This Week My Diabetes Has Been Batshit Crazy.

My diabetes this week.
Image courtesy of Design By Humans.

This Week My Diabetes Has Been Batshit Crazy - and I'm owning it. 

Cut to Monday morning (which was my scheduled site change day,) when I woke up at 5:17 AM, with a fuzzy mouth and blood sugar of 336. I believe the words “FUCK ME,” were uttered multiple times. 

Omnipod site had gone bad in the middle of the night and I slept through Dexcom’s high blood sugar alarm. 

I’d had 24 units left in my pod before I went to bed on Sunday night, with15 hours left before it was empty. Shit happens and I know that. Yet I'm mad at myself for the site crapping out and not changing it out the night before. But all signs pointed to me not having to. Shit happens. Accept and move on. 

Speaking of.. I felt like shit. Downed a huge glass of water, calculated and administered a correction injection, and changed out my site.

5:20 AM 

New pod’s occlusion alarm goes off and I have to change it out. 

Once again I utter “FUCK ME,” followed by “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” 

Now I’m BOTH pissed and annoyed.

5:26 AM 

Second new pod site of the day goes in. I set my alarm an go back to sleep

7:30 AM

I wake up and my bg is 289. I think to myself that it should be lower, give myself a correction bolus and sent a 3 hour increased temp basal rate of 45%.

9:20 AM  

Bg is 240. I AM NOT AMUSED. A correction bolus of 1.05 units is given. 

10:45 AM

Bg is 266 and going in the wrong direction. I make the decision to deactivate the pod. 

3rd new pod put in.

Temp basal rate of 60% for 3 hours set. Bg slowly starts going down. 

Small ketones, massive amounts of water consumed. 

I'd scheduled take Monday afternoon off last week, so I answered emails plowed through, and hoped things would kilter out by 1:30 pm. 

1:30 PM 

Meet a friend for lunch. Bg is 210 and I’m like: Hey OK, things are getting back to normal. Except they weren’t. 

I have mahi-mahi fish tacos or lunch. They are delicious and I bolus generously.

3:13 PM  

Blood sugar is 260 and my head hurts. Correction bolus 0.80 given. 

Temp Basal increased by 45% and for three hours, and I down more water. 

My friend asks if I want to get a pedicure. I do, I really do.  

But I decline. I don’t feel good. 

5:09 PM  

Bg is 323. Temp basal rate is increased and set to 60%. 

Correction bolus of 2.25 given.

I drink 20 ounces of water, set the alarm on my phone and take a nap because I am exhausted

6:51 PM 

Bg is 281, with a correction bolus of 0.45 units. No way I’m eating dinner. 

Trace amount of ketones detected, more water consumed. 

8:22 PM  

Blood sugar of 215, with a 0.30 correction bolus. I still feel crappy and watch Brokenwood Mysteries on Acorn TV. Started watching over the weekend and it’s pretty good with a great musical soundtrack. If you haven't already, tune in.

I also check PeriodTracker and confirm that I am ovulating - which normally causes elevated numbers for a few days - but not even close to this current batshit craziness. 

9:13 PM 

Bg 198, 0.85 correction unit given. Drink club soda with a splash of juice and a few crackers because I have 3.3 units of insulin on board and the arrow on my Dex is pointing in a south east direction. 

Speaking of arrows, my graph looks like… well I don’t know what the hell it looks like, but doesn’t look good. 

12 AM Tuesday morning: Blood sugars have evened out and now in the 120s. 

The insulin tally for Tuesday - 71 units of insulin. I normally average somewhere between 39 and 47 units per 24 hour period. 

I turn off the temp basal rate, eat a few more crackers and officially have zero fucks left to give, and head to bed. 

7 AM Tuesday morning: Wake up with a glucose of 240. 

Whatever the hell is going on with my body -  be it hormones, fighting off a cold or allergies, or just because it’s freaking Tuesday - my body requires a higher temp basal rate and more insulin.

Numbers hover between 180 and 215 all day and my 24-hour old site (my leg,) starts to hurt after dinner. 

I don’t want to change it out - but in my heart I know it’s crossed over and become a zombie infusion site. 

10:42 PM Tuesday Night: Change out site and numbers immediately start to depart zombie land. I stay up late to make sure every thing is stable re: my numbers and watch the final episode of Brokenwood, season 5. Bummed it was the final episode and looking forward to season six. 

As of today (Thursday,) I’m still running a temp basal rate that’s increased by 15%. 

Not sweating it, though. My numbers are on the decent side of normal and I know for whatever reasons, my body needs the increased basal rates right now.

I know this to shall pass and I have too much adulting to do to pinpoint the why(s).  

Stuff: Blogging, Exercising, May Is National Mental Health Month, CGMing, GoT

Yep, it's been a while since I've posted. 
My excuses: Things have been slightly crazy, I needed to regroup, one week of not blogging quickly turned into multiple and  accompanied by a wicked case of "what the hell do I write about/didn't I already write about that a million times already?! 
Because after blogging for almost 12 years about life with diabetes - sometimes I'm afraid "I've said and or written about that already." But you know what? Everyone who blogs about diabetes feels that way from time to time - and that's OK. 

After taking a short sabbatical - I'm back writing on the blog about my life and my life with diabetes! 

What's New? 
Lots: I've started exercising and thank God because I'm out of practice and I absolutely think better when I'm moving. 

Work has been active - lots of stuff going on and on the horizon  - I am both glad and thankful. 

It's May, which means it's National Mental Health Month. With that being said, I started seeing a therapist in March - because while I was going through the motions of my life, 
I was missing Olivia terribly at the end of the day and I was sad. 
I'm sharing because talking to someone is helping me deal with the trauma of losing my niece Olivia in January - and it's making me stronger in all areas of my life. 
If you're dealing with any form of stress, anxiety, or trauma - including diabetes burnout or grief - go talk to and with a professional.
Seriously - talk with someone - you are worth it! 

Is That  A CGM On Your Arm... Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? 
The answer is BOTH. 
I LOVE seeing you - you look great! And and yeah... I started wearing a CGM (Dexcom G6) in March because my Dr. and I need to make tweaks - I've committed to wearing it for at least 3 months. 
I was supposed to start in January, but Livy passed and I didn't feel like dealing with the learning curve while heading out west for her funeral. February I was bogged with assignments and starting on the Dex was pushed back into March.  

Initial Observations
Graphs have the potential to make you effing crazy!
I believe that people must be trained  on the anxiety that watching your graph can cause. Knowledge is great  - but so is realizing that when you/your loved one eat... or have a cold... are stressed... or just because it's Tuesday, your graph can and will go up. 

Also and I kid you not, we need to step away from the graph after a correction bolus. 
I knew all of the above before wearing a CGM  - and I was still looking at it way to much in the beginning!

CGM alarms are wicked loud.

Compression Low bgs are a thing - As in your CGM Low alarm goes off and reads 59, and you just ate lunch 40 minutes ago and you feel absolutely fine, do a fingerstick check. 
Because Compression Lows (unknowingly pushing against the sensor or sleeping/leaning on it can cause it to read low (at least according to my multiple friends and my CDE,) are real and they happen. Of course I learned about Compression Lows  after treating for said 59 low that really wasn't. HELLO 200! 

On the flip side - I barely felt a 53 low a few days ago that caused my alarm to go off.... at least until I did. It was real and I knew it! 

I'm more mindful of grazing since slapping on a CGM. That's a good thing. 

It's interesting to see how quickly certain foods impact your blood sugar via a graph.
It's equally as interesting and annoying to see how some foods seem to flat arrow for an hour or two and then spike towards the sky for a good three or four hours.
Ahhhh.... Good times..... good times. 

My graph was elevated the week before my period - I always knew this to be true - seeing it on a graph was trippy. 

Watching Game of Thrones absolutely impacts my blood sugars! 
Or at least I'm blaming GoT... and the Show Runners and Writers of GoT.
During last night's finale my bgs were running low. 
The previous weeks, not so much - especially when that ass of a Night King and his army hit Winterfell - I was topping 306 by the time that episode ended! 

Graph during the battle of Winterfell and dinner was not crazy high in carbs.
Also: Changed out my Omnipod site the next day (as in 1 day early,) b/c it was getting skunky.
So yeah, site starting to crap out might have had something to do with my elevated graph.
Whatever, I blame the Night King!

Graph during GoT finale.
I might have over bolused for my big tuna salad.
But the sucky writing certainly didn't help!
Also: Why'd you all demonize Dani and where the hell is my dragon!! 

Speaking of blood sugars - you ABSOLUTELY need to check your blood sugars via finger-sticks while wearing a CGM. Certainly not as much .... most of the time. 
My previous sensor required 8 calibration checks in one day before it started syncing - and that required massive amounts of self restraint because I wanted to rip out my sensor and start a new one... but I didn't and being things worked out.
My current sensor was within range on the first (and second) calibration. 
Depending on the day, how my numbers are running, physical activity, and how old my Omnipod site is - my amount of finger-sticks per day varies. 

Bottom line: My pancreas is stone cold busted - I need to make sure whatever robot diabetes part I'm wearing is reading correctly and that requires finger-stick checks~  

So that's all for now. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 

Hello 2019 And How The Hell Is It Already Friday?!

I’m not sharing all my goals for 2019 - at least not right away ;) 

#### 

First - HAPPY 2019! 

It’s been a hard week getting back into the swing of things. 

I’m still on holiday time  - meaning I’m still having difficulty getting to bed at a decent time and I’m thoroughly shocked that it’s Friday. Seriously, how the hell did that happen because it feels like freaking Tuesday?  

I can relate. 
image via the interwebz. 

And of course, getting back to normal food and blood sugars - but I’m doing it. 

And instead of New Years resolutions, I have goals. 

For starters - I want to go up a few levels in certain areas of my life and have my a1c go down a few notches. I want to exercise my body and brain more - which means writing more. 

I want to embrace change, doing what I fear first and with gusto.

And like everyone else, drop some pounds (10 lbs by May,) and get back to eating healthy after the holidays. 

The last one has been easy - mostly because I normally eat healthy and I actually really like eating healthy. Also, I’ve reached my wall of Enough, when it comes to big dinners and Christmas cookies multiple times a day. OK, that last part was only the last two weeks of December :)  

I’m craving healthy meals - I’ve been snacking on veggies for the past few weeks and more so than usual. Organic Rainbow Carrots have become a staples in my house for almost a year. 

Also: Give them a try because they are fabulous! 

And btw, I’m not the only one who thinks they are fab - so does Time Mag. 

And I believe the same thing will happen with mini Persian Cucumbers - which have less seeds and more flavor and crunch - also they are hydrating.  Also since November I’ve been digging Green Giant’s riced veggies.

All of the above make it easier to eat healthy - but more on veggies and healthy eating in another post. 

Embracing Change: After my last a1c, I had a talk with my Endo and agreed give Dexcom a try - and I’ll be starting on it soon - like very soon. 

I have mixed feelings about it - being attached to something else - sharing my info with loved ones … or not, embracing something different.  

But my Dr. and I agreed that Dex doesn’t have to be a full time and or permanent thing. 

We need to work on getting my a1c in a better spot and he feels dexcom will help us  troubleshoot. So I'm trying it for 3 months and taking it from there - and I will share my experience with you guys. 

And I will also ask your for advice an support because you guys ROCK - so thanks in advance!

Murphy's Law All Tricked Out, Diabetes Style - Had Worn Me Out

Diabetes requires the patience of a saint, and the tenacity and persistence of a woman speaking on the floor of the Senate. 

######

This weekend a series of diabetes related events occurred that annoyed the crap out of me.

On Friday afternoon my new (as in two hours old,) omnipod’s Occlusion Alarm went off while I was out to lunch. 

Lucky for me: 

1. I was eating a low carb lunch of eggs and sausage
2. I had a spare pod in my bag. 
3. I siphoned out the insulin from the faulty pod and injected it into my spare. And yes, I know you’re not supposed to do that, but the insulin had only been in the faulty pod for two hours and I wasn’t wasting it!

At this point, my bg was 320 and it took a few hours to go down. 

I had a high blood sugar headache, did an injection correction when I walked in the door, and drank copious amounts of water. Finally, what went up did indeed go down. 

And I was effing glad it was Friday. 

Over the weekend my nose was all sorts of stuffed up and my throat was scratchy. 

 My bgs were slightly elevated and on Saturday I ran a temp basal rate of !0%, which helped keep my numbers in check. I was run down,  I knew it, and did my best to stop the sick in its tracks. 

I stuck around the house all weekend and practiced self care - I ate healthy, slept late, and drank lots of water. 

On Sunday morning I was feeling better, put in a new pod on my arm - so far so good. 

Then a few hours later I went to my local Starbucks, where upon exiting my car, I smacked my bottom lip hard with my driver side door because my depth perception clearly sucks and now my bottom lip is all fat and bruised - and not in anyway, phat. 
But back to Starbucks. Right after I ordered my decaf cappuccino, and exactly 2 hours and 20 minutes after I ate lunch and out of the blue - my bg dropped to 58. So yeah, GOOD TIMES. 

Cut to last night I decided to deep condition my hair with sesame oil (not the cooking kind,) and head to bed early. 

If you’ve ever conditioned your hair with sesame or any other oil, you know it’s not pretty. 

Your hair is slicked with oil and I was glad no-one could see me in all my greasy glory. 

But I digress. 

Right before bed, I noticed that my Omnipod PDM’s power bar was at half-mast. 

And I was like: No big deal, I’ll put in new batteries. I ALWAYS HAVE EXTRA PUMP BATTERIES. 

Except this time when I looked in the desk drawer I keep batteries in - there were no AAA batteries to be found. 

I told myself that they were probably in my toiletry case. 

I’d gone away on Thanksgiving and I remembered tossing an unopened four-pack of pump batteries in there. I opened up my toiletry bag and found everything but the 4-pack of AAA batteries. 

Then I looked in my backpack, leather work bag, and two different handbags I’d recently used. 

NOPE.

I looked in my kitchen junk drawer and under my couch for that freaking 4-pack of AAA batteries. NADA. 

I took a deep breath, switched out my PJ’s for jeans and a sweater; covered my sesame oil-slicked head with and old ski hat, put on lip gloss, grabbed my keys and headed outside. 

I jumped in my car and drove to my local Rite-Aid - which had always been opened 24 hours. 

Unfortunately when I arrived I learned that that was no longer the case. Rite-Aid was closed.

There was a WAWA close by and I headed there. 

Sidebar: For those of you who don’t live in the Philadelphia, New Jersey, Delaware, and parts of Florida and DC, WAWA is awesome. 

But WAWA was not any shade of awesome this time -  as in my local WAWA doesn’t carry batteries. 

WTF, WAWA?! 

And that would be when a very kind and observant WAWA worker saw that the look on my face when I asked her about batteries, and told me that there was a new 24-hour Rite-Aid less than 5 miles away. 

I thanked her and was happy I didn’t have to drive 10 miles to the closest all night CVS. 

10 minutes later I pulled in the parking lot and purchased an 8 pack of AAA batteries. 

18 minutes later I was home. 

New batteries in my Omnipod PDM, 2 spares in my diabetes bag, and the rest placed gingerly in the desk drawer where I keep spare batteries and other such necessities. 

Murphy's Law, all tricked out and diabetes style had worn me out - and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep. 

Dinner And A Diabetes Hypothetical ~

One of my closest friends in the world and I had dinner the other night. 

We talked about all sorts of things - Our lives; the shit show that is American politics, stupid people, and the complexities of the the endocrine system — including my diabetes.

My Friend: So hypothetically speaking and in an alternative universe/perfect world, if you were to eat the exact same food, the exact same amount of food, at the same time each day and do the same activity two days in a row, and not factoring in hormones, stress, etc.,  because alternative/perfect universe, your blood sugars should be the same two days in a row… right? 

Me: Hypothetically speaking, if the queen had balls she’d be king. 

And yes, “hypotherically speaking and in an alternative universe/perfect world," if I were to eat the same food, and the exact amount of said food, at the same time of day, and did the same amount of activity two day in a row. And not factoring in hormones; stress, hydration, heat, cold, the common cold, the alignment of the planets, which way the wind is blowing, tide charts and a boatload of other variables, because alternative universe/perfect world - my blood sugars should be the same - or at least in the same ballpark as they were the day before. 

But that’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this (and by THIS, of course I mean diabetes), works. Because diabetes is never the same disease two days in a row and as we know, diabetes is a fickle bitch. 

My Friend: And because that would be too fucking easy. 

Me: EXACTLY. Also, in an alternative universe/perfect world - I would have a perfectly functioning pancreas and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

My Friend: True. But we'd still be drinking Prosecco.

Me: YOU KNOW IT. 

ALSO: Is it any wonder that we’re friends? 

Diabetes: A Bitch Low Blood Sugar - And Waiting It Out At The Deli

I stood at the convince store/deli counter, clutching it with one hand and holding/downing a Nantucket Nectar Lemonade with the other. 

I'm sweaty and it feels like my whole body is shaking  — but I'm not sure.

I need to focus on drinking the lemonade and staying calm, so I do. 

The bitchlow had come out of nowhere  — and I was dropping fast. I’d been walking on the main street of my town when I broke out into a cold sweat — and right near the deli.

The register was on the other end of the circular counter and the woman behind the register watched me. 

I struggled to find my words and finally said: I’m sorry, but my blood sugar is low, I need to drink this now.

I was out of breath and as I spoke and my words didn’t tumble out of my mouth — my speech cadence was slower than normal and my mouth was numb. 

The woman walked over to where I was standing and said: It’s OK, I have diabetes, I know exactly how you feel. Sit at a table and pay me when you feel better — and let me know if you need food. 

And that’s what I did. 

I sat quietly at a table and watched the clock on the wall as the minutes ticked by. 

I finished three quarters of the bottle and waited until I felt stronger. 

I ran my hands through my hair out of habit and I felt the tears stinging my eyes.

I’ve noticed that when I get a bitch low that stops me in my tracks, I end up fighting back tears. 

My face is pale during the low, but as my blood sugar starts to come up, my eyes start to sting, and I can feel my checks turn red. 

I think part of my tears are due to the fact that I've  fought so hard to stay in control during the low, that an emotional wave of relief floods over me as things start slowly shifting back to normal and my eyes start to swell - and the other part is diabetes and my body's reaction.

And I hate this feeling. 

I hate feeling that if I don’t drink or eat I will crash to the ground. 

I hate that my words are halted and that I feel weak.

I hate that I am on the verge of tears. 

I hate feeling helpless, weak, scared, and determined all rolled into one.

I hate feeling alone. 

But for this particular blood sugar, I am incredibly grateful that I have a place to wait it out — and a person who watching from the sidelines. 

I glance at my medical ID bracelet and I feel myself calming down. 

I check my blood sugar at the twenty minute mark - I’m 83. 

Even thought the juice was over 60 grams of carbs, I decide to finish the bottle, wait another five minutes and then went up to pay the woman behind the register. 

She looked at me and said: Feel better, honey?? 

 I told her I did and thanked her for letting my pay after things settled down  and for “getting it.” 

She doesn’t want to take the money and I insist she does. 

I say goodbye, walked down the block to my car, get in and sit for a bit. 
Tears are streaming down my face at this point and I'm glad I'm wearing my prescription sunglasses. 

I’m home 10 minutes later and 50 minutes after that I check my blood sugar again. 

I am 116. And at that moment I am glad I drank that whole damn bottle.

And I breathe deep, walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. 

I am a hot fucking mess - and not in the good way.

Mascara running down my eyes, tears stained cheeks, and I look a sad. 

I wash my face, and say THANK-YOU out loud. . 

And I mean it. I am thankful that lows like that don’t happen very often, and I am thankful that I'm OK.

Then I smile at my reflection and forge ahead.... towards the couch. 

Dinner can wait, for now I'm going to chill. 

Spring Travel; Diabetes, High Ketones, Normal Blood Sugars, And The Stomach Bug From Hell

OK-first and foremost  — spring has finally sprung. YAY!

Secondly, sorry for the being MIA the last couple weeks. 

I came home from a work trip on the night of Tuesday, April 24th, with a 101.2 fever, Moderate to Large keynotes, and the stomach virus that has been the plague of spring 2018 for many — and it was horrible. 

It was the longest car ride home of my life and an hour after I walked in the door and 55 minutes I found out I did indeed have Moderate/Large ketones, (literally the color was somewhere between the two on the chart,) I Linda Blaired it, a'la "The Exorcist." 

I immediately felt slightly better and made a deal with myself. 

If my ketones went down to moderate in 80 minutes and I didn’t vomit again, 

I wouldn't call 911.

If either of those things happened, I would. 

I filled up my 24 once water bottle and immediately drank 1/2. 

15 minutes later I finished the other 1/2 and filled up the bottle again. 

I was scared but I was calm  — weirdly and mythodically so. 

I knew what goasl I needed to meet and had made peace with my plan B option. 

Yes, I was scared, but knowing that I had a plan helped me stay calm.

Luckily, 80 minutes later I checked my ketones and they were indeed  moderate, I didn’t vomit again and I downing drinking water. My blood sugars were normal with insulin on board. I drank a little juice and went to bed. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, checked my blood sugar and  keytones ( 109 bg and small to moderate Keytones on the color chart), downed 10 ounces of water and went back to sleep. 

I woke up Wednesday with small ketones, that quickly and thankfully moved Trace, and finally edged to Normal by Wednesday afternoon. My fever kept shrinking until it left me for good on Friday.

Which would be the exact day the whole, not being able to be too far away from the bathroom, thing kicked in with a vengeance. 

I continued surviving on Mixed Fruit flavored gatorade, saltines, and weak black tea because those were literally all I could stomach. 

After 5.5 days,I was finally was able to drink coffee (and leave my house,) Sunday, April 29th. 

The last day of April and the first day of May meant working on deadlines and I flew to Boston on May 2nd. 

Dealing with all of the above reminded me of some important things that I'm going to share with you. 

1. We ALWAYS need to bring Keytone Strips/Keytone Meter and thermometer when we  travel — and even if we're only going away overnight 
2. Why? because you can have normal-ish blood sugars and still have nasty keytones — even if you drink lots of water. And if those sneaky keytones get the upper hand, no good will come of it.

3. You can feel “off,” but because diabetes can be a tricky bitch, your blood sugars might not reflect that. I felt tired and in need of a nap early Monday afternoon - but my blood sugars were stellar and I wrote it off as  travel day fatigue. 

But it was an easy travel day by car. Looking back, feeling that tired was a sign of things to come.

Also: You can feel hot and blame the traveling and hotel air conditioning, but it might actually be a fever. I was walking around with a fever that alternated to the chills for a good part of Tuesday - and I blamed the forced air heating and air conditioning system. 

Here are my stats from Tuesday, April 24th. 

For the most part, everything looked "OK," numbers wise. 

Insulin total breakdown for 24 hours on 4/24 

Bolus history 4/25

4/24 bg from early in the morning.
Elevated morning bgs thanks to a low bg
in the middle of the night. 

4. ALWAYS make sure that you not only have regular ginger-ale in your pantry, but 3 or 4 bottles of your favorite flavored Gatorade and saltines, because if you end up with the stomach virus from hell, regular Gatorade is your best friend. It helps keep your hydration levels and electrolytes where they need to be, gives you drinkable carbs, and is the only thing (besides maybe a few saltines), that won’t add to the destruction of your gastrointestinal system.

5. Also, stomach viruses can be f^cking tricky, not to mention confusing. 

I had damn near normal blood sugars ( Bgs were constantly running on the low side of normal), for 5 days — it was like I was like my pancreas was messing with my head and I was this close to thinking that I was making insulin. But I was still “real people sick," and barely eating anything. 

6. Sleep is your friend and hydrate like your life depends on it — because it does.

7. Stomach viruses NEVER come at the right time and playing catch up is not easy — but you do it because you must. 

I’ve had trips scheduled the last two weeks and I travel again on Thursday. 

Sharing all of the above because it’s diabetes and life related and I think we need to be reminded that everything can look good on the surface, but there can be a literal shit storm (sorry I couldn't resist,) brewing - So check your blood sugars and your keytones!   

New blog posts re: what I learned on my travels soon!

***FTR, when I was down for the count being real people sick, I made sure to let a couple close friends and family know what was going. I live by myself and like to think I can handle it all - but when I'm under the weather, I let a few of my "go-to," friends know.... just in case I need help. It makes me feel better - and it makes them feel better.