Friday, May 4, 2012

Dear Diabetes - You Look Different Than I Thought You Would...

The Diabetes or The Cracken?? 

Dear Diabetes:
Wow, I can't believe that we're meeting face to face -It's been almost 35 years!
We've talked on a daily basis and we've had an in-depth and very personal online correspondence, but this is the first meeting in IRL. 
And I have to say, you don't really look like I thought you would. 
I thought you'd look like the Cracken or the Three Witches from Macbeth - Or Newt Gingrich. 
Bu that's not the case,you look just like me.  Except not, because you also look like so many other faces, and almost all of them familiar. 
You look like my sisters and my father and all of my friends in the DOC. 
You have my nephew's eyes and my father's smile - And in a certain light I see my Aunts.  
Your face is a continual kaleidoscope of morphing faces of people I know and people I don't. 
In you I see people I love and care for - And people I love and are no longer here. 
I was already to tell you to STOP STALKING ME and had planned to ask you why the f*ck you were hell bent on destroying the Islet of Langerhans of an 8 year old. 
Seriously D, what the hell did I ever do to you?   
I wasn't a mean kid. I was a chatty little girl who loved to read books, especially at the dinner table and before bed. Purple was my favorite color and I loved jumping in puddles and splashing around in the rain. 
I was obsessed with the Carol Burnett show and cried when it went of the air - I think I was 7. 
I loved to laugh and I loved to make people laugh, especially when they were sad because tears made me uncomfortable. 
And when you came into my life, there was a lot of tears - Which meant of course that there was a lot of laughter just to spite you. 
I thought I'd call you every name in the book, and curse you out like a fleet drunken sailors in town during Fleet Week. 
But I'm not going to do that. 
You know what you are and you know what you did and quite frankly, you take enough of my time and energy. 
And I won't ignore you either - Because that doesn't hurt you, but it sure hell hurts me. 
I will however own you, even during those times when it feels like you own me. 
And I will work very hard to make you fade away - Because I'm loyal to fault - And I love my D family and friends something fierce. 
So I'll leave you with this bone to suck on: 
Stop fucking with the people I care about. 
Because my DiabetesBitchSwitch is flipped.


Lisa said...


Your line about diabetes being hell bent on destroying the Islet of Langerhans of an 8 year old really struck me. I completely agree with you - It just doesn't make sense. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 26 and went to a JDRF walk in the fall. I was so moved by all of the children there who had only known life with diabetes. You all are so incredibly strong and I have nothing but the greatest admiration for all of you for managing diabetes the way you have for so long. Thank you for your post!

Sarah/@smartDpants said...

Love this. I think there's so much power in speaking directly to diabetes, as if we could, in fact, "talk back" to it. It's not fair that it gets to walk all over and around and through our lives all one-sided and such. So I love that you told it all about itself. <3

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

Wow. Wonderfully written Kelly. I love the part about making people laugh because tears made you uncomfortable. I have spent so much of my D-life doing just that so people wouldn't worry about me.

Personally, I sometimes see myself with my foot on the D's neck, holding it down...and I'm gonna keep it there until it's cold & dead. And I'm going to say: You didn't get me. I won.