Tuesday, February 12, 2008

What if the Queen Had Balls?

Tonight I fast...Fast for the battery of blood work that accompanies my Tri-monthly Hemoglobin A-1C.

Last night I fasted and was supposed to have blood taken this morning, but deadlines called, and tomorrow will have to do.
I don't know about you, but the anticipation of the fast; the test, the results, and what they mean, tends to do a bit of a head-trip on yours truly.

Will my numbers be good, or at least improved from last time?
Will medications have to be upped, lowered or added?

Am I on the continuing path towards health, or will my sister's words which paralyzed me years ago (see January posting) comeback once again to haunt me?

Tests freak me out, always have. Just go ask my High School Math teacher. Poor Mr. Mandell would watch as I'd start to tear-up during the test. I'd study so hard, my parents would pay good money they didn't have for a tutor, and I'd pass, at least the night before the test in the comfort of my living room, with my math tutor Joe, a former Big Band singer and WWII pilot with a great head for numbers. But during the actual test in school, I'd psych myself out, freeze up and forget everything.

Mr. Mandell would actually work in extra credit points that only I would know. For instance, on 1 exam the extra credit would be a point for every Woody Allen movie we could name. I got at least 10 extra points on that one. Another exam had us name previous Oscar winners and the films they won them for - that was at least 15 points thrown my way.

As an adult, I suffer from "White Coat" syndrome. They normally have to take my blood pressure several times because the 1st one is always high due to the fact that I know how important my numbers are.

It's really ironic, I can talk to large groups of people about living with diabetes and only suffer from butterflies and the wonderful adrenaline rush, but have Nurse Practitioner Chick take my blood pressure, and I have to talk myself down from a ledge of "What-ifs."

"What if my blood pressures high?"
"What if my urine tests have protein?"
"What if my blood work shows something that just should not be?"

Then I ask myself, "What if the Queen had balls Kelly, what then? Hmmm, good question.Well, then She'd be King or a really fabulous Drag Queen that’s what if….Get over the fear and get on with your life Kel!"

As Diabetics we live in fear of the dreaded "What Ifs,"on a daily basis.

I'm tired of the power that the "What Ifs " hold on me and I’m purging them from my life right now!
I'm going to focus on the fact that these tests are there to help and inform me, not hurt me.

I' m going to learn from them and live my life to the fullest.

Technology is our friend and knowledge is power.


Karen said...

Amen. I'm going for my blood draw tomorrow morning too. I hate doctors visits - always dread them and get really cranky during the days leading up to them. Always have high blood pressure readings because of the nerves. I also know my A1C will be crap because I've had a stressful few months. And a particularly bad week. Oh well - I'd decided to give the insulin pump a go anyway, so my endo will be really happy. Here's hoping your test go well and your endo is really happy too.

k2 said...

Karen -

Praise Be Sister! Good luck tomorrow and don't let them leave bruises.

Hope your week gets better and I'm so happy to hear that your going on the pump - U WILL LOVE IT! Feel free to ask me questions because I to did not want to go on one four years ago.
Now, I'd never go back.

Thanks for the good wishes and hope to hear from u again.
Kelly K

Jeff said...

Hi Kelly.

This morning was my turn for tests at the lab. I'll be thinking of you tonight while you're not eating. :^(

Coincidentally, I'll be tutoring a friend in math later today, as well. Actually, it's in physics, but it's the math that's causing trouble.

Glad to hear you're kicking those "what ifs" in the pants.

k2 said...


Seems as if it's "about that time" for everyone regarding blood work.

Physics - I new you were a smartie pants!

As far as those nasty "what ifs," they no longer have power over me!

Kelly K

Scott K. Johnson said...

I hear you Kelly!

I'm notably more irritable and cranky leading up to my endo appointments. I hate how we get so freaked out by them.

I always feel like I'm being "judged" on my management - when it's really not like that at all!

k2 said...

Scott -
It's soooo comforting to hear I'm not alone.

No one's judging us, except ourselves.

Kelly K