still turns red with embarrassment.

It’s never easy growing up, and growing up with diabetes adds a whole new twist~ Add growing up the Diabetes Dark Ages, and the twist turns into a big, fat, sinewy knot of denial.

I wish I could have been honest with Lucy & Ethel. but more importantly, I wish I could have been honest with myself.

And I wish I wouldn't have felt like I had to lie. I wish I could have just taken extra insulin and not worried about it.

But that's not how it was back then.

I long to tell the girl I was that it would all be OK, and that she was going to be OK.

I can’t go back in time, that’s impossible. But I can share my story with you, because I know I'm not the only person living with diabetes who's ever lied about food as a kid - or an adult. But back then, it sure felt like it.

Now a days when we eat something that was once forbidden fruit, we can bolus for it and enjoy it!
Still, even with the bolus, sometimes the D food guilt sneaks up on me & makes me like I'm still sneaking ~
------

February 23rd through March 1st is 

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

For more on the subject, or to find help, visit: 

http://nedawareness.org/

Follow them on twitter @NEDAStaff and follow the 

hashtag: #NEDAwareness

Diabetesalicious Way Back When Post: Dear Kelly In The Past~

This diabetesalicious blast from the past, post originally aired ( I mean posted,) on September 15th, 2008 and I still feel this way 5 years later. 
Even though I still feel this way - And after an incredible week at #CWDFFL13, 
where I was continually reminded in real time by my Green & Orange bracelet wearing family of myself worth in all dimensions! 
I started to think about this post because my #cwdffl13 clan personified what I was feeling when I wrote this post and they made me remember why I wrote it. Thanks guys!
So then I went back and reread it and decided to repost.  
And I'm hoping that by reposting, I will continue to remind myself and anyone else who needs reminding just how fantastical they are - And just how far we've come~
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Wrote this for lots of reasons, all to long to get into. Bottom line, we are imperfect people in an imperfect world - Diabetes or not....And we are wonderful!
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Dear Kelly in the Past -

It’s Kelly from the future. I’m writing you for several reasons. 
*To remind me just how far I’ve come whenever stress and sadness start to creep in regarding life with the big D.
*And how far I still need to go in order to achieve all that life has to offer.
*And to remind others that life goes on and happiness happens, regardless of diabetes. *That there’s stuff (shit) that you to need to move past in order to indeed, live and flourish - d related or not.

*And that as a child or adult with diabetes, you need to live and experience ALL life has to offer.

First off Kelly, please remember no matter how tough life gets with diabetes or otherwise – you deserve the best life has to offer you.
Your not damaged goods because of a faulty pancreas. And every time that voice of self doubt screams out regarding your self worth and what you deserve, remember that everyone – diabetic or not - is never born perfect, no matter how they appear on the outside.

Everyone on earth is born with imperfections and issues and that’s part of life.
Don’t think you deserve less because a very small part of your pancreas doesn’t function.

Only the dead are perfect, and that’s because our memory allows that in order for us to get past the grief.

You deserve it all. To be loved, accepted, and respected. You deserve to reach your dreams, instead of worrying so much about your health and what the future holds, that you actually hold yourself back in the present.

Look to all the positives your diabetes has given instead of just the negatives.

Would you truly be such an empathetic, funny, intuitive person had diabetes not entered your life?

To that gangly 8-year with the face full of freckles: You don’t have to be so brave about it all. It’s OK to cry in front of your family regarding your diagnoses. Your family is scared and sad too.

Continue to look to the funny as way to handle your diagnoses. You’ll be tempted to rebel and embrace the angry side of things. Don’t. It wastes energy, confidence, and precious time that you’ll never get back.

Your first Endo Dr. Baker was right, “you’re only hurting yourself if you don't tell the truth.”

Adolescent Kel: I know your parents drive your crazy, especially about your diabetes.
Please keep in mind that they are suffering and stressing themselves. But because they love you, they aren’t going to show you how horrible your diabetes makes THEM feel!
Now, they might need some persuading to let you do a few things (like wear contacts) but they really let you do so much more than they really were every comfortable with.They’ve let you go on sleepovers; they’ve sent you to camp, allowed you to dance and perform on stage, and always had orange juice waiting in the wings. They let you work and earn spending money. As a child, they never let you wallow in anything even resembling diabetes self pity. They didn’t let anyone else to allow you to wallow in it either.

They prepared you to be an independent adult. Some day, you will appreciate it more than you ever thought possible.

There will come a time in your life when you’ll realize all they did with the knowledge that was available to them, which at the time – wasn’t much. You will be thankful.

I know you're scared about what's happening to your sister Debbie. I also know your really angry. That’s OK.
Please talk to someone.

Speak up when someone hurts you, instead of being stoic. Stoic is for the birds. Taking in all that hurt and anger only hurts you in the long run, no one else.

To quote Don Henley (whom you will have a major crush on in your teens) said it best. “Carrying all that anger, will just eat you up inside.”

Kelly, this is a hard one. Forgive and move on. Let things and people go who have hurt you, no matter how difficult it might be. Remove the weight of sadness from around neck and surround yourself with those who not just embrace you, but who embrace positivity as well. You will learn so many wonderful lessons from them!

Don’t fight diabetes, OWN IT. Because the minute you start to accept your diabetes, you will find that many of the issues that you struggle with regarding diabetes, will fall to the side as you begin to become empowered by ownership of your disease.

What you will be left with is a feeling of control regarding not just your disease, but also your life.

Forget what’s popular with masses and go with what your heart knows is right.

Teen Kelly: Remember that those kids who made fun of you because of your diabetes and those horrible glasses you had to wear, might have been picked on for reasons that in actuality, had absolutely nothing to do with you or your diabetes.
Most likely their parents didn’t understand the whole diabetes thing and children learn from their parents.
Maybe (and just as likely,) they had problems at home much greater than your 14 year old self ever imagined. Problems that were even bigger than your diabetes.
Problems like parents divorcing; eating disorders, sickness in their own families, and struggles within themselves that they shared with no one. Perhaps they suffered from such a poor self-image that picking on your visible imperfections helped them to ignore their own.

Instead of thinking that they might be right, know that they are wrong and are unhappy.
Ignore them and focus on the positive.

And stop wanting a nose job for god sakes! TRUST ME, you’ll grow into your nose and be grateful that you're not one of those poor people walking around with a minuscule nose on large featured face.


Kelly At 16: When someone compliments you, look them straight in the eye & with a smile on your face and say “Thank-you.” And regardless of whether you think you deserve or not.
A compliment is two fold. Yes, it’s given to make the receiver feel good, but it also makes the person giving the compliment feel good.
So don’t diminish or belittle a person's attempt to be nice and confident by brushing it aside and being embarrassed by the kind words said on your behalf.

And remember those compliments, they will get you through the self-doubt.

Listen, I know you don’t want to hear this, but shoulder pads and helmet hair are indeed a "Glamour Don’t," regardless of what Teen Magazine says.

And yes, your mom and was right - Bangs are not your best look, and iridescent lipstick might work for some, but is just makes you look sick.

Kelly at 20: You will be so happy you started with the whole 30 & 50 sunscreen thing, and your 7 year skin plan – TRUST ME. And FYI, the tan goddess bitch who called you "Casper' when you were dating her ex boyfriend – her face looks like a Catcher's mitt now.

Don’t try so hard to prove how normal you are “in spite” of being a person with diabetes.
You will realize that what’s normal for some, is completely abnormal for others, and that’s ok. What I’m trying to say is, your normal is different that someone else’s, and your normal works for you. So run with it!


Kelly in your 20’s: Embrace ALL of who you are.
Go after your dreams, instead of listening to what others think you should do or be.

22 year old Kelly: Remember to tell those you love, that you do indeed love them, no matter how much they might drive you crazy. The people you love won’t be around forever. And trust me, you will miss them terribly when they’re gone.

Kelly, good call regarding your parents. You will be incredibly grateful that you started to say “I love you” every time you said goodbye. They learned to say it back, and they began to say it first, and often. Soon, it flowed more freely than beer at a bbq - and all of you will know how deep the love really was, and is.

To 27 yr old Kelly: You are NOT fat, and no, you're not rail thin. But your parents were right, you are beautiful, inside and out! Please see that instead of only the imperfections.

I know that you're scared that history will repeat itself - it will not.
You're doing what you have to do, so put whatever mistakes you made with your diabetes in the past, and learn from them. It will not only lead you to good health – but to a wonderful world regarding the diabetes community. I world that you’ve tried to shut out instead of embracing for a very long time.

Let your guilt go regarding Debbie. You did the best you could.

To 33-year-old Kelly: Someone who has no love or self- respect for them self, will never have any for you – no matter what they say. If they don’t love, like, and respect who they are, they can’t love, like, & respect you.

Don’t surround yourself with people who won’t do the work on themselves, they’ll only blame you for what they lack from within.

Kelly in real time: Remember too keep loving yourself – all parts of you - even the parts that don't work.

Hold your head up, continue to learn, continue to laugh, and most definitely continue to love.
You are older and wiser. Life has been full of changes, and going with the flow gets a bit tricky at times, but you are lucky to be in the world, and the world is lucky to have you.

And lastly: You are MAGNIFICENT - And never forget that! 
Xoxo
Kelly In The Present~

Diabetes Memory #76,511: The One With My Dad, Vet Stadium & The Greg Luzinski Batting Glove

I'm late to post on Day 3 of Diabetes Blog Week , but I'm posting none the less. Day 3 is all about diabetes memories. Mine is about baseball and my dad and I will never forget that day. 

To read more diabetes memories, click HERE to checkout the the awesome links that others have written.

Also, follow the hashtag #Dblogweek on twitter!

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Yep, that's the glove - I still have it, and it still fits. And I still remember what we endured to get that glove.
Also, I have freakishly small hands. 

It was Greg Luzinski Batting Glove Day at Vet Stadium and I was excited.  It was a lunchtime game and I was in 3rd grade and It was just me and my dad, one on one, no one else. 
We were waiting in line to get inside the vet, surrender our Philadelphia Phillies tickets so I could get my official Greg Luzinski batting glove & we could go watch the game. 
Luzinski was  left handed just like me - And that made the day even more exiting. 
Mike Schmidt was actually my favorite Phillie, but Tug McGraw and Greg "The Bull" Luzinski were my next faves so it was really a win-win situation.

We were carrying My “UP AND DOWN, THIS WAY AND THAT WAY,” red book bag. The book bag  literally had the phrase UP AND DOWN / THIS WAY AND THAT WAY written on it in white letters) and I’d carried my school books in it for most of second grade. Inside that bag contained two freezer packs (my mom called them freezettes) wrapped in tinfoil - because apparently tinfoil helped keep the freezerpacks cold, at least way back when, two turkey sandwiches, two sliced oranges and two diet sodas.

Food at the Vet wasn’t diabetes friendly - And we knew that going in, so we brought our own. 
Plus, back in the diabetes days known as the Dark Ages, the D diet was incredibly restrictive and inflexible - and I was still in the "honeymoon phase," of life with D and my pancreas would occasionally sputter out some insulin every now and then.  So yeah,  it was just easier for us to bring our own food - And cheaper. 

We handed the security guard our tickets and he handed my dad back the stubs and then handed me my official Greg Luzinski batting glove. I WAS STOKED - And for a brief second I couldn’t stop smiling. 

And then the security guard told my father that he couldn’t bring  my “UP AND DOWN, THIS WAY AND THAT,” book-bag filled with food into the stadium. 

My dad explained that this my first Phillies game and that I had diabetes and so did he, and that we had to eat special food. But the security guard refused to listen (and I think he told my dad I was too young to have diabetes) and then he told us we were banned from entering the stadium with our food -  And then he snatched my official Greg Luzinski batting glove from my hands and called my father a liar. 

I burst into tears and my dad in the security guy kept screaming at one another - And the next thing I know,  my 58 year old dad and the security guy were rolling down on the ground  and fighting - And I stood there like a crying deer in the headlights. 

I started crying even louder and people stopped what they were doing and watched. And I remember being so scared and afraid and feeling so helpless. 

And I remember hearing some lady saying: Poor kid - imagine having your father fight in front of you - TERRIBLE. 

And that's when I really lost it and got right up in her face and started screaming: I HAVE DIABETES AND MY DAD HAS DIABETES AND WE AREN’T ALLOWED TO EAT THE FOOD HERE!!!!! IT’S NOT MY DAD’S FAULT, LEAVE HIM ALONE, LEAVE MY DAD ALONE, WE HAVE DIABETES!!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!! 

Finally, the head of security showed up and stopped the fight and my dad explained that I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and that I wasn’t allowed to eat stadium food - And neither was he. 

And then someone gave me back my official Greg Luzinski batting glove and we were allowed to take our seats. 

But I don’t remember much of the game - I think the Phillies won 11- 4, but I could be wrong. 

I do remember holding on to my dad’s hand really tight and I remember him doing the same - And he wasn't big on hand holding for extended periods of time, but he was that day.. 

And I still have my Greg Luzinski batting glove all these years later - And it still fits. 

And I still think about that day and my dad, every time I see it. 

Diabetes Memory #3,658,989: The One Where My New Therapist Totally Freaks Me Out - But In A Good Way~

Stories can conquer fear, you know. They can make the heart bigger.
Ben Okri 

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. 
For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward. 
Henry Ford 

So here's what happened after I posted my 2013 Goals/ Improvements & went to my first appointment with a therapist to talk about grief... And other stuff.  

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I picked up the phone and dialed the number my friend had given me over a year ago and a man with a laid back voice picked up & said: Hello, Dr. E. 

Me: Hi Dr. E, my name’s Kelly I’d like to make an appointment with you. 

Dr. E:  Hi Kelly. Why are you interested in making an appointment with me? 

Me: Well, I lost my mom last year and it’s caught up to me - And there's a good chance some other stuff has, too.

Dr. E:  OK, I have 5 p.m. cancellation tomorrow. Does that work for you? 

Me: I’ll take it - Do you need the rest of my info, like my last name, address and insurance info?

Dr. E:  Don’t worry about all that, I’ll get all your info tomorrow when you fill out your New Patient paperwork. 

Right now I just need your cell number.  

So I gave him my number and he gave me directions to his office. 

Cut to the next day at 4:45 pm, I was parked in front of his office and I was nervous, but very much wanting to walk in the door and get started. 

So I walked in and 5 minutes later I filling out my paperwork and meeting Dr. D. 

He read my paperwork and asked me how to pronounce my last name.  

I told him how to pronounce KUINK and that when in doubt, he just needed to make pretend the first K was a Q.  He smiled and said: Oh, that actually makes sense.

And then we started talking about what we both hoped to get from our sessions together. 

I told him I wanted to get past my grief and all the change I’d recently been through and get on a course for the life I want - And he wanted to help me do all of the above and whatever else we came up with in the process. 

Then we started to talk about my life and work and how crazy the past 15 months had been with losing my mom; being one of her executors, and selling her house, distributing her possessions and moving. 

He mentioned that grief comes in waves and sometimes those waves are bigger than others. 
We talked about my family and he asked me how many siblings I had and where I fell in the family lineup. 

So I told him I was the youngest of six and then I brought up diabetes and my family’s history of diabetes. 

He asked me how long I’d had diabetes and how grief can come from all types of loss, including the loss of a fully functioning pancreas. 

And then the blog came up. 

And that’s where things got a little weird - but in a good way. 

Dr. E told me that he’d actually read several diabetes blogs because a former patient from a few years back, a14 year old girl with Type 1 Diabetes, who’d had a lot of trouble dealing with her diabetes. So Dr. E had googled female diabetes bloggers and starting reading and printing up posts for her. 

Dr. E: I liked reading them... Some of them were really funny, all of them where really informative. What’s your blog called again?? 

Me: Diabetesaliciousness. 

Dr. E: Diabetesaliciousness, diabetesalicious.... Yeah, I know your blog. I actually read your blog. 

I printed out your blog posts - It’s very good. Kelly you had some funny stuff... And some posts that were just the opposite. 

Me: Whaaaaaaaaat? And I was so freaked out that I immediately cracked a joke and said: Oh, so you were the one reading it! 

But all jokes aside Dr, E, are you kidding me?

Dr. E:  No I’m not, your blog has a light green background, right? Seriously, keep on blogging, Kelly.
Me. Ok, this is totally awkward. How’s your patient doing?? 

Dr. E. I don’t know, she stopped seeing me last year. But she was doing better so that’s why she stopped coming. 

Me: Oh, OK. So that’s good, right? 

Dr. E:  Right.

Me: This world is freakishly small. 

And then I shook my head in disbelief and immediately changed the subject. 

As I was driving home afterwards, I kept thinking about how he'd actually read what I wrote a few years back and my mind was blown! 

I hadn’t given him my last name when I scheduled the appointment so it’s not like he googled me. I don't know if he knows Dr. Foot, but he didn't mention Dr. Foot, so who knows. And he didn’t seem like he was full of crap - he seemed like a really good guy. 

It just proved to me (yet again,) that the world we live in is smaller than we realize and that more and more doctors are reaching out to the patient blogoshere to help their patients help themselves when it comes too the day to day living with a chronic illness/disease. 

Anyway. I saw Dr. E again this week and he wanted to know more about me. 

He told me that he “really needed to get to know me” and asked me more detailed questions about my siblings; my parents, school, if I remembered my diabetes diagnoses, If I'd ever been in love, etc. 

Then he pointed out that I liked to crack jokes when the subject turned serious.

Dr. E: At your next appointment you’re going to talk to me about your mom.  

And as soon as he said it, I felt my eyes start to burn and a familiar catch in my throat and I had a feeling that my face was starting to turn red. But I took a deep breath and said, OK. 

So we scheduled our next appointment, shook hands and said goodbye. 

Appointment number 3 is scheduled and even though I’m nervous about what’s going to happen when I talk about my mom no holds barred, I’m really glad I’m doing this.