Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dear Diabetes Math: You Make My Head Spin!

Dear Diabetes Math:

You make my freaking head spin!

After a challenging day of carbs, blood sugars, and diabetes finances thrown into the mix, I barely know my name; let alone what my carb/ insulin ratio is.

Math has never come easy to me. I was a little girl who preferred books, not numbers.

In the 4th grade, division threw me for a loop, but I didn’t care (OK, I cared more than a little-I didn't like feeling stupid,) but I was to busy reading “Little Women.” I wanted to be Jo and write stories in a garret, while munching on carb friendly apples.

In High School, a D in Algebra made me ineligible for a lead in the school play my Junior Year- it was the first time I’d ever suffered from a true broken heart.

It was the anxiety of the potential fail in math that did me in, not necessarily the math it self.

My family was falling apart because of my sister's health.

I literally psyched myself out and got so nervous during the test I'd start to tear up.

I was much more confident in my words.

Senior year I won college Scholarship based on an essay I wrote.

Words have always come easy to me- editing & numbers have not.

You know I was a Litt/ Comm major in college, right?

Yet every single day, I’m forced to calculate your equations, with the help of my every trusty Bolus Wizard and my OCD like affinity for reading labels.

Because of you I’ve become an expert at dividing by 12 and 15.

Because of you I’ve become a Diabetes Math Savant and can no longer look at piece of bread with out automatically paring it with protein and guestamating its carb count.

Diabetes math has made me a clock watcher- especially when my numbers are high.

I watch the clock and test like a crazy woman hoping my numbers are going south.

Testing my blood sugars has become an addiction that I won't give up.

Diabetes Math has turned me into a frugalista when it comes to my Diabetes supplies.

If an infusion set doesn’t work from the get go, you can be damn sure I call up Minimed and ask for a credit.

Diabetes Math regarding my prescriptions has put me into debt.

I’m constantly testing my blood sugars- thank God I can get them via mail order.

I pay $138 for two bottles of insulin a month- out of pocket, before the reimbursement- because I'm not allowed to get my insulin mailed to me door.

Until I get a better job, I’m stuck with a crappy RX plan. Thank God for my Endo who believes in samples!

But every cloud has a silver lining, including you Diabetes Math.

Because of the magic of your calculations, nothing is off limits and my numbers are good and Blood Sugar Nirvana is always within reach~

Now, if we could just find a cure, so we could retire your services for good.

Until then, the calculations and begging for samples will continue, because I have no choice but to be healthy.

My very life depends on it- and I'm worth it!

Kelly K


Lee Ann Thill said...

I hated math when I was in school. I was in more advanced classes because the regular ones were too easy for me, but I struggled with the advanced ones. I never got the best grades, and when the brainiacs around me were breezing through stuff, I was pulling my hair out and feeling stupid for not getting it. The first C I ever got on my report card was in 10th grade in Geometry, and I can still remember being in my room and my mom scolding me.

Although I joke that diabetes requires calculus, luckily, diabetes math isn't quite *that* advanced, although it feels like it sometimes for sure. I enjoy math now because the math skills I need for everyday stuff and diabetes are within my range of abilities. When I'm in a more positive state-of-mind, I remind myself that working those brain muscles will help me maintain my mental capabilities as I age. However, it would be great to sit down to a meal without having to do algebra or even basic computation....

babscampbell said...

I always hated math. I found out that I only needed one semester of math to graduate high school, (way back in the day!) took that one semester my freshman year and thought I was done forever. Until I went back to college. . I had an awful load of make-up math to complete.

Little did I know what kind of mathematician I'd become as a diabetic!

I've become quite the party novelty now. . standing around the buffet, spouting off the number of carbs in each dish presented. I should charge admission. . oh, but that would require more math!

As always, great post Kelly!

Casey said...

Great post, k2! I agree with Lee Ann, it isnt that the math is too hard... it is that it is unending!

Ok, so I check, count, bolus and eat. And now I want a snack 3 hours later? well... crap... I still have some IOB and I plan to exercise ... is there a formula for this? And the Bolus Wizard does NOT (let me repeat) DOES NOT replace common sense. Just cause my # is 90 doesnt mean I need a unit for this apple when I just took insulin for a meal an hour ago.

There is plenty of drama in our diabetes math.

And as a math and science girl... even I need a break from it!

Aieraelyn said...

I hate math especially when I'm low and have trouble concentrating. I was never good at it. But what is more frustrating is when I feel the D has stolen the words and left me with just the numbers.

Meri said...

A) I've never called to have faulty sets replaced. Minimed has had it too easy with me...Starting today...I'm calling!!!

B)I am entirely thankful that my endo gives out blood ketone test strip samples. She has no idea how she totally makes my day everytime she hands me a box. :)

George said...

I love math but hate doing it to survive. Does that make sense?

wv: disse

Why does diabetes gotta disse me all the time!

Diabetes Super MOM said...

Very well put!! Mattie is in 6th grade and is struggling in math, but yet she can divide 12 and 15 faster than I can.


Crystal said...

You Are worth it! I love Math, I do. I just wish I could simply eat what's in front of me....enjoy the moment, not have to wait to calculate my bolus.

Scott K. Johnson said...

I hate math. I swear I think I hate it BECAUSE of diabetes. It's all freaking numbers!