Friday, January 21, 2011

Dear Debbie: If You Were Here......

Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills, in colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now.
Don Mclean - Vincent (Starry Starry Night) Lyrics

Dear Debbie -
It was 20 years ago today that you left us.
IF you were here, I'd tell you that I love you; I'm sorry, and that I've thought about you every single day these past 20 years.
IF you were here - I'd hug you more and blame you less.
I'd let things roll of my back and would suggest you do the same.
I would encourage you to seek help for all your problems - both physically & mentally.
I would tell you that so much has changed for the better in the world of diabetes.
If you were here, I'd have more patience and understanding because now I understand you better.
If you were here, I know that you would love and be an active member of the Diabetes on-line community.
Because I seriously believe if the Diabetes On-line community had been around while you were coming into your own,
I know that you'd still be here.
Because you'd no longer feel alone, or different, or crazy,
and you'd possess the technology, the tools, the skills, and the desire to manage your diabetes better.
And you'd have the confidence & the willingness to own your diabetes and face your other issues that held you down and held you back.
Seriously Deb, you'd be amazed at the diabetes technology of today and would welcome it with open arms.
Insulin pumps & cgms would totally blow your mind-
And the fact that you'd be able to test your blood in 5 seconds would make you smile.
Debbie, If you were here, I'd try and make you laugh more and cry less and I'd force you to grab all the golden rings that life has to offer - regardless of gentics or diabetes!
If you were here......
I'd hold you tight - because I know much more than I did then.


Meri said...

Hugs to you dear Kelly. I believe she knows what is in your heart, and she is proud as all get out of her little sis.

George said...

I cannot wait to give you a real hug but until then (((HUGS)))

This touched my heart and also tore it open. So many people need support, need to not feel alone, and right now I cannot stop crying about all the people out there who do not know about the OC but who are looking for it.

I wish I could have known your sister and been her Ninja Bacon friend too. I love you heaps Kelly and I thank God for your friendship all the time.

meanderings said...

Yeah, more hugs for you.
What a lovely letter for your sister. Thanks for letting us read it.

Pam said...

Grace and I are thinking of you today. Love and hugs!

Kim said...

Beautiful post, Kelly. You've got me tearing up over here - nothing new, I know, but I feel for you.

Big air hugs!

Rachel said...

Thinking of you today, k2.

Scott Strange said...

Wow Kelly, what a beautiful letter to your sister. She's smiling at you and very proud of you, I'm sure.


sysy said...

Gosh I take my loved ones for granted sometimes, your post makes me want to call up my type 1 diabetic sister and ask how she's doing and if she needs anything and...I should just tell her I love her. Going to do that now. Ditto what everyone else said. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and your family today, Kelly. Wasn't planning on shedding a tear today, but your letter was incredible. Like everyone else has commented, she's without a doubt looking down on you, proud and smiling. Thank you for sharing this with us, and God Bless.

Kimberly said...

This brought tears to my do so much to help so many people and your sister would be so proud!

Hallie Addington said...

Oh Kelly... What a sweet letter. My thoughts are with you and your family today. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You are so right - and I am so thankful for the wonderful technology we have. Thanks for reminding me. ((hugs)) to you.

Cara said...

So beautiful Kelly. I wish I could have known your sister. And this just makes me thankful for the D-OC even more.

Sarah said...

I wish the DOC had been around back then. I would have loved to have grown up knowing her.
Lots of love and BIG ginormous (((HUGS))) to you, K2!!!

Saramy said...

When our souls are ripped apart - that's when our heart will bursts. Your heart is gigantic and your love is evident. Deepest condolences, even 20 years down the line, the loved ones who have left will never be lost. Warmest blessings to you kelly.

C said...

Very beautiful post. I'm not usually a teary person, but my eyes are definitely misty after reading this. I'm very, very sorry for you loss. Even though I don't know you very well, I'm certain your sister would be very proud of who you are today, how far you have come, and how active you are in the DOC.

Penny said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your letter to Debbie is beautiful and touching. She would be amazed at the technology and you are right, things would have been different for her with the DOC. It is a lovely letter to her. Sending you hugs and lots of love.

Karen said...

This post was beautiful, Kelly. I know Debbie can see everything you are doing and is so proud of the advocate - and woman - you have become. Pete and I are sending you hugs!!

LaLa said...

What a beautiful letter to your sister. I believe that she knows what is in your heart and she must be so very proud of you and that you do to encourage others.

You are a true blessing to the DOC. Thank you for all that you do each day.

Alexis Nicole said...

Beautiful post Kelly. Thinking of you today. ((hugs

Cherise said...

Your post made me tear up. I am sending hugs, prayers and thoughts. Your sis would be so proud of you.

Brenda Bell said...

A beautiful Yahrtzeit letter. We remember those we have lost, and in their names and memories, pledge to do for others what they could not do for themselves -- what they might have done for others had they still been alive -- to keep their names and their memories in the cultural fabric of our families and our communities.

In early grade school, we were read an African fable about a man with many sons, each with a gift necessary for resuscitation/resurrection -- yet when he was killed by a wild beast, the most precious gift of all was the words of his youngest son, "Where's my father?" -- for a man is not dead until he is forgotten, and had the child not asked, none would have known to search for him and bring him back to life.

As long as you and yours remember Deb, she lives.

Scott S said...

Wow ... we'll have to get together sometime soon, and I can give you a big hug then! I will be featuring a post in the not-too-distant future since my cat Phyllis is in ailing health (she's 17 years, or 84 in human years) and the vet tells me her time with me isn't too long, which is really troubling me. Its worse for a human loved one. The following is a poem by an unknown author that fits this very well indeed:

There is a new star shining in the sky tonight
Author unknown

There is an old belief that the stars shining in the night sky are the spirits of those who have died. They have shed their earthly bodies and exchanged them for bodies made of light; thousands upon thousands of our dear departed friends all promoted to glory in the night sky. There is another saying that the brightest flame burns the shortest.

My friend, you were the brightest star in my own universe. While I burn on, my flame dimmed by grief and despair at your passing, the stars are watching me. They are too far away for me to touch, just as you have gone somewhere I cannot follow until my own star-time comes. They cannot be held close for comfort, just as I can no longer hold you close, though I held you close to comfort you in your final hours. We were together for such a short time, but the stars will burn forever.

One day I will grow tired of this earthbound body, my own star-time will come and my spirit will soar into the sky to burn with all those friends who have gone before me. On the inky cloth of space we will be reunited in constellations of joy. Until then, my flame burns low and dim and cold without you. Through my tears I look upwards to see if you are watching me and what do I see?

There is a new star shining in the sky tonight.

That star's name was (and still is) Debbie!

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing Debbie with us. I'm a little sister who lost an older sibling as well. I remember him well, and I miss him...even 35 years later...

Debbie must be so incredibly proud of you, Kelly.

And, FWIW, so am I.

Unknown said...


First off I didn't know this about you and your story. I just clicked over to the "Kelly's Deal" page.

What a lovely letter to your sister. Your words have left me with a lump in my throat that won't clear with a big swallow. Love to you and your family.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful love letter Kelly to your sister. <3 and will be hugging you K2 in person at FFL.


Jaimie said...

(((HUGS)))...Your sis would be ever so proud! xoxo

Bernard Farrell said...

KK, this is just beautiful. I love you much love and appreciate being your friend. Sending hugs your way.