47

 

Me - I'm still here & I love this picture.
My hairdressing took it after a cut and color.
I don't care that my mascara is running because this photo made me happy! 

Today is my 47th Diaversary - And I'm still here. 

47 years of injections; blood sugars rollercoasters, carb counting, always having low treats on my person. 

47 years of wondering; living, laughing, dealing, (sometimes not,) continually learning; doing, becoming. 

Recognizing that diabetes is a part of me - It's a part of my life - the good, the bad - the diabetesaliciousness of it all~ 

Acknowledging that diabetes burnout is not a weakness - it's real; it can be debilitating. 

  

Diabetes can make you sad and frustrated and requires us to get back up - even when we don't want to. And while living with a chronic illness can make us resilient - resilience can be fucking exhausting. 

Reaching out for help can be hard - but we are not alone and we are worth it!

I'm thinking a lot about that little girl 47 years ago - how she missed Halloween - how her parents kept on their game faces when their hearts must have been breaking - but they never let her see it. How she tried to make them laugh at the hospital, but would cry herself to sleep that night because she was scared and sad. 

I'm thinking about both my sisters who passed from t1d complications and t1 medical negligence. I wish things had turned out differently for them... for us. 

I think about how I am the girl who lived and the woman who continues to become. 

I'm grateful for my support system. My family, my friends  - my amazing diabetes family - what all you have done and continue to do for me - I would be so incredibly lost without you!

Every year I create a Gratitude List for my Diaversary - with the number correlating with the number of years I've lived the D life. 

Cheers to number 47  - in no particular order, here's my list of some of the many things in life I continue to find joy in and be grateful for.

1. My nieces and nephews  - THEY ARE MAGNIFICENT
2. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
3. Nailing the bolus for the ginormous gelato I had last Saturday night
4. The magical properties of red lipstick
5. Hoka Bondi's  - If you know, you know. If you don't, give them a try
6. Dogs. Dogs are the best
7. Music. I'd be lost without music. Currently on rotation: Black Violin, Duran Duran, Poe, The Wonder Woman Sound Track, Anything Taylor's version 
8. Speaking of Duran Duran, INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL for my friend, G gifting me 8th row tickets to see Duran Duran last Saturday night - THEY WERE AMAZING
9. Chai Tea
10. Tea in general
11. Strong coffee with oatmilk & sugar
12. Filling up my car with Regular gas yesterday that cost $2.82 a gallon
13. Cathy & Clark
14. My friends who are family
15. A Dino's sub
16. Red and white wine
17. Smart insulins
18. Grabbing my camera and shooting
19. Walks
20. Swimming in the ocean
21. The ocean
22. Going to the movies 
23. Dinner with friends
24. Dinner with my family 
25. Nailing a carb count
26. Coming pretty damn close to nailing a carb count
27. CGM & insulin pump technology
28. Making/eating soup
29. The beach
30. Shells
31. Singing - I like to sing
32. Performing
33. Writing - I've had writer's block for a while - It finally behind me
34. Naps
35. Traveling  - I love to travel
36. Jewelry in all dimensions
37. Art
38. Photography 
39. Cooking
40. Not having to do dishes
41. Diabetes Meet-ups - They are magic!
42. The men who discovered insulin and saved millions of lives - including my own!
43. My friends kids
44. Sex
45. A night out
46. Massages 
47. YOU. Everyone in the Diabetes Community - online and off. Without your love, support, lessons, laughter  - I don't know where I'd be! THANK YOU for everything. I love you and I am so fucking grateful to have found you! 

Coronavirus: Hey DOC - How You Doing?

Hey DOC  - 

Sorry for the radio silence on the bloggo. 
Like all of you,  I’ve had a lot on my plate and much to take in with what’s going on re: the Coronavirus pandemic. 

Prepping re: supplies - as in food and filling RXs, trying to rearrange work gigs, working from home is not business as usual because life isn't business as usual.  
Focus is hard to come by as of late - FOR EVERYONE.  

I live by myself - it's been hard dealing with what's been going on alone.  
I know I’m not the only one who is struggling with feelings of isolation and loneliness.

I’m worrying. A lot. 

I worry about me, my family, my friends who are family - including my you dearest DOC. 

Worries galore and in all dimensions: Work, income, diabetes, my country-everyone else around the globe dealing with this pandemic. 

Sleep has been crappy, lack of human interactions from less than 6 to 10 feet a part has been rough - but I’m doing it - And I’m staying home as much as I can! 

Every day the news overwhelms us all more than the previous day. 

Seriously guys, this episode of Black Mirror sucks!

And yes, I’m angry and grieving because it didn't have to get to this point.

But it did. We are here.

Not that I've stated all of the above to you  - I feel better!
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE. 

Now we need to fight - some of us from our homes/home offices, others from the front lines. 

And every single one of us needs to vote in November - make sure you are registered and continue to triple check your status. 

And WE MUST stay connected and practice self-care. 

Our diabetes online community has always been leading the pack when it comes to connecting in the digital world! It’s almost like we invented it - we didn’t, but you know what I mean! 

Keep connecting! 

Tweet, write, Skype, Zoom, text, phone a friend and use all your digital lifelines on a daily basis. Pick up the phone when a loved one rings - you both will feel better!

Connecting allows us to… well, CONNECT. 
Sharing prevents us from holding it all inside. 
Being able to say things out loud to our selves and others lets us know we are being heard and that makes it easier to focus, feel much-needed normalcy 

I’ve started dividing tasks into increments of time (THANKS Team egg timer and iPhone timer,) and rewarding myself when tasks get moved to the “Completed,” pile.

I'm willing to hunker down for as long as possible and as long as I am able to work from home to stop the spread 

And I am so incredibly grateful to the healthcare workers, cashiers, restaurant workers providing takeout for the masses, grocery store and pharmacy workers, cashiers, postal employees, police, fire, and EMTs - every single person running towards the flames because it's their job. I pray for their safety every night. 

I pray for all of us to stay safe. 

When this all over, I'm hugging every single loved one, friend, and coworker tightly - I’m going to drag my friends out in the sun for drinks and good food. 

And I can't wait. 

Until then, stay safe, stay in touch and let’s stay connected! 
#WeAreInThisTogether

Xo, Kelly

When You See A Blue Candle Posted On Facebook - Consider The Family & Practice Empathy~

I know people get scared when they see blue candles - I do too. 
But please, lets remember to consider the family whose loved one the blue candle is being lit for - they are going through hell right now. 
Their hearts are broken and their lives will never be the same. Talking about a tragedy is one thing - talking is OK, but publicly judging and public speculation re: the tragedy is another. 
You're words matter, use them wisely and with compassion and empathy, in real life and on Social Media. #######
When "diabetes complications" are listed as the cause of death in a person's obituary, it is highly insensitive and inappropriate to leave questions like, "did she have a CGM, or did she wear a pump,"on the obituary link, Facebook pages,groups, and the likes there of. 
Lets keep in mind those grieving parents might actually be members those pages/groups. 

At this point in time, it is no one's business. The family is trying to make funeral arrangements, say goodbye to a daughter and sister, figure out and process how they are going to live as a family of three instead of four. 

Her sister is now processing that she is an only child. 

The family needs privacy and empathy, not  pointed questions, they have enough of their own questions to fill volumes of books.
And in time, there's a very good chance the family will go to Facebook for comfort -and those questions and the tone many of those questions were written in, will not give them comfort.
I've had people say tell me: But I want to know so it won't happen to my child/loved one - and I get it. 
But honestly, it's not about you or me and what we need to know to calm our own fears.
It's about a  family who has lost someone they love dearly and what they are going through right now, including the shock of loosing  someone they love  - they need to go through the grieving process and they need our support. 

I've had people tell me: You don't understand, your child doesn't have diabetes - you're not a parent.
You're right, I'm not a parent or a parent of a child with diabetes, but I am a former child with diabetes - and I lost a sister to diabetes complications in 1991 - I saw how my parents suffered, I experienced my own suffering - and we as a family experienced scrutiny re: my sister's care. 
I know what that family (for the most part,) is going through and what they are going to go through in the 12 months, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. 

Public speculation, scrutiny, and questions like the ones I mentioned (and especially like the ones I've chosen not to repeat,) place blame on the family and the person who passed away. 
That's not right, that's not kind, and that shows a lack of compassion and empathy.

To quote a wise woman, "The thing about wanting to know so that you can avoid it implies that there is something that could have been done. We all do our best to care for our kids, and I am sure she and her family did as well. Technology and diligence may provide some protection but they are not a guarantee... why we need a cure!"

When the family is ready, they may choose to share the how and the why...or not.
But until that time, lets give the family space,  and send them boatloads of our love, support, empathy, compassion, and prayers. 

8 Is Great~

8 is great!

It’s been crazy as of late and I'm glad for that. 

But the craziness has made me me forget a few things - Like picking up the dry-cleaning I dropped off two weeks ago, a friend's recent Birthday, and a dermatology appointment that was scheduled for this Tuesday - thankfully they called on Friday to reschedule or I would have missed it - even though it was on my iCalendar (and I'm religious about using my iCalendar,) because it wasn't on my brain's radar. 

And then 15 minutes ago ( just as I was about to write my Diabetes Awareness Month, Day 8, facebook status,) I suddenly, said out loud: SHIT, tomorrow my blog turns 8 years old!

How the hell did that happen? 

When I started blogging about diabetes I’d never read a diabetes blog before. 

It’s not that I didn’t know people with diabetes before finding the DOC, because I did.

 I met my first friend with diabetes when I was 8.

(sidebar: there's that number again!)

 I went to diabetes camp, my neighbor had diabetes, so did two upper Classmen and an under Classman I'd gone to high school with. 

Over the years, I'd met others with diabetes here and there. 

Also, HELLO, have you seen my family tree?

But did I have a sense of diabetes community? 

Nope.

Did I understand the power of community? 

Nope, not until I started blogging about diabetes.

And for decades, I wore an anchor of diabetes guilt around my neck and I wasn’t even aware it was there. 

Since finding the DOC, I’ve found my tribe, a community of friends who have become family, and I've found my greatest passion - helping others with diabetes!

I’ve also learned (and am still learning,) to let go of whatever happened in the past with my life, diabetes and none diabetes related, so I can have a better now and a more fantastical future.

The DOC taught me to develop and use my diabetes voice - and I will continue to.

I’ve unfurled my diabetes freak flag, I’m getting my diabetes freak on, daily. 

And I’m great with that! 

And I’ve learned that together, the power of WE, can move mountains. 

And I’ve seen mountains move and made mountains move with all of you, because we as a community are mountain movers!  

I love moving mountains with you guys. 

I love and appreciate turning to you when I’m in need of support, and I hope I’ve been able to support you when you’ve needed it.

I don’t know what the next 12 months will bring me, but I know the DOC will continue to act as my rudder in life and my life with diabetes. 

And I know that the DOC will continue to steer me on course, and in the direction of better, towards the point of becoming and positive change.

So while I might have forgotten that my blog turns 8 on Monday and have scheduled other cool stuff on my blogs plate for tomorrow, 
I will never forget that blogging and finding the DOC has changed my life dramatically and for the better. 

Thanks and I love you guys!! 

Xoxo

Bedtime High Blood Sugars & Finding Comfort & Support Via The DOC ~

I had a late dinner last night -it was a dinner I eat at least once a week - and usually everything is cool. USUALLY.
######
It started out to be a good night, it really did. I was feeling all sorts of peppy and my blood sugar was 125 before dinner - YAY ME. 
Speaking of dinner, it was one of my favorites - a homemade Greek yogurt, cilantro, garlic, jalapeño, spicy dip that yours truly made from scratch, accompanied fresh famers market veggies and Food Should Taste Good, Multigrain Gluten Free Chips. 

I have this very same meal at least week during the summer, sometimes twice a week  - except sometimes the dip is made with huge handfuls of fresh basil or dill instead of cilantro and Cayenne pepper instead of jalapeño. But..., I digress. 
It’s a simple meal that makes me feel like I’m indulging because of exceptional the crunch factor, except I’m not indulging.
 The FSTG chips are easy for me to bolus for - 18 grams of carbs - for 10 chips, times 2 = 36 grams of carbs for the chips. The veggies (sweet peppers, celery and organic carrots,) added extra crunch and yumminess to the mix and very little carbs - not to mention the whole, “being healthy,” thing. 
The Greek yogurt was 7 grams of carbs for 5.3 ounces, which in this case was half the dip.
Normally I bolus between 45 and 50 grams and I’m usually right on target for the rest of the night. 

Except... last night I wasn’t. 

I bolused for/prepped my meal, brought it in front of the TV to eat and yes, I know, I shouldn’t eat in front of the TV, but I wanted to watch episode 5 of the PBS, Masterpiece Theater’s much acclaimed and totally awesome series, Poldark  via the on-demand.
Sidebar: Don’t even get me started on Poldark - I’M OBSESSED. 
A couple hours later I checked my blood sugar and was 220 - not terrible. Not great, but not terrible. 
I gave myself a correction bolus and went about my business. 
An hour later I was ready for bed - I could barely keep my eyes open and I was thirsty. 
Not a great sign in Kelly’s Big Book of D -and probably not your Big Book of D, either. 
So I checked again and my blood sugar was 359.
Then I tested again and it was 361 - And Kelly was not happy. 
In fact I uttered a string of four letter words that would make sailor blush and gave myself a 5.4 unit correction bolus - and of course, as soon as the last unit cleared my insulin pump’s screen, I immediately thought that I should have changed my infusion site BEFORE I gave the correction bolus - even thought the site was less then three days old.
20 some minutes later I tested again and it was 418 - not what I wanted to see. 
I switched out my 2 day old infusion site and gave myself another correction bolus of 2.5 units, tested for ketones (I had a “small,” amount,) drank a huge glass of water and I waited I also peed because high blood sugars and water not only = ketones, they also = peeing like a race horse. But you already know that. 
I was so flipping tired and  I just wanted to go to bed. Actually, I was already in bed and had my meter and test strips next me, the bedroom-lights out, the hallway light on and my iPhone in hand. 
 It was almost midnight and I was afraid of falling asleep before I knew that it was OK to actually sleep. So I logged onto Facebook and posted the following status: 

And as long as I’m being honest, it was great to talk with people who ‘got it” while I waited for my blood sugar to start going down. 

Talking and connecting with others kept me calm, because sometimes - at least in my case, being upset about a high blood sugar can keep that bg elevated. 
Talking with some DOC pals was not only great medicine, it was incredibly comforting. 
Some of the folks in the FB thread were dealing with the same thing, others were dealing with low blood sugars, and some were dealing with normal blood sugars, but knew what I was feeling and offered their comfort because they knew I needed it. 
Some were type 3s and didn’t have diabetes at all, but offered their support just the same. How beautiful is that!
And I appreciated the comfort and the conversation so much. 
Sidebar & FTR: I would have post the others Facebook comments, but I haven’t asked them yet - I don't like to post other peoples thoughts without asking. 

30 minutes later my blood sugar was 369 and things were returning to normal. 
I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and I woke up with a blood sugar of 101 and feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. 
I also felt damn thankful for the Diabetes Online Community for not only “getting it,” but for being there for and with me when I was feeling alone and at my most vulnerable. 
THANKS GUYS.

Xoxoxo

Dear DOC: Today Marks 7 Years of Diabetes Blogging. THANK-YOU

Dear DOC : 

Today marks 7 years that I’ve been blogging about living with diabetes and I honestly, 

I can’t believe it. 

I can’t believe it’s only been 7 years since I started writing about my life with diabetes.  

Sidebar: Thank-you, Halle.   

By taking that leap into blogging and the online world, I've found an amazing community that has changed my life for the better.

Blogging has given me a community whose citizens I consider friends who are family. 

And this amazing community continues to be there for me - through the good, the bad, and the diabetesaliciousness of it all. 

Because of you I’ve found my voice and my passion, and I've developed a better understanding of myself...and of others. 

YOU taught me to listen and learn form others stories and experiences in life, and life with diabetes. 

Thank you for always inspiring, supporting and teaching me. 

Thank you for me making me smile and allowing me to cry. 

Thanks for encouraging me and giving me a helping hand whenever I’ve been in need of one. 

And thank you for continually challenging me to become a better version of myself. 

In return, I hope that I’ve somehow done the same for you.

I love you, I’m grateful for you and I will always fight for you and have your back. 

Thank you for having mine. 

Together as a community we move mountains - alone we trudge up hills. 

And as always, we are in this together.

I love you guys so flipping much!

Xoxo

k2