Diabetes makes us tough - but I don't always want to be tough.
I don't always want to consider the cost re: every diabetes move I make.
With that being said - I'm going to plow through the muck and find the lotus - but I gotta bitch a little bit~
You walk around with a new infusion site that you unknowingly placed in a patch of skin that doesn't really absorb like it should, but you're afraid you'll run out of infusion sites before your next shipment of pump supplies gets delivered in January.
So you make excuses. "Maybe I shouldn't have had the leftover mash potatoes with my leftover turkey, at dinner - it MUST have been those damn mashed potatoes." OR "I didn't get my exercise in today and it shows." But deep in your heart, pancreas, and mind, you know it's because it's the ghost of zombie sites past - that the new infusion site has hit a zombie patch of skin - not quite dead, but definitely not alive in the sense that it's not utilizing the insulin that's going into your body from the electronic pancreas that's clipped to your hip.
But you decide to tough it out because insurance.
You walk around in the high hundreds to low 220s and then some - and you use copious amounts of insulin. You blow through your Monday and you make it your bitch with a vengeance because NOTHING is going to stop you.
You correction bolus, finish one project and start another and you don't stop - until you can't take it anymore.
Then you remove the less than 24 hour old infusion site from the zombie spot and put in a new one.
And a little over an hour later your numbers drop back to normal.
And you feel mad and guilty all rolled into one - Mad because another part of your body has betrayed you - And mad because a box of infusion sets equals a car payment.
Mad because your deductible is so high you will most likely never reach it by January.
Guilty because you picked the wrong worn out patch of skin.
Guilty because even with rotating sites like boss, you're one of the reasons that patch of skin is now longer subcutaneously astute.
But you're damn thankful that the new site works and that you have backup infusion sites.
And then you write a blog post, ASAP because you have to articulate how you're feeling to people who "get it," and you haven't even utter the D word.