I took a break from the work I was doing because of all the thoughts swirling in my head. So I set the timer on my phone for 8 minutes and did a free write.
Here's what I came up with.
Four days of great blood sugars and lower insulin totals, immediately followed by a few days of higher numbers in both categories.
Four days where my blood sugars behaved, followed by waiting out a 328 and changing out a newish infusion site before bed last night.
Drinking 16 ounces of water, peeing like Secretariat, and waiting until my blood sugar started going before I could shut my eyes and fall asleep.
The alarm went off this morning and like the mythical Phoenix, I rose from the ashes, aka, the warmth of my bed, downed the first of 2 cups of coffee (instead of my usual 1.5,) and went on with the business of living,working, and doing.
Here, in the middle of a Nor’easter, I sit in my office and at my computer, rain boots by the door and lights flickering on and off - like a movie.
The wind howls, windows shaking, and I'm doing my best to to get through my list of work that needs to be done - and thankful that I forced myself to go to the store before dinner last night, when I realized I was precariously close to running out of juice.
Diabetes means never running of juice... or insulin.... or meds; pump supplies, test strips and the likes there off -but always worrying about all of the above.
Diabetes In storm or clear skies, means thinking ahead, as well as in the moment.
Diabetes forces us to bring backup with us, no matter where we go... or how far we have to march.
Diabetes means doing; fighting, and moving forward while simultaneously having moments were we are forced to sit and wait for diabetes to catch up.
Diabetes means battles within and fighting exterior forces at every turn.
Diabetes is close to the cuff and our hearts, even when we aren’t thinking about it.
Diabetes is me, you, and everyone who we love - living with diabetes means fighting for our rights, our physical and mental health - our lives.
Diabetes makes us fight not to be labeled by a disease we didn't choose.
Diabetes makes us fight for ourselves and others - a silver lining of strength and solidarity in the storm, a silver lining that makes people with diabetes forces to be reckoned with, and no matter the sky.