Words For Wednesday: Prayer & Community

"Prayers go up and blessings come down." Yiddish Proverb

We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats.

Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter.

A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free. - Starhawk

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A friend, family member and Diabetes On-Line Community member really needs our prayers right now, BIG TIME.

Meri over at Our Diabetic Life is a pillar of strength, inspiration, laughter, tears and knowledge.

She's the mother of four boys (3 who have type 1 diabetes) and the wife and sweetheart of Ryan.

Meri shares her life and her struggles and always reaches out to others when in need.

Meri makes me laugh and learn and become and she inspires all of us daily.

And Meri and her family need our positive thoughts vibes and prayers.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, denomination, etc., PLEASE, PLEASE pray for many miracles for Ryan Schumacher and his family every day, but especially this Sunday March 4th.

This past Sunday Ryan was rushed to the hospital and 6 tumors were found in his brain and multiple tumors were found in his lungs and abdomen.

To quote his wife and our wonderful friend Meri: "We are asking all of you for your continual prayers, and ask if you will join our family in praying this Sunday March 4th, for Ryan. Please pray specifically for a miracle, because that is what we stand in need of at this moment.

Please spread the word to your churches, prayer groups, friends and families. All religious denominations everywhere. We have a strong belief that we need to bombard the gates of heaven with prayers for Ryan on Sunday...and beyond."

To learn more about what's happening on March 4th and to follow Ryan's progress, please click on the link to The Schmmacher Family's Miracle facebook page and "LIKE IT."

And PLEASE send them lots of prayers, positive thoughts & healing vibes - And tell everyone you know to do the same!

https://www.facebook.com/ShuhmacherFamily?sk=info

My Weekend Plans: The Children With Diabetes Focus On Technology Conference

February 25 & 26,2012

Philadelphia Marriott West

West Conshohocken, PA

I'm heading out to Children With Diabetes Focus On Technology 2012 Conference in Conchohocken, PA this weekend and I'm looking forward to it. Actually, I'm downright excited to attend the conference for many reasons.

Even though I only attend one day of The Children With Diabetes Friends For Life Conference in 2010, I can tell you that it changed my life for the better. CWDFFL was like coming home to Diabetes Land. People who live with diabetes (or whose children, siblings or spouses live with diabetes) are the majority, not the minority. And everyone understands and speaks the language of diabetes, fluently and in all its dialects.

It's a fantastical thing to walk around and learn about diabetes with others who know first hand what your going through. Plus, you also learn the parents perspective, which was incredibly eyeopening to me as former child with diabetes. Same goes for me being a sister, daughter and aunt of someone with diabetes - And a diabetes blogger.

The Program of Events for the 2012 Tech Conference includes all types of interesting/timely topics including but not limited to: CGMS & New Technology talks, advanced pumping concepts, managing technology in school, managing diabetes stress & burnout (YES), making sense of data sensors , sports exercise & bg control, managing hypos, infusion set and sensors, a group workout, discussion group for parents of teens, etc.

I know that I'll see some of you there and I can't wait! And for those of you who won't be attending, I'll give you the 4-1-1 when I return.

Have a great weekend guys!

Of Crazy Life Quarters & Forgotten Labs

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not thefalling down, but the staying down.” Mary Pickford~

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A fractured D Fairy Tale

(which means it really happened)

Once upon a time there was a woman with type 1 diabetes named Kelly, who was having a crazy life quarter.

So crazy in fact that she completely forgot to get her a1c labs done for her Endo appointment that was to occur in the third week of February, 2012. Kelly kept forgetting to get her ass over to the lab, even though her Endo appointment was written on her calendar.

Then all of a sudden, it was the Sunday before the Tuesday morning appointment and Kelly realized it was too late.

If she went and had her labs done Monday morning, they wouldn’t be completed by her Tuesday afternoon appointment. Why? Because thanks to Kelly's insurance, in order to get 100% of her a1c labs covered, she was allowed to go to her local lab to have her blood drawn and urine sample procured, but her local lab could not process those fluids there.

Nope, the local lab had to ship Kelly's samples to a magical place called Labcorp. Why was LabCorp deemed magical?? Because in the realm known as Labcorp, A1C labs had their own unique time/space continuum. I kid you not.

Said lab results weren’t actually delivered to her endo until 5 to 7 days from the time they were received at LabCorp’s gates. At least, that’s what their paperwork always said.

But usually, Kelly's Endo’s office always had to call and request those labs when Kelly was sitting in their exam waiting room. Even when she’d had her labs drawn 8 or 9 days earlier.

So that Monday morning, she called up her Endo's office and apologized profusely for having to cancel her appointment and rescheduled for the first appointment they had available, which was May 2nd.

Her endo’s office was very understanding, but she felt ashamed and embarrassed none the less. She was really mad at herself for screwing up regarding her labs. And she was always saying to others: Go to your Endo, knowledge is power, and keep testing!, and her she was canceling her appointment! Not to mention the fact that she was putting her health and needs second, and everyone else's needs first.

So what did I learn from this not so theoretical woman named Kelly who is in actuality is me?

No matter how crazy or hectic life becomes, try and get your labs done. And if for some reason shit happens and you can’t, do what your mom always told you: Pick yourself up by your bootstraps, dust yourself off and start all over again.

Diabetes Memory #10,866: The One Where My Date Figures "It" Out - And Eventually, So Did I.

So I was in my mid 20s and I was about to go out with my friend’s friend from grad school.

We’d met at black-tie pre-party, and afterwards when our group hit the bar for drinks, I invited him to a “Rat Pack” party I was throwing (lounge wear was mandatory, as was music by various members of The Rat Pack, Esquivel, and soundtracks from movies like Big Night & the Original Ocean's 11,) a few weeks later. What can I say? I love throwing parties with great soundtracks!

Anyway, I wore martini covered silk PJs and he dressed up like Mr. Howell from Gilligan’s Island, (which made me laugh,) and an good time was had by all!

Two days later and after a hellish day at work, he called and asked me to dinner for the following Saturday.

The day of the date had been crazy. Back then, I played touch football every Saturday in a mixed league, and even though I had no idea what I was doing, let alone what direction to run, it was always fun and a great way to meet people! But by the time I came home, showered and got all dolled up, I was starving.

So when he my picked me up at my apartment early that evening, I was downing grapes unceremoniously and by the fist full.

"Sorry," I said all apologetic, I’m starving!

"You’re starving", he asked quizzically: What are you, a diabetic??

And I looked square in the eye and said: Yes I am. Is that a problem??

Him: “REALLY? No, that’s fine, no problem at all. Just..., why did you keep it a secret? We’ve been talking on the phone for weeks, not to mention the fact that we’ve gotten together a few times socially, so I thought maybe you’d have mentioned it at least once.

Me: I wasn’t keeping it a secret, I was just keeping it to myself for the time being. I wanted to tell you when I was ready to tell you. And quite frankly, I didn’t want to bring it up tonight. But you guessed so now I'm telling.

Him: I’m glad I guessed, I want to know who you are. All of you.

Me: Great. Glad we got that out of the way - Now lets get out of here and go eat!

So we did, and had good time.

We ended up going out for about 3 months and I can honestly say, he was a stand up guy regarding my broken pancreas, but not so great in other areas. And while we got along and laughed, he had issues & so did I.

I was still learning to figure out my life as an adult, and as an adult with diabetes. And he was trying to figure out his life as an adult.

Bottom line, it wasn’t a long term love match, nor was it meant to be. And eventually I would come to realize that - and then some.

But when it ended I was pretty bummed out, and it took me most of the summer to get over it.

Looking back, it was a really good lesson(s) on all sorts of levels and it reinforced four very important facts that I kept with me always.

1. None of my previous relationships with the opposite sex had ended because of a negative reaction to my diabetes, including the one with "Mr. Howell"

2. My diabetes was mine, and if I wanted to have a significant other in my life, long term, short term, or somewhere in between, I needed to own my diabetes. And I needed confidence in my life with diabetes in order to have confidence in other areas of life, PERIOD.

3. We weren't "soul mates," not in the least. MAJOR BULLET, DODGED.

4. Sometimes people aren’t meant to be together for the long term, regardless of pancreatical challenges - That's why people with both working and non-working pancreases actually go out on dates, so they can figure all that dating stuff out!

Skiing The Blood Sugar Slopes At Sea Level

“A smooth sea never made a good sailor. A straight and level road never made a good driver.” Unknown
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." Dave Barry
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Friday started out as one of those smooth sailing blood sugar days, at least for the first part. Actually, I was running slightly on the low side during the day. Not super low, can't feel my lips or function low. More like always being hungry and hovering around 115 all day. Which is weird, because normally dinner time is when hunger really seams to strike for me. But not Friday, Friday, was snacking central! Still, no matter how much I snacked on Kashi bars, yogurts and grapes, my blood sugar at dinner was 74.
I made dinner (a Spanish omelet with one slice of Ezekiel toast & a small apple with peanut butter) bolused for my meal and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Two hours later I tested and my blood sugar was 250 - And you could have knocked me over with a freaking feather because I had absolutely no idea why! I'd literally put in a new infusion site the night before and it looked and felt fine. Plus, my numbers had been on the low side all day - I had no idea what was going on but I knew it was pissing me off, BIG TIME.
I did a correction bolus and 1.5 hours later I was 314, an hour after that I was 300. I had a meeting with myself and decided that I would change my 20 hour old infusion site, SWAGED an extra unit in my correction bolus and increased my temporary bolus rate by 25%. Then I waited... And waited.... And waited. After two more decreased blood sugars of 256 and 234, I ended up blowing a 177 before bed. Did I mention that my ears started itching Friday night?? Me thinks that my stupid sinuses might have been coming into play,but I digress.
Here's the thing, all day Saturday, my ears continued to itch and my blood sugars were between 160 an 245 all day, no matter what I did/ate and I was frustrated. I'd increased my temporary basal rate again was consuming 1.5 units an hour by dinner time, which is when my numbers settled in the 160 range for the evening. It was like my body was at sea level, but my blood sugars were in the mountains - not the Rockies (THANK GOD), more like the intermediate slope at Jack Frost Big Boulder. Still, they weren't where I wanted them to be.
If this was a weekend for Diabetes skiing, I wanted it to be a cross country slope, nice and level. A course that would build up my stamina and endurance, instead of a crazy mountain terrain. And HELLO, did I mention that physically, I was at freaking sea level??
I had so much to do and dealing with bitchy blood sugars was not something I needed on my proverbial plate.
I kept my increased basal rate all through Sunday and into Sunday evening,(and my numbers were good: 123 , 144, 140 200 , 170, 141, 149 & 160. So right before before I went to sleep last night, I suspended the temporary basal rate.
This morning I woke up with a blood sugar of 150 and 5 minutes ago I was 200. I just switched back to my increased temporary basal rate, but this time, I'm starting it at 1.4. I guess my body has decided it wanted to go all hotdog on the ski slope, regardless of how close this beachgirl is to the shore.
Sometimes when diabetes wants to ski all rogue on the blood sugar slopes, I have no choice but to ski the blood sugar slopes, come up from behind and take the lead, which might take a while. But at least I have the equipment to stay on course, get back on track & swooosh in at the finish line!

Diabetes Supplies Checks & Balances

THEY say life is all about checks and balances. But did THEY live with diabetes?? Seriously, THINK ABOUT IT.

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SO I was greeted by my 3 month supply of test strips yesterday after and then immediately realized that:

A. I was out of Baby Aspirin, (something I take daily)

B. I was down to 3 bottles of insulin (1 opened, 2 unopened)

C. My pump supplies are officially down to half mast,

D. So is my trusty 3 month Ace Inhibitor supply.

Diabetes checks and balances regarding supplies are never in perfect balance, much like life in general - No matter how hard we try.

Which I guess makes sense because if we were out of everything all at once, not only would it be majorly expensive, it would be majorly stressful as well. Still, keeping track of all this crap is a constant in our lives.

Like it or not, I (and by "I," I mean "WE,") notice this shit because my (OUR) brain(s) have been trained to see the diabetes of it all.

Like this morning at 3 a.m. when I was having a low, I noticed that my bottle of Apple And Eve Elmo Punch (And yes, it is too diabetes supplies!) was now officially half empty and I would need to buy some more after work today,along with a giant bottle of Baby Aspirin. While I don't down juice on a daily basis, I can't risk running out!

Speaking of lows, I had just popped my last Mixed Fruit flavored glucose tab on Tuesday, but ironically, I'd received a box of Watermelon Glucose Quick Sticks in the mail a few weeks back from a reader/fb friend - Talk about diabetes balance in the form of a backup!

So this morning I actually busted opened the box and put 2 of those sticks in my car and two sticks in my handbag.

Disclosure: I have never tried these Glucose Sticks before and like I said, they were sent to me by a reader/fb friend - I didn't purchase them. But I was and am very thankful to have them as diabetes back up none the less. Plus, they fit right into the whole "Diabetes Checks and Balances" theme of this post.

Prices vary & they aren't cheap & I have no idea if they're covered by insurance or not. When I actually have to treat a low with them,(which I know will happen sooner rather than later,) I'll let you know my thoughts on how they work.

So, in the ever changing and always necessary world of Diabetes Checks & Balances: What Diabetes Checks and Balances have you experienced as of late?

Dearest DOC: You Are The Bolus To My Cupcake & The Crackle To My Bacon!

Happy Valentine's Day!

YES INDEED I DO!

Dearest DOC -

You are the bolus to my cupcake and the crackle to my bacon - And I love you more than both!

I need you like my pump needs insulin!

You are more magical than even the most magical of unicorns, yet I appreciate the fact that you also believe in those elusive creatures - Especially one in particular ;)

And knowing that you are just a click a way whenever I need you (and vice versa,) brings a song to my heart and a smile face.

Being part of your community feels better than achieving Blood Sugar Nirvana after a Thanksgiving meal or 7 course pasta dinner.

Without you in my life, life would be less sparkly and much more difficult.

Thank you for always being there for both the good and the bad - diabetes and otherwise.

Thank you for always being my cheerleader, picking me up when needed, and kicking my ass when required.

Thank- you for continually teaching me and showing me a new way of looking at an old and broken pancreas.

And thank you for being my family - For accepting the good, the bad and the diabetesalciousness of me.

I love you and am so grateful for my amazing DOC family!

XOXOXOXO

k2

How Many Units Do You Have Left???

After an impromptu discussion on the Diabetesaliciousness FaceBook page at lunch about the number of units left in your insulin pump. And now that I'm just about to change my insulin reservoir because I'm down to 0.9 units, (I prepacked a prefilled reservoir in my handbag last night & brought it to work with me) and I can't stop thinking about insulin pumps and the amount of insulin we have in them. So the Diabetesaliciousness question of the day is:

How many units do you have left in your insulin pump/insulin pen? And how does that number make you feel?

There's no wrong answer and all totally off the cuff - But damn if I'm not all types of curious now!

And for the record - I just primed and plugged in my new insulin reservoir and am now packing 156.7 units of insulin - And I feel safe and totally good to go! BRING.IT.ON.

Diabetes & The TaxMan: Can I Deduct That?

Since tax time is literally just around the bend,I’ve been gathering receipts from my pharmacy, insurance premiums, and Doctors copay receipts for my accountant - Which of course makes me think about other diabetes related tax deduction questions.

Like:

Are pump batteries, glucose tabs & juice-boxes considered diabetes deductions?

Think about it, durable medical equipment like pump supplies, needles and lancets are considered tax deductions and are covered by insurance, so why not pump batteries?

You don’t need an RX for glucose tabs or juice-boxes, but we buy them specifically to treat diabetes lows, so technically, shouldn’t we be able to write them off?

Same goes for Larabars, which I also use to treat lows when I’m working out!

Speaking of working out: Can a gym membership/class/exercise equipment purchased be considered a durable medical equipment deduction?

We exercise to stay healthy & fit, AND because studies have shown that exercise helps regarding in both maintaining good blood-sugars and long term diabetes damage, so shouldn’t we able to write off the cost of Aqua Boot Camp and the redonkulous cost of joining the local gym, JCC, or YMCA?

And what about eating healthy??

I really try to avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup at all costs, but it’s expensive!! And FYI: Our bodies do know the difference between sugar and HFCS, and the proof is in the blood sugar numbers!

I want a write off for buying non - HFCS crap!

Can I write off the Ezekiel bread, non hfcs / gluten free Food Should Taste Good Chips, Apple's & Eve juiceboxes & Soy milk???

Also, as a person living with diabetes - I can't wear cheap shoes.

Seriously, I can't - no way no how!

Cheap shoes = major foot issues for people with diabetes - Everyone knows that!

I'm like the freaking Princess & The Pea when it comes to cheap shoes - I can't wear them!

Uncle Sam, I need to be able to write off My Asics Gels,(the only sneakers I can wear comfortably &which cos $125 a pair,) Naot shoes & any other footwear that don't hurt/damage my feet!

I don't choose to wear expensive shoes - I HAVE TO WEAR EXPENSIVE SHOES.

I am aware that medicare covers 1 pair of "diabetic shoes," and three pairs of orthotics a year, but I'm not on medicare.

And personally, diabetes or not, people need, (not to mention wear) more than one pair of shoes a year!

And if you're a person with diabetes who gets your shoes through medicare, can you write off the shoes medicare doesn't cover?

What unconventional (but totally necessary and valid) diabetes deductions would you like to see covered, or that you actually use as a diabetes a tax deduction?

An Extended Diabetes Hail Mary Play

I don't recommend that you attempt the following - AT ALL. But like always, I will share the good, the bad and the diabetesaliciousness of it all with you! Including the not so smart moves - Like what happened yesterday~
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So I'm not a crazy football fan, but I l love me a good Super Bowl party with a great half-time show and an exciting come from behind win - And last night was no exception.
Yesterday morning I baked a pumpkin pie to bring to a Super Bowl party; (did I mention my friend's son is a pumpkin pie fiend, and I couldn't disappoint, plus PP is the only pie I know how to bake, so it was a total win, win,) did all types of organizational crap ( I know, I know - so unlike me,) and for some weird reason, my blood sugars were under 100 for most of the day. Which was not only weird, but somewhat annoying because I was trying to keep my pre-game meals light. Instead, I found myself having to eat more than I actually felt like eating, even with a decreased temporary basal rate at lunchtime. Anyway, the day flew by and finally at 4:50 and just before I walked out the door with both my pie & keys in hand, I tested my blood sugar - I was 112.
Cut to me arriving at my friend's house and seeing the chip and dip spread and immediately setting my increased temporary basal rate by half and for a duration of 2.5 hours.
I caught up with friends, played Dance, Dance Revolution pre-game with the kids ( I ROCK at DDR bytheway,) enjoyed generous amounts of spicy buffalo chicken dip (SO GOOD) and chips and watched some of the game, but mostly the commercials.
And just before the venison chili, chicken wings and salad were set out on the table for the main course, I went to test my blood sugar. Except I couldn't, because my meter and test strips were on the hallway table back at home, right where I left them.
And as you can imagine, I was none to happy. Actually I was quite pissed off. How the hell could I have forgotten my meter!
All I kept thinking was that I was the stupidest person with diabetes in the world and what an amateur diabetes move on my part!! Not to mention the fact that I was having a great time and I was REALLY hungry. Not "low," hungry, but I knew that was just down the pike if I didn't eat sooner rather than later.
I could have driven home, but since I'd just finished a generous glass of Presecco and dinner was literally on the table, I decided against it - More because of the generous glass of Presecco part than the dinner on the table part.
So I bloused 2.5 units for the protein and veggie laden chili (2 bowls worth) and hoped that my combined extended increased temporary bolus combined with Dance, Dance Revolution pregame, and small boluses for each part of the meal would equate to a prolonged and successful Diabetes Hail Mary pass of sorts, instead of game losing fumble. And yes, I can't believe that I'm using a sports euphemism - Let alone that I was even attempting the play!
I felt good, but at the same time incredibly uneasy and I spent a lot of time wishing I had a CGM.
I downed several glasses of water and stayed away from the ever present chips and dip that seemed to be everywhere.
Time went by and Madonna rocked the halftime show - at the same time the dessert was being set out.
I was still hungry & I bolused 1.5 units for a small slice of very delicious and k2 homemade/kid approved pumpkin pie and didn't eat most of the crust. Still, small slice and ever smaller consumption of crust or not, being sans meter made me jumpy. Later, as I watched the last few minutes of the "big game" and witnessed Tom Brady attempt and fail his own Hail Mary pass, I really began to get nervous regarding my own.
I arrived home sometime after 10 pm and immediately checked my blood sugar - It was 72.
Somehow, my extended Diabetes Hail Mary pass had worked - Almost too a fault.
And as I reached some cheese and crackers, I had no choice but to laugh out loud at diabetes, because I'd won the diabetes game, this time. But even though I was laughing, you can be damn sure that I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET MY METER AGAIN - I can't deal with not knowing my numbers, mentally or physically. Seriously, it was way too close for diabetes comfort, not too mention STRESSFUL!

Dear Mom: Four Months Later.....

Dear Mom -

It's been 4 months and a little over one week since you died and I miss you so damn much that there there are times my heart and body actually hurt.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and I'd give anything to see you and hug you and hear your voice.

And I miss hearing you laugh and I miss how much we laughed together! We were very very close, and I am so grateful for that.

And I still love you something fierce & I know that you loved me just as fiercely and are looking down and protecting me always!

But as long as I'm being honest, I have to admit that even though we were the closest of close, I still have major feelings of guilt because we argued on the way home from the airport the night before you went into the hospital - And that haunts me.
We made up by the time we got back to your house and had dinner.
And that's one of the things I loved about our relationship.

We always had fun but we had our times where we'd argue and disagree over something and then it was over - just like that!

Then we'd tell one another that we loved each other & we'd both say we were sorry and then we would have a good laugh about our silliness - And we would never hold a grudge.

And it is the most wonderful of blessings that THAT was how we did things.

Mom, I know you loved me and I know that you know I loved you, because we said so often and with such ease and appreciation and love.
But still, I feel terrible that we fought at all that night.
The next day I was considering going to the beach, but hesitated because you seemed so very tired and I didn't want to go.
But you told me (and I'm paraphrasing here) that you were beat from traveling and that you just wanted to relax and that I needed to go out and get some sun and that that I worried too much about you and that I should lighten up and relax and go have some fun.

So I listened to you and went to the beach.
And when I go back later that afternoon, you were sitting on the porch waiting for me and I knew in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong.
Then you told me you'd gotten sick and that your back hurt.

I called the ambulance immediately, even though you didn't want me to.

And later on, when the doctors said your illness had been brewing for months... I wondered if things things might have been different if that day had played out differently.

Mom, I miss being your daughter and even more I miss having you as my mother and my friend.

You loved me unconditionally - flaws and all.

And you always saw my light shine from within, even when I didn't - And you always made me smile.

And no longer having you in this world is a very hard to thing accept.

But knowing that you're with Dad and Debbie & your parents & brother and sister makes me happy and give me comfort.

I know that they waited a very long time to see you again. The days since you've been gone have been filled with tears and change and it's been a wild roller coaster ride.

And I know that the days ahead will continue to be filled with change and tears and I'm sure the amusement park theme will continue.

And I know that you are looking out for me - And I will best to make you proud of everything I do!

The first three months after your death were a whirlwind of shock and of being numb and of dealing with change and all sorts of crap.
Going through the motions was how I got by - I was on autopilot.

I'm into month four now and there are moments of autopilot for sure, but I am finally finding my back way to normal - Even thought it's an incredibly different normal.

I have moments of anger when I think of how much you suffered in the end and it literally makes me feel broken.

And when I hear friends or strangers complain about something their mother did, I want to shake them and say: Get over the small shit, you only have one mother and your lucky yours is still alive!

Once, I actually uttered those words to a teenager at the mall who was yelling at her mom.

She looked at me in shock - and for the first time in the history of malls and the teenagers who frequent them, I think a teenager was rendered speechless in the food court.

There have been days over the past four months that I've waited for the wave of grief to knock me down and I wondered if I'll be able to get back up. But I always do - I get back up.

I ride those waves of grief like a surfer and will continue to do so.
And I know that no matter what, the wave will eventually crest.

And I will always find my way back to shore - Because I am my mother's daughter.

And in those moments I hold on to you tight and use your memory as my lighthouse, rudder & anchor all rolled into one.

I feel your strength in me and with me and there have been a few times when I actually feel your presence.

And every now and then when I miss you most, I notice little unexpected reminders of you all around.

Flashes of lavender and purple in your favorite shades pop up when I need to see them most .

Hearing songs on the radio that you used to sing loudly make me smile when I'm in the car and just when I start to feel sad about you not being here.

And because the winter has been a mild one, the daffodils are starting to pop up from the ground much earlier than they should.

And the daffs were one of your favorites- Mine too.

Daffodils are one of the strongest and resilient of flowers.

Daffodils are tough and beautiful at the same time and regardless of how tough life's winter is -

Daffodils remind us that Spring is just around the corner - Both cyclically & metaphorically.

Regardless of the elements or the obstacles, daffodils bloom brilliantly no matter what.

And even when their time is done, the daffodils beauty and strength give me hope and are unforgettable and inspiring and stay with me always.

So is it any wonder then that they remind me of you?

People With Diabetes & Word Association: The Way We Think Is Different!

As people with diabetes we look at things slightly different because that's just how it is - And that different way of thinking carries into almost all aspects of our life.

For instance when I see the following items/terms, diabetes certainly comes into mind - but in a person living with diabetes type of way. Am I making sense??

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Juice: Something I drink to treat a low, not because I just feel like having a glass of juice.

Juice Box: Exactly 15 grams pre-measured to treat a low without actually having to measure.

Unicorns: The Diabetes On-line Community.

Glitter: Unicorn poop and the DOC and a very weird looking Unicorn Poop Cookie that may or may not be bolus worthy.

Community: FIRST: The Diabetes On-line Community... And SECOND, the much under-appreciated & brilliant television show of the very same name.

Cupcakes: A Bolus Worthy treat I CAN EAT!

Bacon: AMAZING.

Insulin: Banting & Best’s elixir of life.

Insulin: Expensive elixir of life that insurance companies refuse to reduce the cost on.

Doorknobs: Insulin pump D-A-N-G-E-R.

Insulin Pump: Robot Pancreas with an unnatural and unholy attraction to doorknobs.

Uppercase: W and M :Dexcom/ CGM. Thanks for the visual, Kerri!

Uttering the phrase "I'm high," is all about the numbers, not about the altered state brought on by an illegal substance.

Paper Cut: has me thinking that I need to immediately find myself a Test strip so I don’t waste the blood.

Diabetes + Bitching about diabetes injustices = Diabetes Bitch Switch Being flipped!

Test Strip: Necessary, expensive and always finding them in the oddest places.

Lancet: Makes me think of the band BLUNT LANCET and The VH1 Special AND how I need to get me one of their tee-shirts!

Wilfred Brimley: "DIABEETUS, DIABEETUS... ROCK ME DIABEETUS."

If I see a circle, I immediately think it should be BLUE.

If's it's Friday, I immediately wear BLUE.

If I see shoes, I wonder if they might come in BLUE.

Batteries: Food for my Insulin Pump.

A bathroom floor with tiles - especially the 12X12 porcelain tiles: Danger to my insulin bottle if it smashes on said tile floor. Seriously, that's what goes through my head.

White/Light Colored Shirt: Murphy’s Law diabetes style. A.K. A, I always seem to get an abdomen Diabetes Gusher when I'm wearing one!

TSA: Trouble when traveling for people with diabetes and any other medical issues.

Coffee: Time to bolus.

Hot weather: Skunky insulin.

Diet Coke: Scott Johnson.

Glucose Tabs: Mixed fruit flavor is my favorite.

Sex: YES PLEASE & do I wear my pump during or do I leave it on the nightstand..... next to the glucose tabs?

Thanksgiving: Extended temp basal rate or a Duel Wave bolus?

Exercise: How much food do I need to ingest before and do I cut my basal rate in 1/2 or by 2/3rd's and and for how long before and after?

Dog Pile On The Rabbit: Dog Pile On The Diabetes .

Dogs: I want one and if it could sniff out a low blood sugar, that would be great.

Butter Compartment: A home for my insulin and LeeAnn’s Blog.

What words/ things/ phrases, etc., make you think of Diabetes? Bueller, Bueller??

Diabetes As A Free Write.

Diabetes free write: I’m in the process of writing about 5 different posts for the bloggy, but not one of them is near where I want them to be. So I did the old college writing class trick called Free Write for today’s post. It's like a writing exercise for your brain. Basically, I set the timer on my phone for 5 minutes and wrote about whatever popped in my head diabetes wise - And here's what I came up with~

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Diabetes is this part of me that wasn’t invited or welcomed, but according to my family history, it was some what expected.

I’ve lived with diabetes so long that it’s become my own unique normal.

Even though the there’s nothing normal about wearing your pancreas clipped to your hip, having your lips go numb from a low blood sugar or feeling as if your walking through J-E-L-L-O from a high. There’s really nothing normal about syphoning blood from your fingers up-teen times day to keep track of said blood sugars!

You know what? I take the above statement back. It is perfectly normal to do all of the above regardless if whether you live with type 1 diabetes, type 1.5, type 2 diabetes or gestational. Because that is all part of living a diabetes life. In essence we become Diabetes Savants, and damn if we don't make entertaining dinner guests!

Living with diabetes means we see numbers on our food plates, not dead people or actual food for that matter.

Living with diabetes means that we carry a constant supply of test strips, meters, glucose tabs, and batteries on our person.

Living with diabetes teaches up to speak up when we must instead of staying quiet like we might want to.

Living with diabetes means we deal with TSA on an entirely different level when we travel.

Living with diabetes means that we constantly have to educate ourselves on our disease in order to live a good life, while continually busting diabetes myths perpetuated in the media to the public in the process.

Do I ever let my mind wonder to what my life would be like had not been diagnosed with diabetes? Honestly, I don’t go there much. I’ve lived with type 1 for so long that I barely remember life pre diabetes and my life post diabetes is a continuing work in progress.

If I hadn’t had pancreas that hadn't crapped out when I was 8 - I would never discovered the diabetes on-line community, let alone develop my diabetes voice.

And I am so incredibly grateful for those two things. They are true gifts and I am aware of the value they bring to my life everyday.

With that being said, I want a cure and I want one in my life time. Actually, I want it like, YESTERDAY.

Some days diabetes is a bitch (And yes, and I've been known to flip my Diabetes Bitch-Switch when required,) and other days diabetes plays nice. But everyday with diabetes is a challenge.

Be it the actual challenging of living with diabetes and its uninvited but accepted partnership in the "Life of Kelly," or the challenge of other peoples misconstrued perceptions of what living with, and what diabetes is.

Here's the thing: I'm up for the challenge of living with my diabetes and changing the public’s perception of what living with diabetes is. And I'm up for the challenge of making the public know and realize that there are many type of diabetes branches on the diabetes family tree including; type 1, type 1.5, and type 2 diabetes .

Why? Because it is my choice to do so - And between you in me, it is the only choice. And it's your choice as well~