But diabetes technology also gives us comfort. And I swear to God, sometimes I reach for my insulin pump like a child reaches for their favorite blanket or stuffed animal and I'm not even aware I'm doing it... And that's cool because it is comforting.
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My insulin pump has become a part of me - an extension of myself - so much so, that when I'm not wearing it for an extended period of time, either by choice or by force - I'll still reach for it out of both comfort and security.
Since I wear my insulin pump almost 24X7, I find myself myself reaching for my insulin pump automatically, without thinking, and for no reason at all except... well, it’s comforting - and subconsciously, reaching out for my insulin pump comforts me.
There are moments when I’ll hold a small piece of insulin pump tubing between my thumb and pointer finger while chatting on the phone and twirl it gently and mindlessly, like some people twirl their hair. And there are times when I unintentionally feel for the infusion site lump under my shirt and feel for a bit of the tubing with a slight quick of hand - and no one at the dinner table is the wiser.
On occasion I find my pump tubing still connected, but I find my actual insulin pump in places I don’t even remember putting it, because dealing with diabetes and my pump has become part of my cadence.
There have been instances when I’m down right surprised to find my electronic pancreas bungee pumping from my lap to the floor when I get up from the couch/desk, because I’d checked my IOB (insulin on board,) and didn’t re-clip i because l was lost in a really good movie, book, or DSMA chat.
It’s funny the how we have diabetes idiosyncrasies that give us comfort, even when we aren’t aware that we need it.
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3 comments:
Kelly, I feel the same way about my pump. Do you also have a CGM? I started using a Dexcom G4 17 days ago. I find it even more addictive than my pump. I can look at it any time I want, without doing a finger stick. It is reliable enough that I can depend on it to know my oncoming highs and lows, so I can take action before there is any real trouble. I have been looking at the Dexcom every 15 minutes in the day, and every time I wake up during the night.
Kelly, I know when we do things like name our pump we know it is has gained a special place in our heart. I often call mine names, just like it has feelings and a personality.
Do you ever clip your pump on the other side of your body from yesterday, then keep feeling for it on yesterday's side throughout the day? I agree that it's become almost a part of me now. And I'm okay with that.
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