Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Suck It In......OR I was Born Without Stomach Muscles

I have belly pouch, there's no denying it.

Even at my thinnest, when I was a size 4 and all muscle, my belly was not washboard.
My legs have always been skinny & muscular, my back nice and strong. I've been told I'm built like a swimmer. My arms have good days and bad, but are in no way misshapen, I can wear sleeveless.

But my belly has always protruded a bit.

Even as a gangly kid, who was Alfalfa skinny and whose ribs you could actually count - I still had slight belly pouch. My dance recital pics from my days dancing on the Steel Pier, show me as the tall skinny kid in the middle with the little pot belly.

Oh, there are muscles under there, and you can see them, but my belly has a protective layer of fat that just will not flatten.

I get nervous because I know that a potbelly, no matter how small is a good indicator of heart disease. I'm doing sit ups and tightening my stomach at timed intervals, but even in my size 8's,
There’s still more stomach than I'd like.

It's the first place I loose weight, and the first place I gain weight.

I know that most diabetics, including type 1's, have this issue to some degree.

My Diabetes Educator actually calls it a diabetic pouch or stomach.
I call it a diabetic pain in the "arse" by way of my stomach.

One of my favorite lines from pulp fiction is "Pot bellies are sexy."
I tend to take that line to heart, as I continually suck in my stomach.

Once at the gym, a woman saw me doing massive crunches with a 40 lb weight on my stomach and told me that if I just did more squats, spinning, and crunches my stomach would be flat like hers. - "You'll be able to bounce quarters of it in 3 months," she said with a smile.

I looked at her innocently, and said with a straight face, "Well.....Actually, I was born without stomach muscles. It's been an uphill battle, and learning to sit up was a real bitch, but I think I'm handling it well. Thanks for the advice though. Anything else you think I need to know?" She looked me at said,"OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry, u look great, God bless u!" She then high tailed it out town . What I really felt like saying was , "Shut up & mind your own business biotch!" But, I did get the results I wanted. Sometimes guilt via humor is better than anger when it comes to know –it-alls.

So as I aim towards a size six and munch on my tomato and turkey sandwich with gluten free Ezekiel bread, I embrace my good points and I tell myself that even if my stomach is never washboard perfect, I have kick-ass legs and thin ankles....And you can't buy thin ankles darlings! ;)


Jeff said...

Hi Kelly.

Way to go to town on Ms. Flatbelly!

Unsolicited advice, especially unsolicited HEALTH advice, is often like a nice hard fastball begging to be tagged onto Lansdowne Street.

It's good to be ready.

k2 said...


Jeff -
Glad u like my response!
I will say that if it hadn't been for Miss Flatbelly Empty Brain's unsolicited advice, I would not have had such good joke for my stand-up routine. My response was organic and once I thought it, I said it out loud without thinking.
Out of bad or annoying comes good and razor sharp retorts!
Kelly K

Chris said...

I've always wanted to respond to someone who make a stupid comment but I have not had the opportunity to do so. Way to go. Kick those flatbellies in the Arse!

k2 said...

Chris -
Sometimes you just have to do what you gotta do to survive, or stay somewhat sane.

Flatbellies look out, do not piss off a diabetic! You will be sorry!
Kelly K

Marcus Grimm said...

re: "My Diabetes Educator actually calls it a diabetic pouch or stomach."

And here I was blaming it on the beer I was drinking.. hmmmmm....

k2 said...

Well Marcus -
It looks like you are officially off the hook!
Kelly K

Cara said...

Some people are just blessed with thin ankles... and skinny calves. :) I've not been blessed with either. Sigh.

k2 said...

Cara -

Your fine girlfriend!

look, we all have body issues, especially women, especially diabetic women.

I say that as a society, we should embrace and celebrate our assets, so the areas that we think need work won't drive us nuts!

Your awesome!
Kelly K

Scott K. Johnson said...

I would have paid money to see that lady's face!

I'm never quite that fast on my toes with responses. I'm the guy that thinks about it and comes up with something half-ass thirty minutes later.


k2 said...

Scott -
I will say, she just kind of froze,
and yeah, it was worth the price of my gym membership.
I too have been the person that has thought of the perfect response an hour later.
Now I just try and live my life in the moment and that has helped me to sharpen my sardonic responses.
Kelly K