Thursday, May 17, 2012

#DBlogWeek Day Four: It's All About My Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine ~

Today's #Dblogweek Subject is all about creating our Fantasy Diabetes Device/Dream Machine.
So when I first saw the subject matter, I immediately thought that my fantasy diabetes dream would be having a pancreas that actually, you know... WORKED.
Which basically would = A CURE. 

Photo courtesy of the Western Wisconsin JDRF
But then I was like, I actually need working (or in my case existing) Islet of Langerhans, Since my Islet of Langerhans area was shot to shit long ago. 
Again,that would = A CURE. 

See Islet of langerhans visual below. 
Islet of Langerhans cluster courtesy of

But it's all about my Fantasy Diabetes Dream machine, machine being the operative word. 
SO, if I were to design an actually mechanical Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine, 
it would would sound a little something like this. 
My Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine would be small, and by small I mean it would be super small, like no bigger than a face on a watch  or maybe a 50 cent piece. 
OK, no bigger than 2 inches long by 1 inch wide & 1/10 of an inch thick. 
A small face on a watch/50 cent piece/ 2 inch by 1 inch, 1/10 of an inch thick in size and completely wireless, Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine that would be a combo insulin pump/cgm and whole bunch of other stuff. 
It would be capable of not only give me insulin delivery whenever I needed, but would also continuously take and record my blood sugar with 110% accuracy, every 15 minutes and notify and automatically suspend insulin immediately whenever I was low. 
Hey now, that kind of sounds a little like the Artificial Pancreas!

Anyway, my Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine would have a singular battery that lasted at least 5 years ( FYI: defibrillator batteries last even longer,) and would automatically recharge via a small solar chip - Just in case something happened to my 5 year battery.
 My FDDM (Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine) would allow for all types of settings including, but not limited to:
1. Automatic bolus/carb calculation and settings for various basal rates, including cyclical algorithms for the different seasons, all holidays and when I had my period. 
2. A built-in insulin cooling system so that during heatwaves and tropical vacations I would never have to worry about my insulin reaching its "bake rate" and going skunky.
3. It would be both waterproof and pressure proof so I could wear it while scuba diving of the Amalfi Coast and wouldn't smash no matter how clumsy I may or may not be. 
4. Automatic Dead Spot Detector so that I (WE) could avoid them all together and never have Deadspot absorption issues again.  
 5. Would automatically input GPS coordinates so that whenever I got lost, (I'm directionally challenged,) I could find my way back on track, both geographically and diabetically speaking. 
The GPS feature would also allow me to find my D Dream Machine when when I misplace it.

6.  Unlimited anytime minutes for not only phone calls and texting,(and be connected to my iPhone) but cupcakes as well. 
7. Speaking of iPhones, it would contain my iTunes library and earbud plug-in capabilities so that when I worked out, I wouldn't have to bring my ipod - Just my ear buds.
8. Built in wind machines and the ability to make me look like I was walking in slow motion while playing the appropriate music (I'm thinking maybe 'Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Sabotage," "American Woman" or "Us Amazonians," but I'm open to suggestions ) whenever I really wanted to make an entrance. 
Hey - It's my Fantasy Diabetes Dream Machine - I can make it do whatever I want!  


Anonymous said...

I love your vision here, and your attention to detail, but I just can't stop staring at that creepy cartoon pancreas. Easily the most terrifying thing I've seen all week.

Sara said...

I don't want that device unless you can guarantee me that #8 is included!

shannon said...

what sara said. badass!

Unknown said...

Oh man....I totally want one, and I don't even have diabetes! Love the headphones and movie style entrance features!!!

Tina Shaye C said...

I want one!!!!!