Monday, June 1, 2015

Diabetes: Of Labs; Life Circumstances, Being More Than Our Numbers & Acknowledging How Hard We Work~

Tomorrow is my D Day and I could let the fact that circumstances beyond my control may indeed have messed with my lab results - And I could beat myself up - Or...I could go the other route.
Tomorrow is my endo appointment  - A person living with diabetes own personal D Day, for sure. A day when we tend freak ourselves out and beat ourselves up based on our lab results - at least that’s my usual M.O.

But this time around, I just don’t have it in me to freakout, drive myself crazy or beat myself up - And I don't want to. 

I’ve tried my best since my last Endo appointment, I really have. 
Since my last appointment, I’ve worked hard; I trialed the Snap for 7 weeks with positive results, shared #Iwishpeopleknewthatdiabetes with the diabetes global community and learned from them, started yoga and walking and battled a gnarly case of Bronchitis (and a whole bunch of other itises,) that almost almost put me in the hospital, required a week of steroids and copious amounts of insulin - and still requires more than my usual amount. I’ve been on two rounds (3 weeks in total ,) of antibiotics - the last of which will be finished on Wednesday. I still don’t feel 100% better, but I’m getting there. 
Sidebar: Yes, I swore I wouldn't write about my bronchitis again, but trust me - there's a point. 

And the point is, I can’t focus on how the bronchitis, the steroids and the antibiotics might have negatively affected my A1C results or I’ll go effing crazy.
Honestly, whatever my labs reveal tomorrow -I know I tried my best with diabetes, regardless of what BS obstacles crossed my path. 
I dodged all sorts of crap and rolled with the punches - diabetes and other wise. 
I know I tried and I know that I am more than the sum of my numbers - we all are.

Still, I know from experience that I will take my A1C results personally - And that I'm great at beating myself up - I could teach a master class on that subject. 
Here’s the thing: I don’t feel like taking my a1c personally tomorrow, or beating myself up. So come tomorrow, when I’m sitting in the exam room before the fabulous Dr. J walks in, I’m going to do my best and remind myself of what I did right, I’m going to remind myself to learn from my mistakes and I’m going to be grateful for what is... and what isn’t. 

And if your the one sitting in your Endo’s exam room tomorrow or anytime after, I hope you do the same. 
People living with diabetes are resilient and tough - and people living with diabetes are their own worst critics - While we preach to our friends about “giving yourself a break & acknowledge how hard you work," we rarely allow ourselves to do either.
Each and every one of us need to remind ourselves how hard we work when it comes to diabetes, how we never get a break from diabetes, and how we continually pull ourselves by our diabetes bootstraps  - even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing, so can live our best lives.

We rarely acknowledge all our efforts and hard work and I think we should - And no matter what my A1C is, I’m going to try my damnedest tomorrow to do just that - and I hope you do too.  


Unknown said...

Yep! I know the feeling well. You are doing great. We all do the best we can with what we have. In the end, I think when we look back we will say "why was I ever so hard on myself? I am awesome" ;) <3

doug said...

Don't worry. You'll do fine. And if you don't, big deal. There's always another A1c on the horizon.