Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Letting Go & Leaving Room For Hope~

Where there is no struggle, there is no strength~

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. 
Nelson Mandela

Life ain't a track meet..... It's a marathon.
Ice Cube

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
Hermann Hesse

Tomorrow (Wednesday) morning is my Eye exam and I’m trying to stay calm & let go of my fears~ 
I’m trying to breathe and get on with my day - Trying to finish my work so I can go out in the beautiful sunshine and play!
Trying my best to be all go with the flow, while doing what needs to be done in this thing called life. 
And I’m doing quite well in accomplishing all of the above. 

But I know that when I wake up tomorrow morning I will be on pins and needles and that the fear I let go of today, will reappear tomorrow.  

And I will makes excuses and find myself running late to get to said eye appointment - And will most likely arrive 10 minutes late and filled with apologies - Because the very thought of getting my eyes dilated and prodded and having blinding bright lights glaring on and in them, makes me want to stay in bed while simultaneously wishing it was already Wednesday night instead of Tuesday afternoon, let alone Wednesday morning. 

And I know that the receptionist will smile at me and tell me it’s OK - And hearing her say that will make me think that everything will be OK -  And the reappeared fear will subside for a bit, until I find myself sitting in the dark exam room - and then the nerves and the fear will start all over again. 

And there’s a good chance that I’ll even tweet about how I'm feeling. 

Then my Dr. will come in and shake my hand and ask me how I’ve been.
And the n the small talk and the exam will begin - And all the while my Dr. will tell me that I’m doing great while talking to his assistant in a language I don’t understand. 

And I will silently say little prayers and remind myself that I am mother’s daughter & that I come from brave and tough stock. And I will tell myself that my hopes are stronger than my fears  - And that letting go of my fears will leave more room for my hopes to become reality. 

And I will hope that things go well, just like last visit. 

But if that’s not the case - I will still be OK. 

And on the drive home I'll probably  think about taking up yoga again, and tell myself that I need to be more zen. 

And I will continue to work on letting go of all the things in my life, ( diabetes and otherwise) that don't leave room for hope. 


Moira said...

You're the best. i wish I could go with you and wait in the waiting room and then take you out to lunch and to get a prize because you are brave and grounded and wonderful.

StephenS said...

Isn't this the doctor you wrote about earlier? The one who asked about your blog? Anyway, let me add one additional quote. Knowing is better than the unknown. All the best tomorrow. Thanks for sharing.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Sending you all sorts of calming and positive vibes, K2!

gigi_tweets2 said...

Your post is so timely...I have my appt. on Friday and am feeling the same way. Sending you calming, zen-like thoughts and hope they boomerang back to me :)