It's Been A Minute

Hey there DOC peeps  - it's been a minute. Ok, it's been millions of minutes  - and I'm sorry about that. 

I've missed you DOC, SO MUCH. I'm sorry for mostly lurking for these millions of minutes. Life hit the fan post Covid, life wise, job wise, burnout in all dimensions wise.  

I started a job outside advocating that wasn't for me - after 14 months, we parted ways this past February. Timing wise, I lost my oldest sister with diabetes the day before my initial interview in 2022, her husband passed this past October. I'll share what happened to my sister in another post - her story deserves it's own post - actually, more than 1 post. 

I tore my planter fascia medial band in half on my Diaversary this past October and It hurt like hell. 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND. Was on crutches for the first 6 weeks, followed by PT, plus another week of crutches due to Turf Toe, stage 1 (thanks to rain-boots lacking support and a puckered sidewalk, causing my big toe to hyper-extend on the same planter fascia  foot,) the week before Easter.

Then a pinched nerve made an appearance on the same foot.

Continue to heal and my foot-ware currently alternates between Hoka’s and recovery clogs.  It's been a process. 

A lot of 4 steps forward, 2 steps back - which is exactly what the doctor told me the recovery would be like back in October.

What has all of the above taught me? Oh hey, thanks for asking. 

1. Life can change in a minute and holding on to your resilience isn't easy - it's fucking hard and takes work - no matter what aspect of your life you find yourself requiring resilience in. 

There are times when standing back up takes everything you have - especially when all you want to do is put the covers over your head and stay in bed. No matter how many times we stumble and fall, getting back up is key.

2. No matter how many people you lose in your life, losing them hurts. Even if your relationship was no longer what it once was…or what you wished it could have been.

3. Continually remind yourself of the good qualities that you possess, OFTEN. Recognize them. Celebrate them. Celebrate yourself.

4. Burnout is real. Diabetes burnout is real. Burnout in all dimensions is real. When it rains it pours and sometimes multiple types of burnout can hit at the same time. 

5.The diabetes online community is a constant beacon, a light that illuminates - even when you have to take a step back for a while - it's always there - igniting the way forward...and home - and reigniting your advocacy spark.  

Dinner And A Diabetes Hypothetical ~

One of my closest friends in the world and I had dinner the other night. 

We talked about all sorts of things - Our lives; the shit show that is American politics, stupid people, and the complexities of the the endocrine system — including my diabetes.

My Friend: So hypothetically speaking and in an alternative universe/perfect world, if you were to eat the exact same food, the exact same amount of food, at the same time each day and do the same activity two days in a row, and not factoring in hormones, stress, etc.,  because alternative/perfect universe, your blood sugars should be the same two days in a row… right? 

Me: Hypothetically speaking, if the queen had balls she’d be king. 

And yes, “hypotherically speaking and in an alternative universe/perfect world," if I were to eat the same food, and the exact amount of said food, at the same time of day, and did the same amount of activity two day in a row. And not factoring in hormones; stress, hydration, heat, cold, the common cold, the alignment of the planets, which way the wind is blowing, tide charts and a boatload of other variables, because alternative universe/perfect world - my blood sugars should be the same - or at least in the same ballpark as they were the day before. 

But that’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this (and by THIS, of course I mean diabetes), works. Because diabetes is never the same disease two days in a row and as we know, diabetes is a fickle bitch. 

My Friend: And because that would be too fucking easy. 

Me: EXACTLY. Also, in an alternative universe/perfect world - I would have a perfectly functioning pancreas and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

My Friend: True. But we'd still be drinking Prosecco.

Me: YOU KNOW IT. 

ALSO: Is it any wonder that we’re friends? 

Go With Your Gut - And Use A Damn Step Stand.

Today's (OK, tonight's post,) post isn't necessarily diabetes related, but it is health related. Also: Go with your gut - even if you think you're overreacting and it's probably nothing.  
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Last Thursday night I was in my kitchen, getting the ingredients together to make blackbean and sweat-potato soup. 
It was the first N’orester of the season, the wind was howling and the rain was falling - it was definitely the night to make fresh soup and and stay in. 
The black beans were rinsed, the sweet potatoes were cubed, the veggies were cut and all I needed was my favorite soup pot - which was perched on the top shelf.

It was my own damn fault. I should have reached for the step stand to reach my favorite soup pot on the tippy-top of the shelf. 
Sidebar & Visual Aide: I have a four tiered shelving unit that is home to all my cooking supplies. 
In the summer I put the big old pots, the ones that are used for making soups, stews, and sauces on the very top shelf because during the summer I’m all about summer salads.   
Anyway, I was feeling groovy and felt the need to stretch out my limbs.
And as I mentioned, fav soup pot was nestled inside an even bigger pot on the tip-top shelf. 
And while I managed to grab onto the innards of the first pot with both hands, favorite soup pot started to wobble and as I moved away from the shelf, said fav soup pot came careening down down and landed squarely on the top of my foot.
It hurt like a motherf*cker and I swear to God I saw stars, felt nauseous, and screamed bloody murder all at the same time. I could feel the color drain from my face and I stood there crying like a baby. 
Then, I got it together and checked for any damage. I took of my sock off and examined/ wiggled my aching foot. It moved in all directions - it ached on one part, where a very faint and not so big bruise was taking shape. 
Since I bruise if you look at me wrong, I wasn’t overly concerned and fully expected it.
And like the trooper I am, I took my second favorite soup pot ( because I was no longer on speaking terms with the offending favorite soup pot,) wiped the inside out with a clean dishtowel, threw some EVOO into the pot and started sautéing onions, veggies, garlic and spices. 
15 minutes later my soup was simmering and I was icing my foot - which I continued to do for 24 hours. 
Cut to the weekend: My foot didn’t feel any worse nor was there copious amounts of bruising .... but it didn’t feel any better, either. And that itself was really weird - that didn't feel right.
Also weird, my foot felt better when I was wearing shoes than when I wasn’t. 
Yesterday morning my foot still hurt and even though it was probably nothing and I was most likely over reacting, I called my Ortho...just in case. 
I kept telling myself that it was better to spend $50 on a specialist co-pay and have it be nothing then to not go and have it end up being something. 

Here's the thing: IT wasn’t nothing. IT was most definitely something - something that's normally very hard to see on an X-ray and involves my navicular bone, and which according to my Dr., is an incredibly tough bone to crack - unless of course, you happen to be me.
Turns out I either have a stress fraction or a bone contusion of said navicular bone and I need to go back on Tuesday for another X-ray and to find out if it’s 2 weeks in a brace or 5 weeks. 
The brace itself looks nothing like a brace. It’s a malleotrain mesh flexible support brace. It's gray and purple and looks like a compression sock sans the toe part and with silicone banding in it - I can  wear it under normal socks and with my asics gels or my dressy flat leather boots. 
I can get from here to there, I can drive ( yep, it’s my gas peddle foot,) and I can go out to dinner with friends. 
But I need to rest said foot. No exercise - lots of sitting and no standing when I can sit, and no high heels. 
I’m not thrilled and I will admit to being upset to the point of tears yesterday.  
But a day makes all the difference and I know it could be worse. 
I have 2 friends battling cancer right now and another friend with a badly broken foot - I am counting my blessings, keeping my fingers crossed and doing exactly what the Dr. tells me.
I have no choice but to make the best of it - I have to make it work. 
I have a lot to do and travel plans in November, so the fact that it happened now is better than if it happened then.

So why am I sharing? 

Because this injury didn’t come with a lot of bruising, I could bear weight on my foot, walked around and had great bloodsugars all weekend, but my bone was still injured.
And if I hadn't gone to the Dr., I would have found out later, when the bone actually broke. 

So if something doesn’t feel right, go with your gut and get it checked out.

And for God sakes, use a step stand!

Fun At The Fall Festival

Because I love the Fall Festival - And I love friends who encourage me to get moving and love me even if I don't.  And I've learned as of late that it's OK to go with the flow and indulge in the bolus worthy without going totally batshit and making myself feel guilty~
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Over the weekend my town had their yearly Fall Festival. Two days of fun in the sun and  on a main drag that was shut down to cars,( except for yummy food trucks,) and filled with a quarter a mile of booths from local and not so local artists, businesses and the likes there of. 
There were kiddie rides and dunking booths, a beer garden and a stage for live bands. 
And there was a hell of a lot of walking, laughing, eating and drinking going on. 

The festival was a place where you could literally run into old friends you haven’t seen in years and make new ones because they were standing next to you- and everyone has a great time. 
Between you and me, I LOVE the Fall Festival - even though it means saying so long to summer. 
And also between you, me, and the interwebz, with the encouragement of some friends this summer (you know who you are,) I’ve worked very hard to get moving again and eat cleanly 80 % of the time. 
The steroid weight I gained from May’s severe upper respiratory infection from hell, was taking it’s own time leaving my person and it was frustrating and depressing.
So when I finally got my ass back on the scale last week after a 4 week break from my weekly weigh-in, I saw that the scale was going in the opposite direction and that I’d lost 6 pounds. Yep, I was thrilled!
But back to the festival:  I spent all afternoon and into the evening on Saturday, at the Festival with friends. We walked for hours, laughed even longer, and dined on foods weren't all low in carbs.
Lunch was a grilled Kobe Cheese Dog, loaded with ketchup, onions and mustard  - and it was the first hotdog I’d had in maybe a year. 
It was made from Kobe beef, so it was healthier than most hotdogs and it was delicious. 
Then we sampled spicy hot pickles (FREE FOOD,) and enjoyed copious amounts of maple and cocoa covered almonds. 
Dinner included fresh mussels in a fantastical red sauce that was loaded with garlic and accompanied by fresh baked Italian bread and immediately followed by a slice of gourmet pizza that was piled high with veggies and washed down with 2 glasses of Cabernet. 
I didn’t worry about the calories or the carbs, I checked my blood sugar and bolused accordingly - and I enjoyed myself.
I reminded myself that I’d walked for hours that afternoon and had participated in a three hour yoga meditation workshop the night before. 
I also told myself that continuing to move and being flexible when it came to food was working for me - And that everyone needs and deserves to live in the moment every now and then - and even if they have diabetes. 

So did my blood spike after the pizza and even with the temporary basal rate? 
Of course it did, but it went down again with a correction bolus. 

Do I regret my food choices I made at the Fall Festival? Nope, not a bit. 

But DAMN if I'm not still craving those delicious mussels in that fantastical garlicky red sauce ;) 

Wordless Wednesday: An Unexpected Smile~

In case you needed something or someone to make you smile today~

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#tbt: Calling All Midvale School For The Gifted, Alum~

The following #tbt post was originally published on 2/14/08.  

Here's the thing, in life and life with diabetes, we all push when we should have pulled every now and then - we are imperfectly perfect - and that's OK. 

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Calling all Midvale Alum

One of my favorite"Far Side" cartoons ever!

Reminds of me of this life of mine at times. While I'm an excellent dancer when the music is on, I'm a bit clumsy in real life...on occasion. Sometimes the blatantly obvious, is not so very for those of us who are Midvale alum.

For instance.....I've actually put my my pump battery in backwards and then wondered why "the damn thing wouldn't work!"

I've walked into, and almost through a screen door - with coffee in hand. No damage to the screen, but I ended up wearing my coffee.

I've put my test strip in the machine upside down and then wondered where the area was to place my drop of blood.

Once, in High School when I was deep in conversation with my 3 best buds, I actually walked smack into Stop sign because I was enthralled over my friends latest escapades, I looked at them instead of looking ahead. I don't know which hurt more, my head or my pride.

I used to give my insulin shots through my clothes to save time - andto secretly impress my friends. 

Of course, only when I was wearing white or some other light color, would a drop of blood decide to appear. Ironically it never once happened when I was wearing black, purple, or blue.

We all know about pump tubing and doorknobs. It's a global issue, nuff said.

I won't even tell you how I broke my arm a few years ago. Let's just say it involved preventing a cordless phone from falling down a flight of 16 steps - by blocking its descent at the top of the stairs,
I inadvertently caused myself to fall and ended up at the bottom.

We all push when we should pull at times, but we learn and move forward just the same.
It's very similar to dealing with our Diabetes. Just when we think we know it all about this disease, it throws us curve ball or two, forcing us to learn yet another set of rules regarding the Big D.
And we do, because we can....And because we must.

Wordless Wednesday: Even On the Grayest of Days, The Sun Is Still There....

It's just hiding behind the clouds. 
Eventually it reveal itself from the silver linings
and says hello - And sometimes "see you tomorrow" at the same time~

Spinning Like A Top & Monday August 26th is A Special Edition Diabetes Art Day: The #StripSafely Edition

OK, it's been a crazy week in Kelly's world and I'm so sorry for being somewhat MIA in the D blog-O-sphere. 
But when opportunities present themselves as several short term freelance work projects, diabetes or not - You have to go for them - even if they cause temporary chaos in your world in all dimensions - Including schedules, sleep, and clean laundry.  
Next week marks the end short term work projects I was recruited for - and things will go back to normal. And I'll miss the craziness, because even with all the chaos. Being crazy busy is a blessing. 
Crazy busy is a good thing - even when it makes you spin like a top. Spinning is a from of cardio, right? So spinning like a top should totally make me burn calories an lower blood sugars, right?? 

Ironically and not so ironic, diabetes has been cooperating - except for few nasty lows and a couple highs.
Making diabetes work in our schedules is a continual challenge and sometimes it's damn annoying!
But making diabetes work into busy and every changing schedules is doable - It just requires a lot of glucose testing. 
Speaking of glucose testing, Monday August 26th Marks a special Diabetes Art Day - The StripSafely Edition.  Clink on the previous links and learn all about it - And also see some inspiring Dart!! 
And gather up your used tests trips, teststrip bottles, test strip boxes, and create something based on your feelings regarding glucose testing, accuracy & everything else in between! Also, art takes many mediums so if you find yourself low on tests trips - Draw a picture or write a poem about your feelings and dust them with whatever used teststrips you have. 
I for one welcome a little art therapy - And I need it! Embrace your inner Picasso and go for it!