Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Appointment Before The Endo Appointment

Date: Today - 6 days before my Endo appointment

Time: 7:30 a.m.

Place: Diagnostic Lab

Feeling: Nervous and coffee deprived. I’ve fasted since midnight – And the whole lack of coffee thing is never a good look for me.

I’m about to get my lab work done for my endo appointment that’s 6 days away – and the mind games have begun.

I’m always nervous when I get my labs done. The whole “WHAT IF” factor is a total psychological psych out.

I hate “ WHAT IF” and everything that accompanies it. That phrase does nothing but cause a paralyzing fear and make my blood pressure rise.

I've downed massive quantities of water before I arrived and while I wait, so I can fatten up my veins and my bladder.

Getting my blood drawn is always a bitch because the veins in my arms are almost non-existent and I seriously consider the fact that I might be part vampire. Seriously, Twilight, the movie as nothing on me! After three vials of blood have been taken from my person, it's off to the restroom, where I'm pleasantly surprised to see my refection staring back from the mirror as I enter the restroom with pee cup in hand!

I guess I'm human after all.

I hate peeing in a little cup thingy the size of a small yogurt container and I’m always afraid that:

A. I’ll have lousy aim

B. I won’t be able to pee.

But I do - So I got that going for me.

And then the days of waiting for my lab results and stressing officially begins.

I keep looking at my calendar with dread, like a little kid dreads ripping off a band-Aid.

But I'm a grownup lady, and I need to be all: DAMN THE TORPEDOES & the likes there of.

Next week I will hate walking in my Endo’s office and getting weighed, questioned by an intern & then being left alone in an exam room waiting for my Dr. and the lab news.

How will I explain my results and my diabetes burnout?

But I love my Endo very much - he's great! And I'm grateful that we no longer live in the Diabetes Dark Ages. And I love that I can share my ridiculous case of the D jitters with you guys.

Because even though I'll be going to my Endo appointment alone, I know I’m not alone - And that make me feel all types of warm and fuzzy inside - SO THANKS GUYS!


Unknown said...

Good Luck Kelly!

Ellen said...

I hope you get very tender and empathic care today. Your endo should be there to support and empower as you know. <3


Ellen said...

I hope you receive tender and empathic care today Kelly. <3

Sarah said...

What a wonderful thought--that we are not alone in all the D-mess that is so much of our lives: going to/getting results for lab tests, before/during/after the endo appt and all other appts where they might start digging into or being transparently ignorant of t1D...etc. I like it. We are not alone. <3

victriabetes said...

K - you're always able to make me laugh.

Jess said...

omg! i'm laughing so hard, because i am right there with you! going to the endo is hard sometimes. it feels like i'm being graded, ya know?

not to mention, i HATE peeing in a cup. i'd rather get blood drawn, any day...

Scott Strange said...

Isn't it amazing how much pressure we can put on ourselves sometimes? All over some number that we all seem to use as a justification for how "good" we are.

LOL, the A1c for diabetics is like the ring of a bell that made Pavlov's dogs drool! I've been know to drool myself, but that is another story...


Meri said...

I totally feel you. Every number hits harder the closer the endo appt is!

Your post reminds me that all three of my boys are due for blood work. BOO! :( Me no likey!

Good luck dear Kelly! I'm sure all is well!

LaLa said...

So not alone!
As a matter of fact you were all with me at Nate's appt today. Thank goodness you were all there because I felt like an epic failure but I knew the DOC would lift my wounded spirit.

We all there indeed.

Hope you aim was good. :)

Anonymous said...

fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

you will do great! =) positive energy your way.