42

ME
Photo Cred: @sweetercherise

42 years ago today and bright and early in the morning, my parents drove me to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia - after what seemed like hours, I was diagnosed with T1 Diabetes. 

Some things I remember vividly, many things I don’t remember at all. 

Life changed that day and I can’t go back, nor can I spend much time wondering about the what-ifs. 

I embrace being the girl who lived and I’m working hard on becoming the woman I want to be. 

Every year since Diabetesaliciousness began, I’ve written a list of things that I love and am grateful for on my Diaversary. 

WHY? It's a good reminder that I’m still here, still alive, and there’s so much in life to love and be thankful for.

42

1. I look fabulous in both black and jewel tones
2. My family and friends who are family 
3. Little kids laughing 
4. Rereading my favorite books for inspiration or just because 
5. Finding a new book that hits me right in the feels
6. I can still do cartwheel on the lawn and still rock a handstand underwater
7. Making homemade soup. Some people are bakers,  I’m a “soupier.” I love making soup form scratch - its my Zen time, allows me to be creative, AND I’M REALLY GOOD AT IT
8. Making soup for friends and family
9. Good Karma Hospital on Amazon Prime - I'm hooked!
10. The ocean. It makes me feel whole and I get really antsy when I’m landlocked for too long
11. October and November Skies at Sunset 
12. Traveling. I LOVE IT
13. The Diabetes Online Community - I’d be lost with you. You teach me always and bring me up when I’m feeling down. I will always fight for you and with you!
14. Diabetes Meet-ups
15. Manatees - my favorite sea mammals and I love them 
16. Atlantic City Italian Sub rolls with good butter or EVOO 
17. The Beach. See number 9 
18. Black leather boots 
19. Prosecco 
20. A nice glass of Red
21. The occasional martini
22. Daffodils
23. All spring and summer flowers 
24. My veggie garden 
25. Going to the movies 
26. Laughing from my belly
27. Nailing the cupcake carb count from a really top-notch bakery
28. My mom’s engagement ring and wedding band. Every time I wear them on my right hand I think of my parents. I love them and I miss them
29. My nieces and nephews. They own my heart 
30. Vanilla anything
31. Dark chocolate and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
32. KerryGold Butter 
33. Jewelry. Antique, family heirlooms, costume, handmade, Native American, the macaroni bracelet one of my students made me a few years ago. I LOVE JEWELRY
34. Photography. I love taking pictures - especially nature photography and candids. I'm working on my photography skills - more on that in another post
35. Photography As Art. It absolutely is and I love photographs taken by artists behind the lens
36. Music. ALL KINDS
37. Singing. I love to sing and at one time I was pretty good. I need to sing more
38. Writing
39. The sound of rain and being outside right after a storm
40. Exploring. I love to explore. Sometimes I go out on a drive, pick an unknown road/town and explore
41. Sea glassing
42. Finding treasure everyday. OK, sounds corny, but it’s been my mantra as of late.

Every day as of late I tell myself to “go out and find the treasure.” 
I’m not talking about a treasure chest filled with jewels and gold (but I’m down with that,) it’s about finding and experiencing all the good in the day and in life…. Including life with diabetes. 

Some days the treasure is right in front of me, other days it shows up in small ways and victories. And on the days when the treasure seems impossible to locate, I remind myself that there’s much joy to be found in the search. 

Low Blood Sugar Haze, With Coffee And Lemonade.

Lows are sneaky. YES, I always keep juice boxes/glucose tabs by my bed. 
Sometimes I run out of juice boxes. This would be one of those times.
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I woke up in the middle of the night a few weeks back with a "LOW, low."

Bolted upright; stumbled out of bed, through the hallway and into the kitchen. 

I immediately flipped on the light and turned on the coffee maker ( I always pre-fill both the coffee filter and water the night before,) because in my low blood sugar haze, 
I thought it was time to get up — which it was - at least as far as diabetes was concerned.

Then straight to the fridge. Open door, grab/open lemonade, gulping it down and crazy fast. Acutely aware of the desperate “glug, glug, glug, glug," that only those of us who have tried to raise a low bg quick and by drinking juice lightening fast, understand. 

BRAIN FREEZE from drinking cold lemonade too fast. 

Pour more into a 4 ounce glass from my cupboard, filling and draining twice.

“EAT 15, WAIT 15, EAT 15 WAIT 15,” plays on repeat in my head. 

The glucose meter flashes the number 52 on the screen. 

And that would be the exact moment when I smelled coffee and heard a faint hiss. 
OK, more like an extended drip. 

The coffee maker was indeed making coffee. 

I shook my head, turnoff hissing coffee maker, and wonder out loud if I’d have to toss the grounds. 

Maybe I could just… you know… turn it back on in a few hours... starting it right back up and where it left off. 

Like I do when my blood sugar drops. I stop and put "Kelly in real time" on pause, stop what I’m doing and treat… until I can switch back on… hopefully within few minutes later and right where I’d left off. 

Sitting on my kitchen bar-stool, I glare at my coffee maker and snarl: WELL THAT WAS A WEIRD NEW MOVE. 

And that "weird new move," really fucking bothered me.

It bothered me that I’d thought it was morning — which of course.. it technically it was — and it bugged the hell out of me that I thought it was 6:40 in the morning when it was actually 
4 am.

Sidebar: I can see the street lamp from my bedroom window when I get out of bed at night - I'm thinking that might have added to the whole, "me thinking it was morning," thing. 

It bothered me that I’d just wasted 3 tablespoons of Starbucks Breakfast Blend - that shit’s not cheap. 

It bothered me that I had a 9 a.m. breakfast meeting and needed to be at my best and would most likely be dealing with a low blood sugar hangover when my alarm went off in a few hours. 

The whole thing bothered me. I live by myself - I'm my go-to person for low blood sugars.  
I don't wear a CGM. 
  

I kept staring at the coffee maker until I thought I'd burn a hole through it. 

20 minutes later and starting to feeling human again. Blood sugar is 65. 
Heading in the right direction and feeling better. I grab the bottle of lemonade off the counter, taking one last, long, gulp. 
Put the cap back on tight (but still allowing for quick access,) and take meter and lemonade back to my room. 

I stretch out on my bed, turning over on my right side and place the bottle carefully on the floor. I run my left arm over the side of and reach my arm out into the dark - my hand brushes the neck of the bottle. 

I let out a sigh. If needed, safety is within arms reach and at my fingertips.

15 minutes and one last check. #Bgnow 82.

I don't remember falling asleep.

But I do remember waking up. It sucked. 

6:40 a.m. The church bell sounding alarm on my iPhone blares.
I hit mute and spy the bottle of lemonade on the floor... next to my bed... exactly where I’d left it. 

Back in the kitchen, flip open the top the coffee maker and stare down the filter. 

Yeah, there was no way I could “just turn it back on.” 

Dump the contents and start from scratch and adding a much needed extra cup. 

While it's brewing I check - blood sugar is 224. 
I give myself a combo correction/extended coffee bolus and utter: That number could have been worse. 
And in the quiet part of my brain I share with no one - I whisper internally: Actually, the whole thing could have been worse. 

I run my hands through my hair and spend a few minutes thinking about CGMs, while waiting for the coffee maker to do its thing. 

I make a cup of coffee and it is gone in 3 gulps. 
I pour another and head towards the shower. 

I arrive at my 9 a.m. breakfast on-time. I am my charming self. 

No Joke: I FUCKING SPARKLED. 

Because that’s what people with diabetes do — we fucking sparkle through the muck- we do our best and we make it look easy — most of the time and even when it isn’t.

Because we are tenacious, we are tired, and we don’t have a choice.

And at the end of that long day, I go to bed early because I need to sleep.  

#WaybackWednesday: Diabetes And The Energizer Bunny

A #WayBackWednesday pic that will hopefully make you chuckle!

I shot this pic from a rooftop terrace on the upper WestSide, Thanksgiving Day, 2011.

1. It reminded me of people with diabetes, because we keep going.. and going...and even when we don't feel like it.

2. Also, I immediately checked the status of my pump batteries...just in case! 

Sidebar: I originally posted this picture on the blog in December, 2011.

Just like people with diabetes, the Energizer Bunny keeps going...
and going...and going.

World Diabetes Day 2017: Thank You, Great Job & You Are Magnificent!

Today is world Diabetes Day - Dr. Banting's Birthday and the day when those of us living the diabetes life wear blue, educate other,s about life with D, tweet, chat, and live our lives with diabetes. 

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Diabetes is hard work, it’s never ending and what we do as people living with diabetes, goes unnoticed and under appreciated by the mass, most of the time. 

So.... 

THANK YOU & GREAT JOB. 

Seriously, THANK YOU for dealing with diabetes 365 days a year with no time off for good behavior. 

THANK YOU for pricking (and dealing with pricks, personified,) and bleeding for your diabetes health when it comes to blood sugar checks, fasting labs, and the likes there of. 

THANK YOU for dealing with insurance company bullshit on a weekly basis, fighting for you (or your loved one's coverage,) and BRAVA for making it look easy. 

YOU ROCK. 

Fantastic job counting carbs - even when you have no freaking clue and wild ass guesses, included!

Phenomenal job dealing with snarky diabetes comments from people who don’t understand. 

Diabetes burnout - you live with it, and it likes to rears its annoying and ugly head from bring us down - and it tries it’s best to keep us down. 

Getting back up can be so damn hard and there are moments when it seems like we can’t.

Thank you and great f^c$ing job for falling down seven times and getting back up eight.

MONDO job advocating, educating for yourself and others living with diabetes and doing the best you are able to do, every damn day. 

Thank you for the tremendous job you do for helping others (including myself,) in the Diabetes Online Community and in real life. 

STANDING OVATION for all your diabetes victories - big and small. 

Thank you for for inspiring others, for showing them that they are more than the number on their glucose meter or A1C. 

Thank you for showing healthcare professionals that every number has a story; word choice matters, and people with diabetes are PEOPLE first.  

YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT - never forget it! 

Diaversary: It Was 40 Years Ago Today

40 years with diabetes has gone by like "THAT!" 

I plan to hang with friends tonight and tomorrow night. Initially I wanted to throw a big 40th Diaversary party - but it's been a crazy quarter. So I've decided to celebrate throughout the year!

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14,600 days ago, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. 

It was 40 years ago, today - THAT'S CRAZY. 

Also: 40 years - W.T.F. How the heck can my diabetes be older than me?! 

So what have I learned since I was dx’d way back in 77? 

A hell of a lot and quite frankly, too much for one post. 

Diabetes has taught me to appreciate and celebrate the good days - and to acknowledge the not so great ones. 

That it’s OK to laugh at diabetes and I strongly suggest that you do - and as often as possible. 

On the flip- side, It is also absolutely OK to cry because of diabetes and I encourage it.

Keeping “it” all inside is overrated and detrimental to our mental and physical health. 

It took me almost 40 years to realize that my parents weren't mad at me - they were upset at the number on the meter. Parents, keep your game face on - kids can't differentiate.  

I discovered that diabetes guilt can be an anchor around your neck that you didn’t even know you were wearing. Get rid of that accessory, ASAP - it holds you back and keeps you down. 

Diabetes is still teaching me to choose my battles and focus my energies on things that are important.

Diabetes proved to me that I was actually good at math. 

Four decades with a busted pancreas has taught me that there are moments when you feel alone with and because of your diabetes - but that if you have a d tribe - you are never alone. 

Find your tribe and never let them go. 

Finding the Diabetes Online Community has taught and continues to teach me that my diabetes isn’t better than yours - it’s just different... and in some ways, very much the same. 

So no matter what type of diabetes you have - I got your back. 

I will stand beside you and fight for you. 

I will listen and I will defend and I will not blame. 

Life and life with diabetes has showed me that you can do everything right, and still not get the results you want - but you have to keep trying. 

Life has reinforced the fact that there are worse things than diabetes.

Things like losing your parents and the people you love.

Diabetes has shown me that words matter - and that what you say and how you say it, does indeed matter. Choose your words wisely, check your tone often.

Diabetes was the catalyst for training and developing my voice, because diabetes forced me to speak up and speak out from a young age - even when it was the last thing I felt like doing.

Diabetes made me that realize that saying “I’M HIGH,” after checking my blood sugar, can result in shocked looks from strangers. 

Also: Obviously diabetes has been a huge influence on my twisted sense of humor. 

After 40 years of life with D, my empathy skills are dialed up to 11 - and that is the gift that keeps on giving. 

And during these last 40 years, I have learned that's OK to fall down - as long as you get back up. and that ssometimes getting back requires multiple attempts. 

Finally, 40 years of living with diabetes, but mostly because I am my mother’s daughter, 
I have learned that seeing the positives in life helps you get through life..  

And every year on my diaverary, I make a list of positives and based on the Diaversary number I’m celebrating. 

here's what I came up with this year.

40 Positives

1. The color of the sky 10 minutes before the sun goes down - it’s never the same canvas and it ALWAYS takes my breath away

2. Making homemade soup - it relaxes me and clears my head 

3. Eating homemade soup

4. Clean, crispy sheets

5. Swimming in the ocean

6. Salt water  - swimming in, floating on

7. Dogs - I love dogs and dogs love me

8  Photography. I love taking pictures. Photography makes me appreciate colors and expressions, and allows me to see the little things that I might never have noticed.

9. Super sweet strawberries

10. Halloween and dressing up in costume

11. Music 

12. Not many in the DOC know this, but I love to sing. I took voice lessons for years, and in college I used to rock out on the mike. 

13. Speaking of singing, SHOW TUNES are my jam

14  Hearing/seeing my nieces and nephews sing. I love watching them perform. 

It’s in the genes and it makes me happy 

15. Nailing carb count when it comes to a crazy difficult carb meal 

16. Christmas lights

17 Clouds. CLOUDS ARE MAGIC 

18. Diabetes meet-ups - also MAGICAL 

19. The DOC. I’m damn grateful that I found the DOC in 2007 - you guys have changed my life and rocked my world

20. Diabetes technology - you’ve come a long way baby! 

Now, if we could just get the prices down!

21. My DOC and non DOC children. I don’t have bio children and that door is probably closing for good sooner rather than later- but I have amazing DOC and non DOC kids who enrich my life and make my heart happy. 
Littles, Middles, Teens, and College age. I love them, I learn from them, and I am so proud of them!

22. Children With Diabetes

23. D moms and dads who have become my friends, substitute parents, and friends for life. 

SO THANKFUL

24. The way certain shades of green make my eyes pop - Same goes for purple, turquoise, and yellow. 

25. Riding my bike on perfect day

26. Traveling - I love to travel - I need to do more of it

27. Jeans that make my ass look fantastic

28. My friends (diabetes and not,) who are family - I would be lost without them

29. Cupcakes make me happy, and for the most part - I can nail the carb count by eyeballing the circumference and thickness of the icing on the cupcake - It’s a gift, and a tasty one at that!

30. My family

31. When kismet happens

32. My parents. They are gone, I miss them terribly. 

I hate that they no longer walk this earth and the very thought of them brings me to tears. 

But I had them, they loved me, I loved them

33. Being an Aunt. No words except I love them all more than I love myself

34. Red wine, presecco, and Tito’s vodka - but not all in the same glass

35. Books. Books have been my friends since forever

36. City lights

37. Great sex and lots of it

38. The word MAGNIFICENT. It’s well… MAGNIFICENT. People don’t use the word “magnificent” nearly enough  - but I do. Learn from me. Embrace magnificent, say the word and use it often - And always let the world see how truly magnificent you are!

39. Indian Summer. Perfect weather, amazing colors and light - TRULY MAGNIFICENT, INDEED

40. Hope floats, even in the roughest of waters ~

My "Diabetes Back In The Day," Article Is Live On T1EveryDayMagic.Com !

A few months ago, the folks at T1EverydayMagic reached out to me about writing a “Diabetes Back In The Day,” article for their website. 
I was excited and proud that they asked, I’ve lived with diabetes for almost 4 decades (gulp,) and the way we treat diabetes has changed tremendously -and for the better! 
For instance and sidebar: Back in the day, we didn’t have a Lilly/Disney character called Coco the Monkey who lived with T1 diabetes! 

Going down memory lane re: my life with D, reinforced how far we’ve come in terms of diabetes tools and management. 
Diabetes is hard work - everyone single one of us living the diabetes life knows that. 
Technology is key to managing out diabetes, the D diet has become so much more user friendly over the years, and as you and I know - support makes a huge difference - THANK YOU DOC!

 Today being Thursday, as in #tbt, my article is the #tbt post on T1EveryDayMagic's Facebook page.  
Here’s the direct link to my article on the T1EverydayMagic website.
Please give a read and hope you can relate, feel free to share the post with others if you're so inclined, and thank you in advance from the bottom of my busted pancreas!

Also, be sure to check the 70s kitchen pic of my sister Debbie and I, featured in the article. I love that picture of her so much. 

 And take note of the super deluxe ponytails yours truly is rocking!

Fun At The Fall Festival

Because I love the Fall Festival - And I love friends who encourage me to get moving and love me even if I don't.  And I've learned as of late that it's OK to go with the flow and indulge in the bolus worthy without going totally batshit and making myself feel guilty~
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Over the weekend my town had their yearly Fall Festival. Two days of fun in the sun and  on a main drag that was shut down to cars,( except for yummy food trucks,) and filled with a quarter a mile of booths from local and not so local artists, businesses and the likes there of. 
There were kiddie rides and dunking booths, a beer garden and a stage for live bands. 
And there was a hell of a lot of walking, laughing, eating and drinking going on. 

The festival was a place where you could literally run into old friends you haven’t seen in years and make new ones because they were standing next to you- and everyone has a great time. 
Between you and me, I LOVE the Fall Festival - even though it means saying so long to summer. 
And also between you, me, and the interwebz, with the encouragement of some friends this summer (you know who you are,) I’ve worked very hard to get moving again and eat cleanly 80 % of the time. 
The steroid weight I gained from May’s severe upper respiratory infection from hell, was taking it’s own time leaving my person and it was frustrating and depressing.
So when I finally got my ass back on the scale last week after a 4 week break from my weekly weigh-in, I saw that the scale was going in the opposite direction and that I’d lost 6 pounds. Yep, I was thrilled!
But back to the festival:  I spent all afternoon and into the evening on Saturday, at the Festival with friends. We walked for hours, laughed even longer, and dined on foods weren't all low in carbs.
Lunch was a grilled Kobe Cheese Dog, loaded with ketchup, onions and mustard  - and it was the first hotdog I’d had in maybe a year. 
It was made from Kobe beef, so it was healthier than most hotdogs and it was delicious. 
Then we sampled spicy hot pickles (FREE FOOD,) and enjoyed copious amounts of maple and cocoa covered almonds. 
Dinner included fresh mussels in a fantastical red sauce that was loaded with garlic and accompanied by fresh baked Italian bread and immediately followed by a slice of gourmet pizza that was piled high with veggies and washed down with 2 glasses of Cabernet. 
I didn’t worry about the calories or the carbs, I checked my blood sugar and bolused accordingly - and I enjoyed myself.
I reminded myself that I’d walked for hours that afternoon and had participated in a three hour yoga meditation workshop the night before. 
I also told myself that continuing to move and being flexible when it came to food was working for me - And that everyone needs and deserves to live in the moment every now and then - and even if they have diabetes. 

So did my blood spike after the pizza and even with the temporary basal rate? 
Of course it did, but it went down again with a correction bolus. 

Do I regret my food choices I made at the Fall Festival? Nope, not a bit. 

But DAMN if I'm not still craving those delicious mussels in that fantastical garlicky red sauce ;) 

My Take On The Diabetes UnConference

Big thanks to Christel for turning advocacy into action and making The Diabetes UnConference into reality!
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The 2015 Diabetes UnConference attendees~

It’s taken me a while to wrap my head around The Diabetes UnConference and write a post for many reasons. 

1. It was emotional in all dimensions - And for some reason, it’s really hard to articulate those emotions
2. I wanted to make sure not to divulge anything remotely private because we as a group/collective (see what I did there,) decided that there would be a Social Media blackout/moratorium so that the people attending had a place to share their most private diabetes thoughts and fears 
3. There are so many wonderful posts have already been written on the subject, what could I say on the subject that hasn’t already been said?  

But every experience/voice matters - So, here's my post.  

The Diabetes UnConference was a weekend filled with rapid fire discussions on topics and emotions that all of us have have when it comes to living with diabetes.
The agenda was created by every PWD in the room and the list of topics stretched out across the wall - I kid you not. 
I tried taking notes, but early on I put my pen down and focused on listening to who was speaking and what what being shared, while observing the amazing that was happening all around me. 
 I met people who had lived with diabetes for over 50 years and I met people who had lived with diabetes for only a few months - and folks who ran the gambit in-between and I learned from every single person in the room.
FTR: I even wore my Lilly 25 year medal for the first time ever, during the sessions because if I was going to wear my diabetes bling anywhere, it was going to be in a room filled with PWDs!
And there was a hell of a lot to learn, because collectively, our group had damn near 2000 years of diabetes experience. 
Things bubbled up and came to the surface and we were able to share; listen, learn and support one another in a safe and protective environment. 
I observed people who had never been in a room with another PWD before find their tribe and their voices. 
I was able to meet people in real life that have had my back online for years and who I already considered friends. But to meet life, to hug and to hold them, to laugh with them -THAT WAS AMAZING.  
More amazing, watching friendships form and diabetes confidence bloom exponentially. 
I wish I'd had the chance to talk with everyone - but it seems that each and every conversation I had was so engaging that there wasn’t enough time! 
(Special shout out to those folks I've had some really heartfelt conversations with since the conference!) 

And every once in a while, my mind who travel back to the 2014 Medtronic Diabetes Advocate Forum, where I literally saw the light bulb go off over Christel’s head, or maybe the light bulb went off earlier, but it was the first time I saw it glimmer.   
Anyway, I was sitting in the row directly behind Christel during a discussion about peer support - and I’m totally paraphrasing here, but Christel said something like: We need to have conference for people with diabetes, and then quietly she said - An UnConference. 
And now there I was, sitting in and being part of, the first inaugural Diabetes UnConference - watching people with diabetes engage, learn, share and support one another - and my eyes started to leak, but in a really wonderful way. 
Because I had witnessed advocacy into action and was watching strangers become allies and friends and I was participating in it - talk about overwhelming!
I cried on the plane ride home - And like many others who attended the conference, I blamed the “vegas dust™,”Mike Barry. 

Here’s the thing: I keep the Vegas dust close to my heart and every once in a while, I take it out and sprinkle it like a diabetes Tinkerbell and her fairy dust when I need to feel all warm and fuzzy and to reminded myself of what went down at The Flamingo Hotel not so long ago. 
Bottom line and without giving anything away, the Diabetes UnConference was a place were people with diabetes and regardless of the type, found support in one another. 

Where everyone in the room spoke the language of diabetes fluently and with understanding - And regardless of the dialect.
And I want our dialogues to continue and I want to create/ be a part of new discussions in the process.