Dear Diabetes Math: You Make My Head Spin!

Dear Diabetes Math:

You make my freaking head spin!

After a challenging day of carbs, blood sugars, and diabetes finances thrown into the mix, I barely know my name; let alone what my carb/ insulin ratio is.

Math has never come easy to me. I was a little girl who preferred books, not numbers.

In the 4^th grade, division threw me for a loop, but I didn’t care (OK, I cared more than a little-I didn't like feeling stupid,) but I was to busy reading “Little Women.” I wanted to be Jo and write stories in a garret, while munching on carb friendly apples.

In High School, a D in Algebra made me ineligible for a lead in the school play my Junior Year- it was the first time I’d ever suffered from a true broken heart.

It was the anxiety of the potential fail in math that did me in, not necessarily the math it self.

My family was falling apart because of my sister's health.

I literally psyched myself out and got so nervous during the test I'd start to tear up.

I was much more confident in my words.

Senior year I won college Scholarship based on an essay I wrote.

Words have always come easy to me- editing & numbers have not.

You know I was a Litt/ Comm major in college, right?

Yet every single day, I’m forced to calculate your equations, with the help of my every trusty Bolus Wizard and my OCD like affinity for reading labels.

Because of you I’ve become an expert at dividing by 12 and 15.

Because of you I’ve become a Diabetes Math Savant and can no longer look at piece of bread with out automatically paring it with protein and guestamating its carb count.

Diabetes math has made me a clock watcher- especially when my numbers are high.

I watch the clock and test like a crazy woman hoping my numbers are going south.

Testing my blood sugars has become an addiction that I won't give up.

Diabetes Math has turned me into a frugalista when it comes to my Diabetes supplies.

If an infusion set doesn’t work from the get go, you can be damn sure I call up Minimed and ask for a credit.

Diabetes Math regarding my prescriptions has put me into debt.

I’m constantly testing my blood sugars- thank God I can get them via mail order.

I pay $138 for two bottles of insulin a month- out of pocket, before the reimbursement- because I'm not allowed to get my insulin mailed to me door.

Until I get a better job, I’m stuck with a crappy RX plan. Thank God for my Endo who believes in samples!

But every cloud has a silver lining, including you Diabetes Math.

Because of the magic of your calculations, nothing is off limits and my numbers are good and Blood Sugar Nirvana is always within reach~

Now, if we could just find a cure, so we could retire your services for good.

Until then, the calculations and begging for samples will continue, because I have no choice but to be healthy.

My very life depends on it- and I'm worth it!

Kelly K

Happy DBLOG DAY & It's my Blogaversary!

So today is Dblog day- and it’s also the second anniversary of Diabetesaliciousness -which blows my mind on so many levels. Two years ago I had no idea that the Diabetes on-line community existed. Then Halle made her "wean myself off insulin statement” and I started to Diabetesaliciousness because I didn’t know how else to express my frustration.

I had no idea that my first entry would be on “dblog Day” and I had no idea that such wonderful and kick-ass people existed in the world!

Look, I’ve never been a shrinking violet, (wait, I take that back- the middle school and high school years did number on my self confidence and I didn’t want to talk,let alone be seen) and Diabetes blogging has given my loud alto voice a wider audience and another venue to speak regarding life with the big D.

But more than that, blogging about diabetes has given me friends (That would be you) who get where “I am,” understand where I‘m going, and have been where I’m coming from – And not just “diabetically" speaking ;)

I’ve never been shy about my diabetes or my attitude regarding living with it. I never tried to hide it from friends or classmates because hiding from who I am was never the kind of person I wanted to be.

But to be part of a community that I can turn to 24X7, 365 days a year is an amazing thing.

While I work very hard to OWN my disease and let go of the guilt, there are moments when diabetes leaves me flustered, annoyed, laughing and in tears…sometimes it’s a combination of all of the above.

And then I read about what others are experiencing and I not only recognize myself in their words, but I learn from them as well.

I learn about the obvious stuff, like medical breakthroughs, WDD Events, health care reform, and Diabetes Police frustrations.

And then there’s the not so obvious stuff, like that some people love bacon more than I do, that I’m not the only one with doorknob/pump issues, and that certain things (like cupcakes) cross both national and international lines of bolus worthy foods.

I learn from type 3’s just how difficult their connection to diabetes is.

I learn that type 2’s that their frustrations and hardships are just as difficult as mine.

I learn from the 1.5’s that they do indeed exist and that the road the walk own leads to mine in the end.

I learn from my fellow Type 1’s that my diabetes idiosyncrasies are real.

And I learn from everyone connected with Diabetes that I’m not alone.

I see myself, and the person I hope to be in everyone’s posts.

And every day I think about a person in my life who would have benefited most from the Diabetes on-line community- but who will never get the chance to experience it- and that makes me sad.

And it’s her memory that makes me think of all the PWDs who have yet to reap the benefits of what Diabetes blogs have to offer. And that makes me sad and frustrated. Every single one of us needs to continue to work on spreading the word and empowering people with diabetes.

Every person with Diabetes needs to know that they are not alone, and that there's a place right here on the Internet, where they can find knowledge; compassion, humor, and ownership of one’s diabetes.

And when you mix all those words together,they spell L-O-V-E.

And lets face it, there’s no greater feeling in the world than Love of self (faulty pancreas and all) and love of ones community~

LOVE ROCKS- AND SO DO YOU!

A Tale of Two Kellys

It's like two, two, two Kelly's in 1.

3rd Grade pic - the year I was diagnosed. I'm wearing a cow neck neck turtle neck (my mom's words & ideal, not mine) because I was SO skinny and she wanted to add some bulk to my frame.

So, while my mom was having Defibrillator replacement surgery on Wednesday,(and I was freaking out big time) I decided to calm myself and get out dodge, otherwise known as the Family Waiting Room for Cardiac patients families and take a walk. I realized that I was next to CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) and thought- why not bite the bullet and apply to have all my medical records sent to me.

CHOP has changed- BIG TIME since I was a patient- It takes up several city blocks now and even has a Food Court. The entrance (which used to house an atrium) is still multi levels with sculptures and mobiles hanging from the ceiling & a life size abacus/plaything that kids can actually play with stands in the middle of it it all. Where the Gift Shop used to be is now restrooms.

I went to the Information Desk and asked where the Admissions Records Office was. I was told to take an elevator one level down and follow the signs.

When I finally found the Admissions Records Office, I went in and started talking to the clerk.

Me: Hi, my names Kelly and I'm here to get both my admissions and patient records from when I was diagnosed with Diabetes. I want to apply for my 30 Year Certificate from Joslin and I need the paperwork.
Clerk: What year are we starting with?

Me: 1977 - October.

Clerk: Wow - you must have been a baby- you still look like a little kid!
Me: Thanks ( I saw no need to correct the woman) - I owe my youthful looks to all the saccharin I ingested as a child- it's a preservative you know.

Clerk: HA - that's funny. Fill out the paper work and call this number in 5 days. This office is for Admission records- you'll have to go up to Endocrinology for your Patient records.
Me: OK- thanks for your help.

So off I went to another building and another wing and filled out more paperwork and was told the same thing. Now I wait until next week and will keep you posted.

I've been thinking about getting my records for a long time I'm curious about the little girl who was Kelly , and the lady (and I use that term loosely) called Kelly she's become.

Will I find any clues to who she was and will I recognize any remnants of me?

While I remember many things about my diagnoses there's so many gaps in my mind.

Last time I asked my mom about what she remembered about my diagnoses - she just said "I don't know." When I pressed her she said: Kelly, I had six kids, you where the 3rd to be diagnosed. Your dad had had a heart attack 3 years earlier and had lost his business three years before that. Right before you were diagnosed, Debbie was getting sicker. I just remember being scared and sad for my little girl.

And the moment those words crossed her lips- I felt sad and scared for that little girls mother.

My dad's dead, and so is my sister- so I can't ask them.
My two oldest siblings had already moved out of the house when I was diagnosed. One had started her own family and the other had moved to California.

The two siblings that were still in High School at the time, described the house as being in CHAOS - and not just because of my Diabetes. My sister Cathy told me that she blocked a lot of that time out.

When I told my friend what I was doing and why she said: Listen Kelly, if you don't find what and who your looking for, don't be upset- it was a long time ago.

Yes, it was a long time ago- but so many moments seem like yesterday...And so many moments are still missing.

Diabetes Always

Diabetes ALWAYS makes me have to think about EVERYTHING...

And Diabetes keeps me thinking on my feet – in order to protect them.

Diabetes ALWAYS makes this Litt Major grad do math- whether I want to or not.

Necessary numbers swirl around my world in a dizzying array every single day

And the calculations NEVER stop.

Diabetes can be scary – if you think too much – or too little about it.

Diabetes has made me laugh- like when my pump tubing gets caught on a doorknob

Diabetes has made me say OUCH out loud – like when my pump tubing gets caught on a doorknob.

Diabetes has made me cry.

Diabetes has been known to leave me exasperated, like when I test and bolus accordingly and Blood Sugar Nirvana eludes me for no real reason except because it can.

Diabetes unfortunately, is a family affair.

Diabetes has given me a wonderful extended family.

Diabetes makes me play both defense AND offense – instead of just playing.

Diabetes is both my "Achilles Heel” and my passion.

And Diabetes is ALWAYS on the tip of my tongue~

Whether it’s to inform, educate, ADVOCATE and make others laugh and learn - Or to treat a low.

Sometimes all of the above occurs at the same time – and I ALWAYS deal with it.

Diabetes ALWAYS IS

And ALWAYS will BE

Unless we CURE DIABETES.

Way Back Wednesday-Blood Sugar Nirvana First Reference ~

So I'm spending my day at University of Penn Hospital while my mom gets her Defibrillator battery changed. YES- I'm freaking out more than just a bit, BUT I'm hoping and praying that Defibrillator/Pacemaker Nirvana will indeed be reached. ALL POSTIVE PRAYERS & VIBES MUCH APPRECIATED.

Since I occasionally write about "Blood Sugar Nirvana" on this blog and use the term daily, I thought I'd post a way back Wednesday piece when "Blood Sugar Nirvana" first entered the Diabetes blogosphere.

The following originally posted on December 21, 2007. Diabetesaliciousness was just over a month old. Hope you enjoy it!

Tonight I hit the blood sugar bulls eye and achieved Blood Sugar Nirvana.

Let's face it, the little victories in life can really make you smile.

I love thin crust pizza from a Place Called SLICE in South Philly. I eat healthy dinners 7 nights a week, but about twice a month, and usually on a Sunday, I indulge and call SLICE.
They deliver a little piece of heaven in the form of a small pie, straight to my door.

Tonight my fridge was empty, I was tired after running around all day, and I gave them a call.

SLICE'S Florentine pie is tasty, loaded with garlic and smothered with extra spinach, ricotta, mozzarella, and tomatoes. The crust is crispy thin, crunchy and delicious. Perfect for dipping in extra virgin olive oil and hot peppers flakes. I could be very specific and describe all my favorite pies from SLICE in Epicurean like detail, but let's just stick to the pizza at hand.

Anyway, I took my blood sugar - 107 thank-you very much, and guesstimated my carb intake to be 45 . I plugged the info into my pump & the Bolus Wizard told me I need 3.5 units to cover my 2 slices. I bolused away and grabbed a plate.

Two hours later, I took my blood sugar and it was 160. PERFECTO!!!! I did it!

I'D HIT THE BLOOD SUGAR BULLS EYE AND MADE IT MY BITCH!

OK....Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I had achieved Blood Sugar Nirvana. I bolused, enjoyed an unusually high carb meal, and 2 hours later my BS was well on its way to normal.

I placed the leftover pizza in saran wrap and tin foil, put it in a Tupperware container and placed it in the freezer. Tomorrow, I 'd go back to eating healthy....But tonight I was basking in the light of 2 perfect slices and Blood Sugar Nirvana.

Dear John and Jane Q. Public:

Dear John and Jane Q. Public:

HEY, Kelly Kunik here.

How goes things in your world?

My world is interesting, especially in November.

This note is just a quick heads up that November is American Diabetes Month.

So why not take a moment and learn a few diabetes facts.

I’ll even give you a few to help you start on your “Diabetesalicious” journey.

1. Diabetes is NOT the person with Diabetes fault- in any way, shape or form
2. You can’t catch Diabetes from another person
3. Insulin is not a cure
4. Living with Diabetes is forever. 24X7, 365 days a year. With no time off for good behavior or numbers
5. Insulin pumps don’t mean that the person wearing the pump is free from blood sugar testing and or Diabetes
6. When a person with diabetes takes their insulin/blood sugar in a restaurant, don’t write a letter to the Editor to complain about it. Instead, put yourself in the PWD’s position for just one minute- and be glad it’s not you
7. Refrain from saying offensive phrases such as:

“It could be worse”

“What the hell did you eat to make your blood sugar go up!?”

“You brought this on yourself”

“You have Diabetes because your mother ate to much sugar in the womb.”

“Can you have kids?”- FYI, don’t be surprised if I ask you what your sperm count/number of eggs dropped in your last cycle was right on the spot!

Seriously- statements like that not only get my nose (and other PWDs) bent out of joint in the figurative sense- but could seriously result in you getting your nose bent out of joint in the literal sense.

8. Don’t look at people with Diabetes with pity. We don’t need your pity, we need you to understand our disease and we need your compassion regarding it, but we don’t need or want your pity.

There are things that you can do this month that would help people with Diabetes.

1. You could Donate to a Diabetes Org or research for the cure.
2. You could take some time to learn about Diabetes realities, which would really help to dispel all those silly Diabetes Myths
3. If diabetes runs in your family, you could be brave, bite the bullet and get tested.
4. You could take a moment to tell the person (s) with diabetes in your life:

GOOD JOB! I know how hard you work everyday.

TRUST ME- they’d love to hear it!

So, let’s keep in touch- and lets continue to keep the Diabetes lines of communication open!

Love,

Kelly Kunik

A Person With Diabetes

Let's Get This D Party Called American Diabetes Month Started!!

Writing this post made my head-spin- in a good way!

So November is American Diabetes Month and November 14^th is WORLD DIABETES DAY. That’s the day when the whole world goes batty and celebrates all things and people related to diabetes.

This is the month where Diabetes is supposed to be in the news daily and diabetes myths are supposed to be debunked by the media. OK- lets keep our fingers crossed that the media actually gets the facts of our disease right.

Those of us living with Diabetes everyday are even more vocal during this month. We take our diabetes cause to the street and across the informational highways and byways, talking about a disease that we’ve become both intimate with and an expert at living with.

It’s ironical that BLUE is the color of choice for National Diabetes Month and World Diabetes Day, because like many, National Diabetes Month makes me both happy and sad.

I’m happy that our disease is being recognized and that our voices as both patients and PWDs are being heard. All of us work hard at managing our disease, and it’s given us wisdom and empathy, But It’s still bittersweet.

Our friend Scott Johnson said what many of us were feeling in his post yesterday: It Cuts Both Ways. To quote Scott: "Living with diabetes is no way to live. Yes, things could always be worse. But living the way we have to live is hard, and it is never ending." AMEN BROTHER.

Still- like Scott and many others, I choose to acknowledge the bittersweet and then celebrate all of our lives this month and every month! Each of us has confronted many diabetes battles including; the physical, the mental, and the Idiot factor that diabetes brings to our world daily. We should be celebrated & commended for our fabulousity - DAILY!

Lots of "Diabetesalicious" things are going on this November that celebrate both our disease and community. I plan on mentioning events and sites whose diabetes info lands in my mailbox and hope to participate as well.

Here are a just few events to start your D Party rolling.

The ADA launches a new movement today called STOPDIABETES.COM. The site hopes to engage people whose lives are affected by diabetes (their own or a loved one or family member - or even risk for type 2 diabetes) and ask them to join the movement by taking an action, sharing their story, participating in an event, etc.

For every person who shares their story, $5 will be donated to the American Diabetes Association. Check it out!

On Saturday November 7^th Gold’s Gym is taking the fight for Diabetes global and is hosting a “Burn-a-thon” in every Gold’s Gym location around the world! All locations will be open to the general public to participate in this record-setting calorie-burning event. Gold’s Gym has partnered with the ADA to set a world-record goal of burning 180 million calories in 24 hours, to demonstrate the need to “do a 180” on the diabetes epidemic.

Gold’s and the ADA hope to raise awareness about diabetes, while spreading the world that exercise is KEY in managing type 1 and type 2 diabetes.

Fitness Pros will be on hand to demonstrate the equipment and consumers can utilize calorie-burning charts so they decide how many calories they would like to “pledge.” The ADA’s Burn-a-thon page is HERE.

And FYI- if you’re a PWD, there’s special discounted gym membership for you on the Gold’s Gym website: http://www.goldsgym.com/ada/.

I’m sure by now, everyone has heard about The BIG BLUE TEST On World Diabetes Day.

Eight diabetes communities (TuDiabetes, Children With Diabetes, Diabetes Daily, Diabetic Connect, Diabetic Rockstar, dLife, Juvenation and My Diabetes Central) & Twitter are calling on ALL people with diabetes to test their blood sugar, exercise for 14 minutes, test again and share their results on Nov. 14, 2009. The time is local time, 2 pm wherever YOU live.

This is a chance not only to do something positive for your community- but to do something positive for yourself as well! PLUS- all the cool PWDs are doing it! ;)

Two Bloggers that I know of are raising funds by doing something by doing something as simple as blogging!

After Rachel over at "Tales of My Thirties" saw the success that Hotfessional had at raising money cancer via blog comments for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Rachel ran with the concept and is pledging 0.25¢ (up to $200) for every comment posted on her blog in November and is donating the proceeds to iPump. Read all about it HERE!

For every individual Page View she receives on World Diabetes Day November 14^{th ,} Taking Control of Your Diabetes, she will donate 0.25¢- up to $100. Checkout her Blog Project here!

LeeAnn over at the Butter Compartment has followed Rachel’s lead and for EVERY comment her blog receives in the month of November, LeeAnn will donate 0.25¢ to the Behavioral Diabetes Institute. You can read about LeeAnn’s challenge HERE.

Maybe you've decided to take the diabetes bull by the horns and get YOUR diabetes under control! Maybe part of your plan to make that happen is to find a new Endo but your not sure how.

The Diabetes Resource.com has a Directory where you can find a new Endo HERE.

More Diabetes Month and World Diabetes Day fabulousity to follow!