But sometimes, diabetes or not, life gets in the way. I tried my absolute best during my mom's illness and subsequent death to stay on top of things - At least as far as my diabetes life was concerned.
I tested like a mad woman; ate when needed, and took any and all daily medications required.
I really thought I had a handle on things diabetically speaking. But sometimes it doesn't matter what you do externally, stress still plays a major factor internally speaking - And the proof is in the numbers.
As I walked into my Endo's office, I felt the dread weighing heavily on my heart.
I signed in, was weighed, and read a copy of Philadelphia Magazine while I waited in the examine room.
And then a nice Intern came in and asked me all the typical questions one would expect from an Endo visit. Questions about blood sugars, basal rates, eye-exams and the last time I saw a Podiatrist.
Then he asked if anything out of the ordinary had happened since my last visit....... And I looked him straight in the eyes and told him my mother had died 33 days earlier.
I told him in a matter-of- fact manner about taking her to the emergency room, her blocked kidney & the failed stent attempt. Her being in the intensive care unit; and being in a medically induced coma, and how she beat sepsis and woke up & was moved to a Step-Down unit, and then suffered from internal bleeding because of her cumadin, and how she beat that and was moved to a Telemetry unit. And finally I told him about her coding twice from CO2 build-up and never waking up and having her vent removed.
I told him about the funeral and all that followed, including the sleepless nights. And then I told him that I missed my mother more than I could put into words and how being an orphan absolutely sucked.
And he listened and took notes and then said how sorry he was. He asked me if I was depressed, and I told him that no, I wasn't depressed, but I was sad about losing my mom and that I missed her very much.
And then the intern told me (and I'm paraphrasing here,) that during the Adjustment Phase, (apparently, that's the name for the time after a loved one's death) being sad is normal, and that in his professional opinion I didn't look or sound depressed. I looked good and it sounded like my family and I had been through a lot.
And that quite frankly, he'd be concerned if I wasn't feeling sad. And I was like: Oh, OK, that makes me feel better, thanks. And then he went off to find Dr. J.
And a few minutes later Dr. J came in and told me how sorry he was and asked me to explain what happened with my mom from the beginning - So I did.
Dr. J: Kelly (but when he says it, it sounds like kel-lee,) I am so sorry to hear that!! You have been through so much and under a tremendous amount of stress!! I know it's been difficult and if you need anything, call us.
Dr. J: Listen, your labs are great. Cholosterol, is good, blood pressure good, and kidneys are great! And I gotta tell you Kel-Lee, with all the stress you've been under, I fully expected an A1C in the nines or tens -At least! So listen, we're not going to change your diabetes management right now. Let's see how things are next visit before we consider playing around with your rates.
A 7.4 A.1c is really very good! Don't beat yourself up, Kel-lee.
And then we talked for another 20 minutes or so about life and discussed what direction my life was headed. Then Dr. J ran out and retrieved a large number of insulin samples for me and said: I'll see you in February/March, and call if you need anything!
We said our goodbyes and then I scheduled my next appointment and left. In the elevator I put on my sunglasses, even though it was crappy out, because I had tears in my eyes.
My Endo, his intern, CDE and amazing staff get "it," BIG TIME.
And by "IT" I mean life, and what life throws our way, diabetes and otherwise.
And I feel incredibly lucky & blessed to have such an amazing diabetes team working with me - And I am very thankful indeed~