Sunday, September 22, 2013

Dear Mom: The Best Parts of Me Are The Best Parts Of You~

I love this picture of my mother so much- It shows the light both in her and on her.
She was taking a limo up to see her grand-daughter perform in an off B'way production with
her lunch lady crew -
Photo courtesy of my iPhone~
Dear Mom  - 
Tomorrow, September 23rd, marks 2 years since you left us and I think about you every, single day - And I miss you terribly.
 That first 18 months were a whirlwind and I didn’t know wether I was coming or going -  
The loss of you, the sale of your house - the division of your things - It was like my heart was being broken again every day. 
My heart ached and I cried daily for 18 months - And when I thought I didn't have any tears left, I proved myself wrong.
But, I also felt your strength daily - And I still do - And it is your strength and hope that  makes me strong and makes me do what you always taught us: To pick ourselves up by our boot straps, move on and be positive. 

As of late, the past 6 months, I’ve found myself having moments of such clarity and resolve - And I know in those moments, you were right beside me - Your strength flowing through me and making my own strength stronger. 
Those best parts of you - Helping me when I need it most - 
The best parts of me are truly the best parts of you. 
 And I see and hear the best parts of you in your children and grandchildren, I hear and see your smile in my sister, Cathy -And that warms my heart. 
 And your light continues to shine for all of us and in us - And I’m so God damned thankful for that, mommy. 

Tomorrow is the day, exactly 2 years  since your passing - And like always, you will be on my mind and in my heart. 
But wonderful things are happening tomorrow -  Positive and great things that I know would/ and are making you smile and bringing you great joy. 

Not so subtle things that are you and the universe's way of telling me that you know exactly what’s going on in all of our lives - And are happy. 

So taking your lead, because you were the perfect purveyor of ALWAYS seeing the glass half full, I'm going to focus on the positives tomorrow and take them as a sign from you that you know exactly what’s going on. 

Positive Things like:
I was asked to attend and speak on a panel at the World Congress on Patient Advocacy and Engagement, the first day of which starts tomorrow - And to me that was a little wink and a smile from up above. 
You letting me know that you’re watching and smiling and are right there with me - I plan on making you & my DOC proud. 
I plan on spending tomorrow and Tuesday focusing outward and focusing on ways to help others.

Truly amazing things like: 
The fact that tomorrow, Cristin Makes her season debut on the season premier of  “How I Met Your Mother.” 
And I know it’s not a coincidence that it airs tomorrow - A day that normally makes me cry, will now bring me ( and all those who love and miss you,) great joy and happiness.

You, who were always her biggest fan and fellow performing artist - The Matriarch who instilled the love of the Arts to every single one of her children and grandchildren, is letting us know that you are watching her from above - 
Just like when she was nominated for a Tony - And the awards aired the night of your birthday. 
Both lovely gifts in the form of calendar dates that represent the very essence of the lovely Marjory K.  

So on this day before the 2 anniversary of your passing, I want you to know how incredibly grateful I was to have you as my mother, my mentor and my friend.
How I will do my best to make you proud, today, especially tomorrow and every day, and perpetuate all the good that you brought to the world. 

Mom  - I love you so much - And miss you  - But I feel your presence, strength and love every day. 
Love you~

Sometimes a piece of music stops you in your tracks because it communicates exactly how you feel when you hear it. When I first heard  Poe’s “If You Were Here,” from the amazing ‘Haunted’ CD, daddy had just passed and the whole album, not to mention the song, hit the nail on the head re: my feelings. 
 And now I especially think of you mom, whenever I hear or read the following lyrics. 

“I know that you would
Truly be amazed
At what's become of what you made
If you were here
You would know how I treasured every day
How every single word you spoke
Echo's in me like a memory of hope

When you were here
You could not feel the value that I placed
One every look that crossed your face
When you were here
I did not know just how I had embraced
All that you hid behind your face
Could not hide from me
'Cause it hid in me too

Now that I'm here I hear you and wonder if maybe you can hear yourself
Ringing in me now that your somewhere else.

'Cause I hear your strange music gentle and true
Singing inside me with the best parts of you
Now that I'm here
I love you...”


Cara said...


Unknown said...

Hugs to you.

Scott S said...

What a great post!!

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

{{{{{hugs}}}}} KK. Been almost 12 years for me since my mom died, it never goes away but time helps. What a beautiful tribute :)

Shara said...

This is a very touching post - any mother would love it.

Karen said...

Keeping you in my thoughts today!!

Gina said...

Our mothers smile down on us every day. I am sure of it. What a beautiful post.