Thursday, August 4, 2011

If My Diabetes Had A Voice. Or: She Who Lives In A Glass Bitch House Should Not Be Throwing Stones....

I have a diabetes voice and I’m not afraid to use it - we all know that!

And you all have a diabetes voice, and it’s my hope that you use it for yourself and others.

But right now I wish my diabetes had a voice - Like an audible one that spoke fluent English in a diabetes dialect, so it could tell me what the heck’s going on!

OK, here’s the thing, I haven’t been running high, but I haven’t been running low these past few days either. Instead, I’ve been in the mid 160s & 170s since Monday. I feel fine, but it’s annoying none the less.

I just want my normal numbers back.

I wish diabetes could just tell me straight up what’s going on. And in my head, I imagine that our conversation would go something like this:

Diabetes: Yo Kel, I think there’s a good chance your sinuses are acting up again - Or your catching a summer cold. Something's going on - Have you seen your numbers lately!

Me: Yeah, I figured as much. And of course I’ve seen my numbers! It’s not like you give me any choice about being a human pincushion. Seriously, do you think I just fell of the Diabetes Turnip Truck yesterday?

Diabetes: So why not up the temporary basal rate already?

Me: OK, first of all, I was seriously considering upping my temporary basal rate, but I thought maybe you were just being bitchy, which is why I waited.

Diabetes: No, this has nothing to do with my bitchiness. And need I remind you that she who lives in a glass Bitch House should not be throwing stones. Catch my drift?

Me: Dually noted - But let's face it, you flipped my Diabetes BitchSwitch when you went ape shit on my Islet of Langerhans back in the third grade. But thanks for communicating re: elevated blood sugars linked to a cold/ sinus iss- ue. My ears are starting to hurt - I think it’s my sinuses. I’m upping my temporary basal rate for the next 24 hours and taking it from there.

Diabetes: That sounds like a plan.

Me: Now about you going all medieval on my Islets of Langerhans back in the day...........


Alexis Nicole said...

I'm sorry you're going thru the icky bg days as I call em. Not too high but not quite right.

I love love love this post! J often fantasizes if D was a man how he beat him up :)

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Oh, to have a conversation to know what the heck was going lovely! I wouldn't even mind the attitude I'm sure D would lay on pretty thick with a side of sarcasm to boot. :)

Lora said...

Glass bitch house... love it!

I hope your sinuses cut it out soon so you can get your normal numbers back.