Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I'm Done Hating

So I'm in CVS yesterday, on a rare 66 degree March day here in Philadelphia. The sun was shining, I was sans top coat and feeling groovy.

A lady in a Peacock blue shirt noticed my pump and struck up a conversation with me. She told me that her 14 year old daughter was on the pump and had been diagnosed at the age of 11.

"She's doing great," said the lady in blue. "I tell her to fight it with all she's got, that diabetes is the enemy, and that it's OK to feel hate towards it, lord knows her dad and I do."

Then she looked at me point blank and asked, "You know what I mean?"

I looked her square in the eye and answered her honestly. "I refuse to hate diabetes, because I refuse to hate myself. I can open up any women's magazine and do that. Those mags always make me feel that I'm not thin enough, curvy enough, pretty or smart enough, etc. I refuse to buy into that anymore. I don't need any more issues than I already have.


MY diabetes, for better or for worse, is part of of who I am. IF I hated it, I would hate myself.
Do I dislike it intensely At times? absolutely. Do I dislike certain positions that diabetes puts me in? Yes. Is it a pain in my ass both literally and figuratively? You bet. Would I wish it on others? No way! But I gotta live with it until there's a cure, so I have to make it work with me, not against.


She stared at me for a good 20 seconds and said, "I never thought of it like that."

We said our goodbyes and she headed towards the pharmacy. I made my way to the register, paid for my sundries and like Elvis, I left the building.

I think she thought I was crazy. Hell, maybe you do to, but I'm done hating. Hate takes energy, energy I need. To hate the big D would mean that diabetes would get the upper hand in our complicated relationship, and I refuse to let that be the case.

I'd rather focus my energy on living.

13 comments:

Justine said...

hi Kelly,
I'm new to reading your blog, and I just wanted to let you know I'm really enjoying it thus far.
I like your way of thinking - its so much healthier and more positive than the alternatives :) If only more people shared your point of view...

Marcus Grimm said...

Hate takes a lot of energy that can be used on many other things.

k2 said...

Justine -

WELCOME!

Thanks so much for your wonderful words. It means so much to me that your enjoying Diabetesaliciousness.

I have to see the glass half full in my life. It's how I handle the curve balls that are thrown my way from time to time.

Hope you'll visit often!
Kelly K

k2 said...

Marcus -
How goes it?

Your absolutely right! I couldn't have said it better myself.
k2

Scott K. Johnson said...

Takes a lot to speak your mind K - which I think you did in a very positive way.

Presenting another perspective to that mother may create some real positive change for that young lady.

Cara said...

I say "Don't hate, instead used that emotion to take care of yourself!".
That's how I figure it. Some days I want to hate it, but I can't. It's just part of life.

k2 said...

Scott -

I speak my mind on what I'm passionate about - living a good life with the Big D is a huge passion.

I hope I helpd, or at least made her see different view.
k2

Cara -
Amen to that sister!
Life is full of ups and downs, just like diabetes is. We have to roll with both!
k2

Jillian said...

I totally agree. I'm not angry or hating diabetes. It just is what it is, I will take that fact and live my best life with it.

k2 said...

Jillian -

Sounds like a pretty terrific plan to me!

k2

Shannon said...

I LOVED this post!! You rock!

It takes sooo much energy to hate. That energy can be better spent.

And hate won't make diabetes go away.

I'm glad you said someone. MAYBE it will make a difference in her thinking and she'll allow her daughter to have a different attitude as a result.

Or maybe it won't help, BUT it was worth saying it because you never know what will stick.

k2 said...

Shannon -
Glad you liked the post - you rock 2! Being that your the mother of a diabetic,it makes me feel good to know that parents are teaching the don't hate rule.
k2

Jaimie said...

Absolutely agree! This post is amazing! Tears in my eyes (dang allergies lol)...we can continue to fight w/o the hate!

Virtue said...

agreed. <3