Tuesday, February 12, 2008
What if the Queen Had Balls?
Tonight I fast...Fast for the battery of blood work that accompanies my Tri-monthly Hemoglobin A-1C.
Last night I fasted and was supposed to have blood taken this morning, but deadlines called, and tomorrow will have to do.
I don't know about you, but the anticipation of the fast; the test, the results, and what they mean, tends to do a bit of a head-trip on yours truly.
Will my numbers be good, or at least improved from last time?
Will medications have to be upped, lowered or added?
Am I on the continuing path towards health, or will my sister's words which paralyzed me years ago (see January posting) comeback once again to haunt me?
Tests freak me out, always have. Just go ask my High School Math teacher. Poor Mr. Mandell would watch as I'd start to tear-up during the test. I'd study so hard, my parents would pay good money they didn't have for a tutor, and I'd pass, at least the night before the test in the comfort of my living room, with my math tutor Joe, a former Big Band singer and WWII pilot with a great head for numbers. But during the actual test in school, I'd psych myself out, freeze up and forget everything.
Mr. Mandell would actually work in extra credit points that only I would know. For instance, on 1 exam the extra credit would be a point for every Woody Allen movie we could name. I got at least 10 extra points on that one. Another exam had us name previous Oscar winners and the films they won them for - that was at least 15 points thrown my way.
As an adult, I suffer from "White Coat" syndrome. They normally have to take my blood pressure several times because the 1st one is always high due to the fact that I know how important my numbers are.
It's really ironic, I can talk to large groups of people about living with diabetes and only suffer from butterflies and the wonderful adrenaline rush, but have Nurse Practitioner Chick take my blood pressure, and I have to talk myself down from a ledge of "What-ifs."
"What if my blood pressures high?"
"What if my urine tests have protein?"
"What if my blood work shows something that just should not be?"
Then I ask myself, "What if the Queen had balls Kelly, what then? Hmmm, good question.Well, then She'd be King or a really fabulous Drag Queen that’s what if….Get over the fear and get on with your life Kel!"
As Diabetics we live in fear of the dreaded "What Ifs,"on a daily basis.
I'm tired of the power that the "What Ifs " hold on me and I’m purging them from my life right now!
I'm going to focus on the fact that these tests are there to help and inform me, not hurt me.
I' m going to learn from them and live my life to the fullest.
Technology is our friend and knowledge is power.