If I were a cupcake, I'd be vanilla coconut.
If I were a band, I'd most likely be a "bittersweet symphony", with a rocker edge and copious sides of Mama Cass, The Beatles, Crowded House, Prince, Lincoln Park, Annie Lennox, madonna, GaGa, Nellie McKay, Mary J. Blige, Pink, Foo Fighters & The Beastie Boys thrown in for good measure.
If I had a hammer, there's a good chance I'd hit the nail on my hand instead of the nail in my hand - And you bet your sweet ass I'd curse like a sailor!
If I were a dancer, I still wouldn't be tiny and my performance would most definitely turn into a comedy of errors.
If I had a dog, I would love it very much.
If I were a movie, I'd most likely be a dramady.
And If I had wings, there's a good chance my feet would never touch the ground.
If I were to meet you on the street, there's more than a good chance that I'd give you a hug.
Except when you have the nerve to send me a blog comment that blames people for their diabetes and then you don't even have the courage (or the cojones) to sign your name.
So I mark your comment as spam and immediately write you a response & post it on my blog since your nom de'plume is Anonymous.
And it reads a little something like this.
Dear Anonymous -
If you're going to leave an offensive comment about my people on my blog, than have the courage to leave your name and stand behind your idiotic and offensive words.
Don't blame people for something you obviously know so little about.
Don't point fingers and say that it's "their own fault" while preaching magic elixirs and cures, stomach stapling and self esteem.
Don't try and divide my family up into types, because while we're all part of different diabetes family branches, we're still all part of the same diabetes family.
If I could meet you in person, I'd tell you all this and then some.
I'd tell you that until you walk in a person with diabetes shoes (regardless of the type,) you have no right to make character assignations or pass judgement on people living with diabetes.
You're not God, nor are you the guru of all things pancreatic and the master of metabolism & all things autoimmune related.
You're just some schmuck with an opinion.
I'm not blaming your lifestyle choices for being a complete moron, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to convince me that other peoples choices are what's causing their diabetes.
Every person with diabetes has a different story to tell.
How dare you assume to know those stories without bothering to get to know the people behind THEM.
Then I'd tell you why I chose NOT to publish your incredibly offensive comment is because the very act of putting your diabetes myths into print (for all who Google to see,) perpetuates those diabetes myths & stereotypes - And that's just not how I roll~
I'd end it by saying that DIABETES IS NOT A ONE SIZE FITS ALL DISEASE & that you need to stop perpetuating diabetes myths and stereotypes and take the time to learn the diabetes realities!
And then I might say something like: BITE ME.
And then I'd wash my hands of you.