Thursday, January 17, 2013

Diabetes Memory #3,658,989: The One Where My New Therapist Totally Freaks Me Out - But In A Good Way~

Stories can conquer fear, you know. They can make the heart bigger.
Ben Okri 

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. 
For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward. 
Henry Ford 

So here's what happened after I posted my 2013 Goals/ Improvements & went to my first appointment with a therapist to talk about grief... And other stuff.  

I picked up the phone and dialed the number my friend had given me over a year ago and a man with a laid back voice picked up & said: Hello, Dr. E. 
Me: Hi Dr. E, my name’s Kelly I’d like to make an appointment with you. 
Dr. E:  Hi Kelly. Why are you interested in making an appointment with me? 
Me: Well, I lost my mom last year and it’s caught up to me - And there's a good chance some other stuff has, too.
Dr. E:  OK, I have 5 p.m. cancellation tomorrow. Does that work for you? 
Me: I’ll take it - Do you need the rest of my info, like my last name, address and insurance info?
Dr. E:  Don’t worry about all that, I’ll get all your info tomorrow when you fill out your New Patient paperwork. 
Right now I just need your cell number.  
So I gave him my number and he gave me directions to his office. 

Cut to the next day at 4:45 pm, I was parked in front of his office and I was nervous, but very much wanting to walk in the door and get started. 
So I walked in and 5 minutes later I filling out my paperwork and meeting Dr. D. 
He read my paperwork and asked me how to pronounce my last name.  
I told him how to pronounce KUINK and that when in doubt, he just needed to make pretend the first K was a Q.  He smiled and said: Oh, that actually makes sense.

And then we started talking about what we both hoped to get from our sessions together. 

I told him I wanted to get past my grief and all the change I’d recently been through and get on a course for the life I want - And he wanted to help me do all of the above and whatever else we came up with in the process. 

Then we started to talk about my life and work and how crazy the past 15 months had been with losing my mom; being one of her executors, and selling her house, distributing her possessions and moving. 
He mentioned that grief comes in waves and sometimes those waves are bigger than others. 
We talked about my family and he asked me how many siblings I had and where I fell in the family lineup. 
So I told him I was the youngest of six and then I brought up diabetes and my family’s history of diabetes. 
He asked me how long I’d had diabetes and how grief can come from all types of loss, including the loss of a fully functioning pancreas. 

And then the blog came up. 

And that’s where things got a little weird - but in a good way. 
Dr. E told me that he’d actually read several diabetes blogs because a former patient from a few years back, a14 year old girl with Type 1 Diabetes, who’d had a lot of trouble dealing with her diabetes. So Dr. E had googled female diabetes bloggers and starting reading and printing up posts for her. 
Dr. E: I liked reading them... Some of them were really funny, all of them where really informative. What’s your blog called again?? 
Me: Diabetesaliciousness. 
Dr. E: Diabetesaliciousness, diabetesalicious.... Yeah, I know your blog. I actually read your blog. 
I printed out your blog posts - It’s very good. Kelly you had some funny stuff... And some posts that were just the opposite. 
Me: Whaaaaaaaaat? And I was so freaked out that I immediately cracked a joke and said: Oh, so you were the one reading it! 
But all jokes aside Dr, E, are you kidding me?
Dr. E:  No I’m not, your blog has a light green background, right? Seriously, keep on blogging, Kelly.
Me. Ok, this is totally awkward. How’s your patient doing?? 
Dr. E. I don’t know, she stopped seeing me last year. But she was doing better so that’s why she stopped coming. 
Me: Oh, OK. So that’s good, right? 
Dr. E:  Right.
Me: This world is freakishly small. 
And then I shook my head in disbelief and immediately changed the subject. 

As I was driving home afterwards, I kept thinking about how he'd actually read what I wrote a few years back and my mind was blown! 

I hadn’t given him my last name when I scheduled the appointment so it’s not like he googled me. I don't know if he knows Dr. Foot, but he didn't mention Dr. Foot, so who knows. And he didn’t seem like he was full of crap - he seemed like a really good guy. 

It just proved to me (yet again,) that the world we live in is smaller than we realize and that more and more doctors are reaching out to the patient blogoshere to help their patients help themselves when it comes too the day to day living with a chronic illness/disease. 

Anyway. I saw Dr. E again this week and he wanted to know more about me. 
He told me that he “really needed to get to know me” and asked me more detailed questions about my siblings; my parents, school, if I remembered my diabetes diagnoses, If I'd ever been in love, etc. 
Then he pointed out that I liked to crack jokes when the subject turned serious.

Dr. E: At your next appointment you’re going to talk to me about your mom.  
And as soon as he said it, I felt my eyes start to burn and a familiar catch in my throat and I had a feeling that my face was starting to turn red. But I took a deep breath and said, OK. 

So we scheduled our next appointment, shook hands and said goodbye. 

Appointment number 3 is scheduled and even though I’m nervous about what’s going to happen when I talk about my mom no holds barred, I’m really glad I’m doing this. 


Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

The world isn't that small. You're just GOOD :-D

Glad you've found help :)

Scott Strange said...

That's awesome, Kelly!

Mike Hoskins said...

Kelly, congrats for recognizing and stepping up to get the help you need. I commend you. That's totally crazy about Dr. E having had read your blog... you're right: Awesome, and proof of how small this online-savvy world really is. Hope the future appointments go OK for you, especially as you talk more about your mom. Best your way, my friend.

Colleen said...

Sounds like he's good.

Tammy said...

Therapy is difficult, but brings about such good things. Good for you!

Kelly said...

Small world for sure! How cool is that :) Crazy how the word "Mom" carries such emotion hugh? I'm right there with you. (Hugs) You may cry some next week, but I betcha the release of pent up emotions will be a weight off your conscience, mind and spirit....

shannon said...

that is a super crazy story! sounds like you've got a good doctor on your side. best of luck in your future visits.

Scully said...

Well your blog is one of the first I ever found and started following :)

you're a super-star!

I'm glad to hear things are going well. therapy isn't an easy thing to do.

Scott E said...

I'm really glad you're doing this too. And that you're giving us a peek into what happens during these sessions (though you, of course, can stop telling us at any time). Talking to Dr. E sounds.... comforting (even with the awkwardness). Not overly intimidating, as I always thought talking to a therapist would be.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Wow, Kelly! That's pretty cool.

And I'm glad you're pushing yourself to talk with him - I think it will be good for you.

Jess said...

I know how terrifying it can be to find and talk to a therapist. But I also know how much it's helped me. Hope you find it valuable as well.

Proud of you!