#dblogweek Day 3: The Diabetes Stuff That Brings Me Down

May is Mental Health Month and today's #Dblogweek topic is: What Brings Me Down
What brings me down when it comes to diabetes. I could write chapters about this subject. Instead, I'm keeping it short and simple and to the point~ 
And props to Scott @ Strangely Diabetic for the topic & his passion on the subject!
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What brings me down about Diabetes? 

LOTS. 

Diabetes Burnout that comes from the 24X7 never ending of it all.  
The continual blood sugar testing, the counting of carbs, the anxiety of Endo and eye appointments, the diabetes guilt that creeps up and then into my heart just when I think I'm passed it. 
The worry of both the present and the future and thinking about those I’ve loved lost to diabetes - ALL OF IT.  

My Diabetes Burnout comes in waves - And not always when you’d expect. 
Sometimes it happens when I’m packing for a trip and my diabetes supplies takes up more more room then it has a right.
Other times it happens right on queue - Like when it’s 2 a.m. and I have to be up at 6 & my blood sugar refuses to go down, even after 4 correction boluses and 2 site changes. 
The same can be said about my blood sugar refusing to stay up - even after lowering my temporary basal rate twice and downing 4 juice boxes in three hours and a fist full of glucose tabs.  
In those moments of exhaustion and fear tears sting my eyes and I physically and mentally feel like crap and it's sometimes it's hard rid myself of the diabetes muck. 

And there are days when I cry for those I’ve loved and lost to diabetes. People like my sister, my father, my two aunts and one of my best friends from D camp who passed away last year.  

I think about them everyday - And there are days when the memory of them makes me smile and laugh.  Other days I cry for them and feel their loss profoundly. 
And on those days I also cry for me Argentina, because I’m afraid of suffering like they did. 
And speaking of those diabetes folks I've loved and lost, I can't forget our DOC friends who are no longer here and the appearance of blue candles on Facebook.


And on the days when diabetes gets me down - It’s the Diabetes Online Community that pulls me up - Through blog posts, Instagram pictures, tweets, Facebook messages, texts or phone calls - And I am very grateful indeed~