Monday, January 21, 2013

5 Minutes

It's been five minutes since I treated a low blood sugar and they feel like the longest 5 minutes in the history of the world.

5 minutes where I've waited for the tingling all over my body to start to subside and the color to return to my face.
5 minutes or more where I sit here at my desk and look around hoping that no one has noticed that I just downed 7 glucose tabs in two minutes flat and feel slightly out of breath.
The past 5 minutes have take everything I have to keep patient and calm & not show the world how mad I am at diabetes - And myself right now.
5 minutes usually goes by like that (imagine me snapping my fingers and looking all types of fierce,) but these 5 minutes following a 57 blood sugar go by in 1 second drips that seem like years and leave me feeling like Atlas.
5 little and excruciating minutes have left me not only fighting to get my blood sugar back to normal, but have left me wondering how the hell this low happened in the first place.  And these 5 minutes have left me fighting to keep control of the situation and not appear weak to others who might see it as a character flaw - Or just don't understand.

And I breathe deep, smooth the hair on top of my head into place (more out of comfort than necessity,) and then run them across the file I'd been working on before I began the freefall off my Blood Sugar Cliff.
10 minutes since and I feel better, but still slightly shaken, not stirred.
The number on my meter has climbed to 83 - And that's about how old I feel right now.
I open the file on my desk and go back to work - Because I can and I must, ..... so I do.

And because having diabetes has made me strong - Even in the moments when diabetes makes me feel the most weak~

8 comments:

Reva Berman said...

I love that last sentence you wrote, "And because having diabetes has made me strong - Even in the moments when diabetes makes me feel the most weak". It's so true, and sometimes its nice to be reminded.

StephenS said...

Exactly! Diabetes has made you strong, even when you feel weak. I can identify with everything you talked about. Especially about people at work seeing a low as a character flaw. Well, let 'em. It is not a character flaw. It's character building.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Man, K2. What a powerful post.

Kelly said...

I feel the same exact way when I have lows, especially at work, you put it all perfectly into words! The thing I dread most about Diabetes is lows in public, especially when around co-workers. Strange, isnt it? I guess feeling vulnerable and "weak" is just my limit with this crazy disease! And, yeah....you really do feel that old as the number rises!

Marie Smith said...

It is your courage in the face of weakness that makes you strong. And you are strong.

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?" -- Kahlil Gibran

Mike Hoskins said...

Great post, K2! Those are excruciating moments, waiting for Lows to come up. I remember sitting at my desk having the symptoms of blurry vision and in the inability to concentrate, and needing to meet a deadline. And of course, pushing off treating my Low to keep working... which just continued the cycle. And THEN judging my BG level by my ability to again read legal papers and focus. Grrr.

Lora said...

I'm so glad you wrote this... I need some stuff to take with me to a school meeting. Justin's bg was in the 40's and he didn't write his assignment down. He was penalized. It aggravates the crap out of me that it was even an issue. Some people just don't get it.

Stupid Girfl and the Train Wreck said...

This reminds me of when my iron drops low and I wonder if I just need a supplement or if I'm about to have a stroke or heart attack. I like your writing and I'm going to start following you.